Friday, November 20, 2009

One a month

Today is the eleventh annual Transgender Day of Rememberance. Each year, we memorialize those transpeople who have died from hatred or prejudice. And each year, we add more names to the list. Because on average, one transperson dies each month.

I long for the year when we can say "We don't need to memorialize another death this time." But I don't see that happening anytime soon...

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

SCC 2009-only two months late!

Either I feel like writing about the Southern Comfort Conference as soon as it's over, or I end up waiting a while. It is not a matter of how much fun I had, rather what sort of mood I am in after the convention. This year? I went through some ups and downs and I'm in kind of a mid point so...

Observations from SCC 2009:

* We are finally getting used to the Crowne Plaza, which I still want to call "the new hotel." I still miss the old venue (Sheraton Colony Square, now the W Atlanta Midtown). It was in a good location, within either walking distance to places or a relatively short drive. The Crowne Plaza is on the northwest side of Atlanta and while there is a great mall across the road (Perimeter Mall) and stores and places to eat within a short drive, everything else requires a drive on the Interstate or GA400. And rush hour in Atlanta lasts almost all day...

* The convention ended up with about as many memberships as last year. But about 40% of those were new attendees. We need more new people coming to SCC but we need to retain as many of our regulars as possible.

* Driving from Dallas to Atlanta takes about 13 hours. If you don't have to avoid a flood, that is. I rode with someone this year, and while it was not that bad of a trip, flying is still a better option other than you can carry anything you want in a car. Speaking of cars, not having one sucked-I spent the entire convention either in the hotel or at the mall. I didn't get to go down to Little Five Points, Outwrite Books, etc.

* I missed a lot of people this year-both who attended and who did not. I regret not being able to catch up with people I don't get to see anyplace else. Part of this was having too many things going on, and part of it was deciding to spend time with people who I felt comfortable with.

* Only went to one seminar-after telling myself I was going to make as many as possible this year.

* Spent less time with the "pervy" girls this year. Mostly because I can't fit into a lot of my old stuff and partly because I just haven't felt connected to that part of me too much lately...

I know I missed something, but that's all that I can think of right now.

Saturday, September 26, 2009

Thursday, September 17, 2009

Southern Comfort

I'll be at the Southern Comfort Conference in Atlanta next week, Tuesday evening through Sunday morning. If anyone wants to say hi, please feel free. I'm usually pretty easy to find-look for the nametag that says Zelda Rose, attached to a harried looking person :P

Thursday, August 6, 2009

Catching up with the postman

I haven't written a lot lately. I had eye surgery two weeks ago, and it will be another week or two before I try applying makeup. The surgery was to remove a cataract; and yes I'm very young to be dealing with them. The plus is that now I have 20/20 vision; the minus is I have to wear reading glasses and use a magnifying mirror to apply eye makeup.

I have not been out in a while, and now I have to wait a bit longer. I really have been going through a bad self-image period, where I feel very...ugly. Eventually I'll work it out.

I've got twenty followers now. Who knew?

The English Lesson has gotten more responses than anything else I've posted here. And a few other people have added their own irritations. I'm glad I am not the only one who feels that way...

I am glad that I copied my Yahoo 360 stuff before they killed the service off. It was a service that had promise, but Yahoo never had a clue. And now, Yahoo is not even a search engine anymore.

Oh, and what's so great about Ping? I've used it, and I don't see that it does much better than Google. The only thing I like so far is that its air travel search also uses Farecast's price forecasting algorithm. If you've never used it, it predicts air fares over time and advises you to buy now or wait for a better price. But I prefer Kayak to search for prices.

And the weather has been blistering hot.

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

The English Lesson

It's "girl" not "gurl." The plural is "girls," not "gurlz." And if someone is over eighteen, they're not girls anymore, they are women.

It's "email," not "fe-mail." Or "e-mail," depending on who you ask.

"2" is not the same as "to" or "too," but it is the same as "two."

"Come" and "cum" are not the same thing.

A "trannie" is a gearbox on your car. Calling a transgendered person a "tranny" will either get a laugh or your ass whipped. You have been warned.

If you are texting, abbreviations are acceptable. If you are writing an instant message, a blog post, or an email, they are not.

Every word processor has a spell check function. So do most other text entry programs. Please use them.

typing everything in lowercase worked for e.e. cummings. you are not e.e. cummings. it's an affectation if you use it. that or you're a submissive, in which case, we'll talk...

Yes, I use a lot of ellipses. It's my affectation, live with it. I didn't say I was perfect...

Class dismissed.

Sunday, July 5, 2009

Time Machine: Just saying, you know?

From March 21,2008:

I use Yahoo Messenger for my IM's, mostly because the vast majority of people I know use it too. And while it's not perfect, it does work. I've also gotten a pretty large "friends" list, too. Most of the people I talk to online are really friends; people who I like and who I have either met in person or hope to someday.

And there's a few who I won't, and wonder why I ever "friended" them. They are Tgirls, who I thought were interesting or who contacted me. But after a while, I have realized their needs and mine are not the same.

See, I'm not a whore. Or a madam. My home isn't a brothel. I am not a dating service, or a tour guide. I don't do charity work for wayward trannies.

So why is it that people want me to:

* Have sex with them, even when they know I'm married.
* Want me to find them someone who'll have sex with them.
* Want to come to my house so I can "entertain" them because they can't in their own home.
* Want me to invite them to come to Dallas and spend time showing them around and "partying."
* Want me to show them how to shop, dress, do makeup, behave, for nothing more than their gratitude.


What reason should I have to break up my relationship for you? Why should I find you a sex partner? Why should I bring a stranger to my home because they're not out to their own spouse? Why should I spend days entertaining you? Why should I teach you when you're not willing to do the work first?

Because we're "sisters?" Honey, we didn't come out of the same womb. Because I somehow owe you? No, I don't. I owe a debt to those who have helped me-for no other reason than they wanted to. They didn't ask for anything in return. And I've helped trannys who asked but didn't grab onto me like a leech when I said "Now you do it."

I'm finding that I am becoming such a cynic.

Oh, there IS a caveat. There are people out there who I'd do anything for. Who I regard as friends, who I care about, and who have shown me kindness through the years. They know me, my life, and would NEVER ask something that I couldn't do. Those people always have an open invitation to my home, and I'd happily play tour guide because I enjoy their company. And I bet those people know who they are, too.

True friends have my heart. The leeches get my stompy boot.

This was a reaction to a series of requests from people who wanted a "friend" but really wanted a f**k buddy or a free makeover. And I just got mad.

Still mean this one, too.

Time Machine: Entry for February 02, 2008

February 2, 2008:

I'm trying not to be jealous, or act like a bitch, however...

Thank you all for telling me about your adventures and plans to attend all these fabulous events. And when I tell you I can't go to any of these or meet up with you because a) I have no job and b) I have no disposable income, I'm being honest. Go, have fun, but I can't, sorry.

Now fuck of and die, okay?
(just kidding)

I was having some issues, and about this time some "friends" were bragging about their trips and adventures and kept commenting how I did not seem to be getting out much. The reason was that I was not working and didn't have the money to blow on stuff. And I got a bit irritated, so...

I still mean it, though.

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Time Machine: Hand. Staple. Forehead.

From August 28, 2006:

Yahoo sent me a notice that I had violated my terms of service. Of course, they do not tell you WHAT you did. I found out that they have deleted posts from my blog. It is obvious which ones they were, and I imagine it was done because someone was offended by them.

As a result, I am not going to post any entries here until I feel I can do so without risking my Yahoo account. There are other places that I can post comments without censorship...

As of today, I still do not know the exact reason my posts were removed. I know that the ones that were removed were the ones where I reprinted IMs from the clueless. It's my guess that one of them complained, and instead of asking me to do it, Yahoo gutted my blog.

I had a major explosion over this, then decided that I already had other options. If anything, this blog was the result of Yahoo's actions. I didn't post much on 360 beyond this point, and didn't really post anything publicly (I moved my LiveJournal to friends only status not to much after this) until I decided to create this blog. Whos history I will explore later...

I wish I'd kept those conversations, but I did not.

Time Machine: Entry for July 08, 2006

This was in response to a comment to one of my IM repostings. From July 8, 2006:

Jesus posted a comment to my 360. Nice of him to take time out of his busy schedule to do that.

Of course, this got wiped out when Yahoo purged my "objectionable content." Which started my move away from them...

Time Machine: Dark angel

This was posted after my first trip to Dallas, when we were getting ready to move. My spouse had decided she had to move from New Orleans after Katrina, and she'd found a job here. I really did not know Dallas, did not know anyone here. So I was on a trip to the city to scout things out...

From April 14, 2006:

The Church at the Lizzard 4-09-06-resized

A great time in Dallas last weekend. Met some of the local tgirls at MCDC Saturday night; they were welcoming and friendly to a stranger. Went to the gay clubs afterward, which were fun. Sunday night went to The Church which is a Goth club and danced my ass off. Oh, there was also shopping, house hunting, eating, and in general getting to know the city. A good thing.

And just for you, a new picture, taken at The Church Sunday night. I feel it's one of my best :)

I became a member of MCDC, but I've pretty much given up on them. I found friends here, made my own social group, and have gotten more comfortable with myself. The Church is fun, except when they do a big event then is so crowded you can't think. While I found a house I loved on this trip, we couldn't move on it fast enough. The house we actually purchased I did not see until I moved to Dallas.

And that picture is still one of my favorites.

Sunday, May 31, 2009

Time Machine: Read this before you IM me

This was one of those posts created out of frustration. I was going through a period when I was being bombarded by stupid, horny men who thought I was just as stupid and horny as they were. So, I got my poison pen out and got creative...From January 24, 2006.

Do not send me a picture of your penis. I know what a penis looks like, and mine's nicer.

Yes, that means I am an-ohmygawd-crossdresser/transvestite/transgendered/tranny/etc. If this shocks you, then you probably don't want to talk to me.

Do not ask "asl" because that means you haven't looked, have you? But for the slow learners out there: fortysomething/yes, but not with you/in front of my computer

Yes, I am beautiful. Fabulous, even. Thank you for saying so.

Yes, I am a Dominant. No, you may not call me "Mistress."

I have lots of pictures of myself-but you're not going to see them.

I am dressed; I rarely use the computer when I am nude.

No, I will not get dressed up so you can see me on webcam.

Do not "ding" me. It just annoys me.

On average, you have fifteen seconds to make an impression on me. Or less.

I know how to block people. I do it a lot.

Get the point?

Oh, and if you are truly stupid, I'll post copies of your messages on my blog. Right here. Just because I can.

That last bit got me into trouble with Yahoo's Thought Police. I was censured for reposting my favorite stupid IM's, which were removed by Yahoo, and the beginning of the end of my posting to my 360 blog. This was also the most-responded to entry.

Time Machine: Just a little survey

A little survey I took, from November 2, 2005.

About You
Do you use hormones?No
Have you (or do you plan to) get surgery?I've thought about it, but I don't know if I will
What is your female name?Zelda Rose
Are you straight, gay or bi?I consider myself a lesbian with bi tendencies
Do you consider yourself a male or female?Yes
Do you cross-dress for a sexual thrill?Not anymore
Do you read gay or straight porn?I don't really read porn
Do you have other fetishes?This isin't a fetish, and my fetishes are numerous
Are you a closet CD or have you come out?Out, but not to everyone
Could you pass for a woman?What do you think?
Favorite artcle of women's clothingCorsets
Favorite purseCraig Morrison spikey latex heart-shaped backpack
Faveorite pair of women's shoesBlack leather knee-high dress boots
Favorite kind of lingerieLacy
Favorite brand of make-upMAC!
Favorite brand of hoseLevante
Forget boxers and briefs! Panties or thongs?Panties
Thigh highs, knee highs or pantyhose?Thigh-high stockings
Skirts or dresses?Skirts
Bra or bustier?Bra
Tanga or boy shorts?Tanga
If you cross-dress at the beach, bikini or 1-piece?Victorian bathing costume
Night out with girl friends or CD friends?Either

I made a couple of small changes, but for the most it's the same answers I gave back then. Wonder what that means...

Time Machine: Smoke

Yahoo has decided to shut down their 360 pages. Not that this is a surprise-they have not done a thing with it in ages. So I am going to repost some of my entries here, to preserve them.

This was a post from October 25, 2005.

Someone else posted an entry to their blog about smoking...

I'm not a smoker. I don't feel any cravings for it, and it never bothers me. Just the smell, which I hate.

So, why is it that when I'm doing the girl thang that I like to smoke? I know it's an affectation, but why that one?

I'm particular about what I'll smoke. It's got to be a long, thin cigarette, like More 120's or Sampoerna Xtra cloves. They're both dark, and they look very dramatic. I like the smell of cloves, too. I don't inhale deeply, just enough to keep them going. I try to look aloof when I smoke, like I am not really thinking about it...

When I'm going out in the French Quarter, I always have to park a few blocks from where I am going. I'll light a cigarette and smoke while I'm walking; it seems to get me into the mood. If I'm in a nightclub I'll smoke. It's a natural thing to do for me.

I don't feel a compulsion to smoke after a meal, or other things. I'll do it driving sometimes, even though I forbid people from smoking in my car. But Zelda can, of course...

I wanted a cigarette holder for a long time, but never got one. That's too much of an affectation even for me.

At SCC, I brought one pack of Sampoerna's with me. I didn't even finish it by the end of the week. Of course, you can't smoke in the bars in Atlanta anymore, either...

And I can dress and not smoke, too. So the only reason I do it is for effect. Now if I could only develop an eastern European accent...

I have not seen a pack of More 120's in years. Sampoernas are not imported into the US anymore; I switched to Djarm Blacks. After my spouse's health issues in '07 I stopped smoking for the most. My last time was at SCC '08, and I have not since. But I think I'll grab a pack of Blacks for SCC '09, just in case...

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

And now, for something different

Captain Cross Dresser is a cartoon being shown on It portrays a mild-mannered accountant (voiced by Fred Willard) who wants to be more open about his crossdressing. But he soon discovers he has powers beyond being fabulous...

It's cute, and it has a certain amount of respect for transpeople. Well worth a look.

Thursday, May 7, 2009

F*** You

A group of YouTubers make a video for Lily Allen's song "F*** You." A wonderful reply to racism, homophobia, and pretty much all the haters out there. And yes, she sings and they show the F word.

via Joe My God

Thursday, April 30, 2009

How low can you go? Pretty damed low.

Rep. Virginia Foxx (R. NC) on the murder of Matthew Shepard:

The truth about Matthew Shepard's death is unquestioned. He was not a victim of a robbery; he was murdered because he was gay. Matthew Shepard was lured by two men into their car, driven to a remote area, pistol-whipped, tortured, then tied to a fence and left for eighteen hours before he was found by accident. In a coma, he died days later.

One of Matthew's killers pleaded guilty; the other was convicted. Both are serving live without parole terms in prison. The Wyoming legislature-which did not have a hate crimes bill-passed one in response to the killing. A bill-the Matthew Shepard Act-extending hate crimes as a federal offense to gender and sexual orientation-has been stymied in the past but was up for a vote in this Congress.

Which is when Rep. Foxx opened her mouth.

To say that Matthew Shepherd was not killed because he was gay is a lie. The facts in the case prove it. To make this statement in front of Matthew's mother-who has had to suffer the loss of her child-is cruel and insulting. Rep. Foxx reveals herself for what she is-a homophobic bigot.

The Matthew Shepherd Act passed the House yesterday 249-173, and is up for consideration in the Senate.

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Comments, I haz them

I got more comments on my last post than on anything I've written in a while. And I've got followers!

So, a few of those comments...

Caroline said:

We all wish we could just pass and good luck to all who can but nature is cruel and even a lottery win can't fix some of us.

Then again have you had a good look at your fellow citizens? Nature has often also left them short of an ideal beauty and they also just have to get on with life too.

When I was a lil' tranny, my Auntie Crystal said that we should never shun our sisters-even if they are homely. Because their needs and hopes are just as legitimate as ours. And maybe they never had someone help them out-like people helped me as I got started.

Tina Jensen wrote:

...I know I've never been a male as society defines it and I'll never be a girl in that world either. Actually, being a Transgendered girl is something I'm very proud of. Passing can be good in that it doesn't draw undue attention, but do any of us really pass...I mean really?? Maybe we are special people who someday will be accepted as everyone else is. Getting out and setting a positive example is what really counts.

Maybe we are special people-we certainly have a unique perspective on gender. We have experienced both male and female, and we can understand things that others never will. We should embrace this!

I'd prefer to be unnoticed than to be stared at. And to be treated like anyone else. As for being positive examples? I know that's asking a lot, but if you can manage not to act stupid in public I'll settle for that...

Renee wrote:

...I'm glad this particular notion - that passing isn't the "be all, end all" of transition - is gaining steam in our community. It's important that those who feel trapped by their circumstances, when they come looking for information, don't feel doubly-isolated because they happen to have unfortunate genes. And the only way for that top happen is to talk about it every chance we get.

What the community needs is to stop trying to segregate and label everyone and accept that there are no simple answers, and not everyone is going to fit your ideal. Appearance is just part of it, but it's something that we have managed to fixate on. Talking about this will help move us towards acceptance among ourselves and the general public.

Some of you wrote some great compliments, and I'll just say thank you. And hope that you'll continue to find something useful from my stuff...

Thursday, April 23, 2009

Pass GO, collect your life

There is a discussion on passing on the SCCLounge, which I moderate. One of the questions was about people who don't care if they do or do not pass, and I wrote:

I do not know if I represent "the other side" but do know I'm not overly concerned with being "passable" or "blending" when I go out. But I do think I make a pretty good Zelda.

I am over six feet tall and am not in the WNBA. I can't shop at Bebe or Forever 21-I'm a Lane Bryant and Torrid girl. I've got a few miles on the clock, which I am reminded of daily. And my personal style varies from Goth girl to casual funk to damned near soccer mom.

Okay, this one time, at SCC I went to the mall with a really nice, very cute and feminine tgirl. It was a Saturday afternoon, with lots of people shopping. We spent about an hour and a half in the mall, shopping and talking and in general enjoying ourselves. As we were leaving, this girl asked me "How do you stand it?"

"Stand what?" I said, wondering what had happened.

"The stares," she replied with a slightly concerned look on her face.

"What stares?" I replied. Which took her by surprise. After all, I *had* to be worried about having been "clocked" as a tgirls! Right?

Well, no. I had not paid attention to other people's reactions to me. I had not been looking around to see who had or had not been looking at me. Because it did not matter. I wasn't looking for other people's valitation, or for their acceptance or lack of it. I just was there, another person shopping in the mall.

I do know that the vast majority of people tend not to really say or do anything when they see me. Either I register as another woman in their mind, or they know something is different about me but they don't care enough to stop and take another look, or they know exactly what I am but it is not an issue for them. A handfull will take a second or longer look at me. They may say something to the person they are with, or not. They may smile at me, smirk knowingly, giggle, frown, or something else. And once in a blue moon, someone will actually make a remark to me or at me.

And I accept that those are all possibilities. But I do not let them discourage me. What I *do* is to go out and be myself. Because I have the choice of staying at home, woried that I am not going to blend or pass and trap myself in my own closet. Or, I accept who I am and just, well, do it.

I do feel comfortable with who I am-and that make a lot of difference. It's far more likely that you'll blend into the crowd if you feel like you belong there rather than feel like you're an outsider. Passing? That's good genes and/or medicine, and the ablilty to totally get rid of everything stereotypically male you can.

But for me, I'll just be the best Zelda I can be.

Saturday, April 18, 2009

The Gathering Storm

Steven Colbert warns us about gay marriage...

The Colbert ReportMon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c
The Colbert Coalition's Anti-Gay Marriage Ad
Colbert Report Full EpisodesPolitical HumorNASA Name Contest

TransFeminism/CisFeminism: Why Can't We Be Friends? - Community

TransFeminism/CisFeminism: Why Can't We Be Friends? - Community

But one way hierarchies are maintained is by setting up situations where members of oppressed groups in turn oppress those with even less power and privilege because it is one of the only available ways to demonstrate power and attempt to move up in the world – by moving someone else down.
I've seen this in so many other minorities, yet it's a lesson few learn. The entire post is worth reading, and thinking about. It'd be nice if the gay and lesbian community would get a clue from it, too.

Just my opinion, that's all.

Saturday, April 11, 2009

Just a girl out on the town

After weeks of trying to arrange with a friend to go out shopping en femme, I thought I'd give it a shot last Wednesday. I mean, what's the worst that could happen going out by myself. Besides humiliation, embarrassment, having an accident...

Oh, nevermind.

Getting ready took longer than I wanted, of course. I managed to do a more conservative daytime makeup look, picked out a nice pink/black mod print blouse (Lane Bryant Outlet) with black trousers (Torrid) and pumps. My first stop was Wigit Boutique in Burleson. I'd been to in drab before. The time I went, one of the ladies said I should have come dressed up-so I did! We went through ten wigs and found one that's just perfect. Shorter than my usual length, but the same colour (Burgundy Rosa in Noriko). It wasn't in stock, but they ordered it and will adjust it so it will fit better. A very nice way to start out...

Next, a trip to Valley View Center in north Dallas. It's a mid-scale mall, not too busy that day. I found a nice pair of jeans at Ashley Stewart; the manager was helpful, even if she slipped a pronoun once. She looked so embarrassed that I took it as an accident, not an insult. A trip through a few other stores, nothing special.

I was going to a resale shop on Northwest Highway, but I totally missed the exit, so I kept going to Town East Mall in Mesquite. I'd never been there as a girl, and it's much busier than the first mall. A stop at Torrid, found a new t-shirt and tights, and sunglasses at a kiosk (I have a weakness for cheap knock-offs because I lose them all the time).

And then I went back home, cursing silently rush hour traffic, changing back to "boy stuff" and made dinner and reflected...

The good? New hair on the way, clothes, felt totally comfortable, no bad things happened.

The bad? One woman who said something like "Are you a fairy?" to me as I went down the escalator. If she hadn't had kids with her I would have gotten snarky, but I am not going to put someone's parent down in front of them. Even if they deserve it...

The ugly? Spent too much :P

I haven't gone out shopping since Southern Comfort in September. I haven't been out shopping in Dallas in over a year. I think I need to do this more often...

Monday, March 30, 2009

Last Thursday

I had wanted to get out Thursday and go shopping but it did not happen. My friend Nikkie had invited me out to dinner, so I went ahead and got dressed. Makeup took far less time than usual; simplified a bit, and I think it came out well. Finding the right outfit took way too long; this seems to be typical. Finally I found a black babydoll dress with tie sleeves (Torrid), pink tights with fishnet tights on top (Torrid), and black dress boots (eBay). Met Nikkie and Christina at the Bronx on Cedar Springs, which as become our place of choice. The food is good, and the servers are great. We have one particular server-Mr. Fabulous-who is fun, give great service, and is cute. A couple of friends of Nikkie's came by and after dinner we went by Sue Ellen's, because nobody but I had been there. It's a large lesbian club, with a big dancefloor downstairs, live music up, and a sitting area and patios. We had a few drinks, chattted, etc. It's less hectic than Station 4, and a different crowd.

An early night, and the first Thursday in a while I had not gone to The Church. I have not been to Panopticon in a while (since they moved back to Club One) and I missed the "fetish night" Friday (mostly due to a lack of motivation).

Friday, March 13, 2009

Last night

Wet, rainy, cold. Perfect night to go out. Spent way too much time getting ready. Makeup was good, except I still can't do false eyelashes worth a damn. Picked an outfit, then picked another, then had issues trying to figure out what to wear. I hate being indecisive, yet it happens all the time.

Finally picked out a black cross strap dress from Torrid, with fishnet stockings and patent boots from Electrique Boutique. Added a jacket that matched the dress that I had bought two years ago at Torrid. Got out of the house way late, drove directly to The Church to meet the girls. I was mad at myself for missing time chatting over drinks at the Bronx, but it's my own fault. Dancing, drinking, chatting, all good things. Left about 1 AM, got home and overslept this morning (a bad habit I have).

Sunday, March 8, 2009

Thursday, March 5, 2009

Sometimes, they get it right

I love this. It's an ad for an Argentine bank; you really need to watch it. Because it says far more about how one person can learn to accept not by being forced, but by realizing how human we all are.

I'd bank with them, if they had an American branch. Probably safer than banking with some companies here...

Thursday, February 26, 2009

Kids say the darndest things

Seven year old Jazz's thoughts on being transgendered:

Somehow she says far more in a few seconds that makes sense than a lot of us ever do.

Saturday, February 14, 2009

Patrons praise opening of Lufkin's 1st alternative lifestyle club

Patrons praise opening of Lufkin's 1st alternative lifestyle club

Now, this probably does not mean anything to 99.99% of you out there, but bear with me? My father's side of the family resided in the Lufkin, TX and my father and paternal grandmother are buried there. It's a city of 35,000 in the middle of the East Texas forests, and that's about all you can say about it. And they opened a gay bar there...

Okay, so the newspaper calls it an "alternative lifestyle club" which makes it sound like either a swinger's club or BDSM hangout (hmmmmmm....), instead of using the GAY word in the headline. And they to try to tone down the LGBT nomenclature in the article. But let's be thankful that a) a gay bar opened where I'd never expect to see one and b) the local newspaper didn't treat it like the coming of Satan Incarnate.

Take victories where you can.

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

Who needs love when there's "Law And Order?"

I can't believe I have not posted this before:

The incredibly fabulous Amanda Palmer singing "Leeds United" from the album, "Who Killed Amanda Palmer?"

And why don't you own this yet?

EDIT: Forgot to mention that this was the video that got her record company all bothered 'cause it showed that she's got a real tummy. They wanted to cut all the scenes showing her belly out because chicks with real bodies don't sell (according to her record company)...

Saturday, January 31, 2009

What's happened between then and now

I just got so tired keeping up with things, and it's been a rough few months.

Let's start from where we left off-Andrea and Brooke's wedding in DC. Actually, the suburbs, where driving is a test of wills and sanity. The wedding itself was wonderful; they made the most beautiful brides, and the happiest. Their families were there, and I got to talk to some of them. The venue was so nice, and the reception went off perfectly. I was so happy that they'd invited me, and that they felt I had to be there. That was one of the most touching things I've ever experenced.

After that, and the two fetish balls I attended and already blogged about, not much happened in the Zeldaverse. My mom and stepson were coming up for the holidays, and there would be zero time for me. I knew this was going to be a less-extravagant holiday. Financially, we are okay but we did not want to overextend ourselves. I've been out of work for over a year, and while we manage it's not always easy.

I don't feel comfortable being too specific about what happened, but my mom was very unhappy being here this year, and she's taken to drinking far more than she should. It felt like we were making her miserable, and I know there's more to things than she said. But she wouldn't talk about it, and I can't make her. No, I don't think it's about my being TG; she isin't aware of it from what I can tell. I do know that this was one of the most miserable holidays I've celebrated in years, and it was bad enough that the spouse is ready to not do anything this year...

If anything good has happened, it's been that I got to reconnect with a friend who'd disappeared for about eight months. Nikkie has had her own issues with her gender identity. Then she decided that she needed to get over it, and do what makes her happy. We had lunch at Northpark Center, caught up on things, and decided we needed to get out after the holidays.

So, after the New Year Nikkie, Christina, and I got together at The Church on a Thursday night. This is one of the few local goth/industrial nights in Dallas, and the one where the people who show up are less irritating. I wore my black mesh "Rock and Roll" top from Torrid over a black wife beater, black shorts from Dot's (My friend Solitaire introduced me to the joys of shopping where BBW black women shop-cheap clothing that fits and looks good), pink tights under black fishnets and black patent lace-up go-go boots from Electrique Boutique. Which is the outfit in the photo at the top of this post. It was great getting out with Nikkie, and meeting Christina for the first time. And dancing! I admit it, I'm stuck in an eighties new wave/punk/goth mode. Live with it, bitches.

Saturday night, I broke down and attended the local gender support group's monthly meeting. Metroplex Crossdressers Club is typical of my experience with most of these groups-not much really happens. I wouldn't have gone except that I'd told Nicole I would chaperone her to her first meeting, and we could go out afterward. I picked out a new pair of skinny jeans from Ashley Stewart to wear, with my new boots tucked in. A purple turtleneck top and my patent bomber jacket from Torrid and off I went. The meeting was, well, disappointing. Except for seeing this person who was at her first meeting, a bit shy, but we both had the same bangle bracelets on (thank you, Lane Bryant).

Not only was this Melanie's first meeting, it was the first time she'd been in a group of T-girls. She'd been dressing for years and going out, but always by herself. And I knew how she felt-I'd often gone out alone in New Orleans, and it's not always fun. After the meeting, a few girls were going to the bar at Nana in the Hilton Anatole. This is a very upscale hotel, and bar, but it's also very T-friendly. And I have to say, a wonderful place to have a drink and socialize.

The following Friday night, Nikkie, Nicole, Christina and I went out to dinner at The Bronx. It's an informal place, in the heart of Dallas' gayborhood, and always a good place to dine. A wine color turtleneck top with the jeans and boots worked perfectly. Dinner and drinks with friends? Always fabulous! This is one of the things I have missed-just being out and feeling...normal. After dinner, an early night at Station 4 where we met up with Melanie. I think we're going make an nice little social group...

Last Thursday, I went to my first GEAR mixer at the Bronx. They are another support/advocacy group, but far less internal drama than MCDC. I felt like things were more organized, and that they were more interested in actually doing things. Plus, the people there were more confident. I think I'm going back again...Oh, the outfit? A purple turtleneck sweater from Target, jean skirt from Torrid, the pink/fishnet tights, and boots with the patent jacket. It's cold out there!

Of course I'm keeping in touch with my new girls and old friends. And it's helping me feel like I'm more connected to this city, rather than still an outsider.

Emotionally, I'm still drained. I need a job, badly. And I'm at a point where I wonder if I ought to just give up and go back to school again. IT seems to be a dead end for me-not sure if it's that I'm not qualified anymore or that my old job is cutting me down that badly. Lots of family stuff. And the black dog nips at my heels...

But I'll be okay. Zelda always is.

Drag queens, gay culture, "RuPaul's Drag Race" | Salon Life

Drag queens, gay culture, "RuPaul's Drag Race" | Salon Life

The campy spectacle has lost favor with a generation of young gay men. Can RuPaul's new reality show bring it back?

In the nineties, drag was everywhere. RuPaul was a spokesmodel for MAC, "Priscilla, Queen of the Desert" and "To Wong Foo Thanks for Everything, Julie Newmar" were on the movie screens, and Wigstock was this massive event in NYC. Every city had it's drag shows, pagents and performers.

But according to the author, drag has fallen out of favor because being gay is less shocking. There's less of a need to be provocative, and because gays are coming out younger and have more access to information and networking, there's less need to gather at clubs. If you have more support, why would you need to be outrageous to prove yourself?

And it's also harder to do drag now. There are fewer clubs doing shows. And where are the new divas?

The tragic and outsize divas that have long inspired drag queens are also becoming harder to find in the manufactured pop landscape: The Bette Midlers and Whitney Houstons have been replaced by Katy Perry and the Pussycat Dolls. "The sad thing is, the pop stars that were popularly impersonated in my day all had personality," says Lady Bunny. "How are you going to impersonate Rihanna? What is her personality? You don't know, because she's just a product."

And drag has become an embarrassment to some in the LGBT community. Because it is out there, and it's so non-mainstream, they see it as an impediment to their acceptance in mainstream America. Of course, truth is mainstream America doesn't accept you because of drag queens-they don't accept you because they're taught that homosexuality is a mortal sin and you're going to Hell for it. But that's beside the point...

But you know, it's not all a disaster. There's still drag out there:

That's not to say drag is dead. There will always be an audience, albeit likely a small one, for female impersonation. Underground balls and pageants continue to play a large part of African-American gay urban culture (as documented in "Paris Is Burning"). While Eason has noticed a decline in pageant interest in some parts of the country, there's been an upswing in conservative states like Missouri, Louisiana and Texas, and everybody I spoke with acknowledged that, while mainstream gay culture may have changed, pop culture works in cycles: You never know when things will come back in style.

If a drag queen is to emerge as the next RuPaul, however, she'll have to reinvent drag for the sensibilities of a generation that thinks it's seen it all. She'll have to make us want to turn off our computers, put on an outfit and head to the clubs. So whatever she does, it's going to have to be pretty damn fabulous.

I don't consider myself a drag queen, but I've admired those who do it well. It's an art, as well as expression. Drag queens often accepted me when nobody else would, and they've been a part of the transgender community forever. And yes, it was pissed-off drag queens who started off the Stonewall Riots (if you don't know what they are, go look it up yourself).

So, drag does matter. At least to me.