Going to The Church

The Sunday of Memorial Day weekend I finally got out to The Church-first time since November. Because The Church is only on Thursday and Sunday nights, it's hard to find people to go out with me. But since it was a Monday holiday...

It took me longer than normal to get ready-I just couldn't find the right outfit. I got dressed, and within ten minutes I hated what I was wearing. So I had to get dressed all over again, and barely made it out of the house in time. I decided on something Gothy but basic-sheer black t-shirt that I got off eBay years ago, black cami underneath, my red and black leopard print corset from Timeless Trends, the black lace covered mini from Torrid, fishnets (of course!) and my black patent lace-up knee boots from Electrique Boutique.

Got to The Church and started finding people I knew. We'd posted a note to the Dallas Feminine Expressions Meetup group, but knowing that this is not everyone's cup of tea, I didn't expect many to show up. We had about eight people, which was better than I'd expected, and everyone loved the place. Plus, I got to meet some fun people, got compliments on my outfit, gave compliments, danced my ass off, and had a great time. A lot better than I've had in years.

Part of that was being in a place that I like. I "grew up" in the goth scene, and I still fondly remember going to The Blue Crystal/Whirling Dervish in New Orleans, and other places in Atlanta and Chicago. Dancing to music that feels right to me? Fabulous!

But also I've been seeing a doctor about some issues. I've been diagnosed with thyroid problems, and being treated for it. I've also started antidepressants, because I can't live the way I have been for so long. Hopefully both will get me back to a place where I'll feel better. Not totally, but more than I have been.

This coming weekend is A-Kon, a huge anime/manga/cosplay/etc. convention here in Dallas. I've volunteered/been volunteered to judge a maid's contest again. Unlike All-Con I'm not going to try to cram everything into one day; I'll hit the vendor's up on Friday, do the judging and walkabout Saturday. Now to find some things to wear...

The Con Game

Went to All-Con last weekend, which is an anime/sci-fi/fantasy/etc. convention in Addison. An anime con is sort of like going to SCC-lots of people with a common interest that the general public don't really understand, dressing in outfits that range from beautiful to "What were you thinking?" with seminars and events. Though that's probably not a great analogy...

I went for the Saturday session; I was invited to be a judge an Anime Maid Competition. No, I didn't know what that entailed, either. Going to a con, you dress for comfort or you cosplay your heart out. I went for comfort-black pullover 3/4 sleeve top, black knee-length skirt with tulle trim, black knee-high combat-style boots (which I haven't worn in ages, dammit!) over black and white striped socks. Oh, and a red leopard-print corset from Timeless Trends. Yes, at this place it's casual and I just got it and wanted to wear it out, okay?

The contest was actually a lot of fun to watch and judge. There were two contests, actually. The first part was a look/portrayal contest, where you were supposed to look and act like an anime character. The second part involved hiding a table setting around the room and having to find it and put things back in place. That part was hilarious!

Afterward, I and a couple of friends went out to lunch and catch up. I then got to see a friend's apartment that she's using for her dressing/makeover business. I have to say it's a great place, and I wish her the best. Back to the hotel to hit the vendor's room; got a t-shirt and that's all this time. I didn't stay too late, wanted to get home and get dinner for everyone.

This was the first time I'd been out in the daylight since SCC. And I miss getting out and going to the shops or lunch or just doing stuff. I think I need to start getting back into practice. Also, my birthday was Monday; lots of good wishes and greetings, which were nice.

Filling in the gaps

It's been a while since I caught up, but I can't say it's been exciting. I have been out a few times, but it's been dinner at The Bronx and go to S4 afterward. Sometimes there's lots of girls, other times just a few. I wouldn't go to S4 it I wasn't meeting people, though. Although, I have met some new people there, even given them the address to the Dallas Feminine Expressions Meetup webpage. It's probably the best way to find out who is going out and what events are happening. With Metroplex CD Group now dead, and GEAR* no longer doing monthly regularly-scheduled meetings, I don't know how someone who was new to the area would find people. There is a Tri-Ess group in Ft. Worth, but since I'm not a hetrosexual crossdresser I'm not really their kind of girl...

Coming up? There's an anime convention in a couple of weeks that I've been invited to go to; will say more about this later. I do want to get back out to the goth clubs again. There's Panopticon on Fridays, and The Church on Thursdays and Sundays. I've got a few people interested in doing a Sunday night on a Monday holiday weekend; I'm not so picky.

*The Resource Center Dallas has not updated the GEAR page recently; it still lists the mixer.

Catching up

I went out twice in December, and both started as trans group related things. Early in the month I met a few people at Borders on McKinney for coffee before dinner; six of us showed up on a cold night. I wore a black Z. Cavaricci jacket over a pink tank top, Torrid black lace covered skirt, pink tights under crochet-finished tights and boots. We walked over to Hook, Line and Sinker for dinner. It's a very casual fish shack-fried and grilled fish, shrimp, etc. I had the fried shrimp (fresh and tasty), hush puppies (not so great) and fries (good). Talking to people over dinner, being social, is always a good thing. 

Afterward, went to Station 4 to meet up with people. S4 is kind of the gathering place for tgirls in town. It's a gay bar that's transgender friendly with a big dance floor, chill out room upstairs and drag shows in the Rose Room. I did run into some people I have not seen in a while, and that's always good. One funny thing was I went to the ladies room and ended up talking to women for at least twenty minutes about outfits and makeup and shoes. Just like normal girls do :)

The other outing was for the GEAR Christmas Party. Grey turtleneck sweater from Ashley Stewart, black skirt from Torrid, patterned tights over colored ones (I like the way it looks, and get lots of compliments), and boots. The party was nice, caught up with a couple of people I have not seen in a while. Then out to S4 which was actually a bit boring-just couldn't get into things that night I suppose. 

Packed things away for my mom's visit over the holidays. She doesn't know about Zelda, and at her age I don't see a reason why she needs to. Things went very well; everyone was happy, people were in a great mood and got some nice presents. I have to drive mom back and forth, which is not fun but she hates flying and I don't want her driving herself. 

Moved the girl stuff back last week, missed going out last Friday but went Saturday to S4. Went a bit gothy/wild with a black corset from Marvelous Mayhem, over a sheer top with a short petticoat I got off eBay years ago. Pink fishnet tights, black patent boots from Electrique Boutique, and the Z. Cavaricci jacket. A fun outfit, but didn't get many comments which I thought was surprising. Guess I need to try harder :P

This has been a very cold week so far-at least there is no snow. I don't mind the cold but not when it snows!

Interlude

A brief interlude between memories from SCC:

I was going to try to go out Friday night to Panoptikon, but things conspired to make that a no-go. It's one of the two Gothic club night organizers in Dallas (The Church on Thursday and Sunday is the other) and I have not been out there in ages-at least since they moved back to Club One/Excuses in Deep Ellum. 

I tried posting something to the list I used to use, but it seems like it's gone cold. The moderator of the Dallas Feminine Expressions Meetup-who also moderates the old list-basically told me to use the Meetup instead. I have mixed feelings about Meetup. It's adequate for large events or when you want to invite a lot of people out; it's not so good when you have a last minute dinner/clubbing thing. I got a few responses from Meetup-all RSVPing they can't come. The only person who did show up? Someone who read my post about it on the Feminine Expressions announce list...

I of course ran late getting to the place I'd chosen for dinner-The Bronx Cafe on Cedar Springs. I hadn't been there in a while; it used to be the default choice for Girl's Nights Out until Hung Dinger became the popular spot (I think that the waitstaff does drag may have something to do with it). I wore my black Z. Cavaricci dress (with an asymmetrical zipper on the front that gives it a kind of biker jacket look), black knee-hi socks with a pink seam on the back (because I couldn't find stockings or tights that weren't laddered!), my new black patent heels (Nordstrom Rack, love you!) and managed not to look like a wreck while rushing about! 

Robin was a wonderful dinner companion; I'd never had a chance to chat with her before. Since it was Cruisin' the Crossroads (each of the Caven bars has free cover and $2 well drinks for a half hour) we went by Sue Ellen's and then Station 4. There was a huge crowd out-this is Pride weekend in Dallas. We both chatted with a lot of people, saw some fabulous outfits, and had a wonderful time. After a letdown post-Southern Comfort, it was nice to get out for a while. 

Back to your regularly scheduled reporting soon.

Aware of the unawareness, and the one hundreth post

This is my one hundredth post to this blog. There's no real significance to the subject and this fact; I just saw that I had posted ninety-nine posts already, and I wanted to take some note of this. I'm kind of surprised. I keep thinking I have not posted much to here, yet I have. One hundred posts may not be a lot compared to some bloggers, but when you constantly suffer from writer's block it's one hundred times I managed to get over it.

Anyway.

Last Saturday the spouse and I went out for breakfast. Or rather, we went to meet a group of people for breakfast, something organized by friends who wanted like-minded (aka, leather/BDSM/etc. types) to meet up. The restaurant would fit in back in New Orleans-an older building that's seen better days, mismatched decor, but excellent food.

I was accosted by someone I know who asked I was going to a fundraiser they were working on in October. I had totally forgotten about it, and I still haven't decided what I'm doing yet. There was a request that Zelda show up, and some not-too-subtle flattery.

Later, I was going through some photos on my phone (what, you don't keep pictures of yourself in an unlisted directory on your phone?) and the person next to me asked who the woman was. I've known him for a while, but he didn't know I was a CD. Sometimes, I just assume people know, and it kind of took me by surprise. Of course I showed off a bit-because that's what we do, isn't it? No matter who you are, positive attention is a good thing...

Breakfast? Good. The company was better, and afterward indulging someone's office supply fetish was fun.

Fifteen days from now, I'll be on my way to Atlanta for the Southern Comfort Conference. This will be my eleventh time, and it's always an experience. Sometimes better than others. My first SCC, I got so lost finding the hotel I saw most of Atlanta. I went there only a week after 9/11; all of us who showed up felt like we were just happy to be someplace close to normal. A month after Katrina with things still undone in New Orleans I went to Atlanta and the shock of being in a normal place was hard. So was Rita hitting home while I was there. I've dealt with family issues, my mom's cat dying, and other things long-distance while there.

I go to SCC because I get to see people I don't get to see the rest of the year. I go because I get to, for a few days, be closer to what I am. I love Atlanta almost as much as I love New Orleans.

Fifteen days...

Saturday night with the girls

Last Saturday I went out to S4 to catch up with some of the local girls. I had not been out in a while, and really needed a break. A very late start due to guests at home and I was on Cedar Springs by midnight. A new outfit-gray turtleneck sweater and black leather skirt from Ashley Stewart, purple tights from Lane Bryant and my favorite boots. Fortunately, quite a few girls were still out and I got to catch up with people. Met someone who I'd only talked to on Crossdresers.com; she was really fabulous. We stayed until nearly closing, then to Hung Dinger for an early breakfast. I think I got to bed around 6AM, but it was well worth the loss of sleep.

The days and nights of Zelda in New Orleans, part 3

I'd made arrangements to meet up with Vanessa, a girl who I had met online. She was working that evening, so we'd have to meet up late. Well, New Orleans is a town where things do not start early, anyway. A mix of outfits for tonight; the jeans and boots from Thursday night with a black and purple print t-shirt from Kat Von D, the black PVC bomber and fingerless driving gloves. Oh, and the new hat.

I was out of the room about nineish, and had not heard from Vanessa yet. Took forever to find parking-had to resort to a hotel garage and their overpriced rates. I really had no plans at the moment, so I found something to eat and then dropped into some of the bars I used to go by. Most haven't changed-for good or bad. Eventually I decided I was ready to go back, until I got a message from Vanessa. We decided to meet up at John Pauls on Elysian Fields. It's a location that has been a dozen other bars, but I had not been there since it changed owners. I arrived a bit early, got a soda and chatted with some of the locals. It's sort of a neighborhood bar, except the clientele is gay and they do drag shows there.

Vanessa arrived, and we really got along incredibly well. She's the kind of person I wish I had known when I was living in New Orleans-fun, smart, confident. I'd have been a lot happier! We talked and had drinks until I had to leave about 3AM (something else I miss-no closing times), went back to the hotel and got some sleep before I had to drive back to Dallas that day...

So, what have we learned Zelda?

Well, what we've learned is that New Orleans is one of the best places a tgirl can visit. It's a city where people really are accepting. The French Quarter is perfect for a day of shopping, eating, meeting people, and relaxing. You can walk it easily-just remember to wear comfortable shoes. In Spring and Fall, the weather's moderate enough to be comfortable. Winter's are usually mild. Summer, you may want to avoid unless you enjoy high humidity and heat even in the evenings. In the off-season hotels are not too bad, and if you find one with cheap parking all the better. The streetcars will take you down St. Charles and the Garden District with Magazine Street's shops and dining nearby. A car will get you to many parts of the city, though the roads are rough and parking is sometimes a problem.

Some of the best little shops are in New Orleans. The food's great, and you'll find that there is more than "Cajun" cooking-almost every cuisine is represented, and the local Creole cooking is superb. Live music is a big part of the city, and you'll find a wide variety of clubs. There is a large, active LGBT community (though the T is not so much) that enriches the city. And the people? I had two random encounters with people who I spent at least ten minutes talking to. There's an openness there, a shared love of the city and knowing that things are always changing.

The city itself has an energy to it that I've never felt anywhere else. It's a living place that you'll either love or hate but never feel indifferent to.

It's also got the most underwhelming transgender community I know of. I came of age in New Orleans as a transgendered person, and I am thankful that I had the people I did who helped me come out and who cared about me. Even when I was not exactly the shy retiring type. A few days ago, I got an email that Gulf Gender Alliance-my "home group"-is closing down due to a lack of members and activity. This group was suffering before Katrina; after it, it was only a matter of time.

There are quite a few Tgirls in New Orleans. Not that you'd know it most of the time. There are a number of drag queens and working girls out there, but crossdressers are rare. Most CD's seem to be either closeted or won't go out locally. The most-cited reason is a fear of being found out. New Orleans is in some ways a small town, where neighbors know each other and what's going on around them. There's a bit of conservatism in the business community. So yes, I suppose there is a real fear of being "outed."

So I'd go to group meetings (when we were still meeting in Kenner at a hotel) where girls would show up, dress for the meeting, then change to go home. They couldn't even consider going out! And that attitude seems to still be there. I asked a few people I knew if they'd want to go out and they'd always say no. Which is how I developed a certain fearlessness-I wanted to go out, I did, and I took the BS when it happened. Made me a better person, but still I'd have loved to have had someone to go out with...

New Orleans is such a great place, and if you're living there or nearby, you are missing out on so much! There's so much to do, so many things to see. I know people who live in cities that have fewer opportunities but get out. What's your excuse?

I do know that people expect others to organize things for them. Guess what? YOU need to be the person! Get off your pretty little butt and seek out people. Or just go out one day and have coffee at Community Coffee House on Royal in a cute little outfit and be happy. It doesn't take much, just a desire to be real.

Okay, I'm off my soapbox now. I just need to get back again...

The days and nights of Zelda in New Orleans, part 2

So we left off with my going out to my car (through the lobby, thus giving the desk clerk a nice view of my backside), driving off and realizing I'd left my room key...in the room. Oh well, get another when I go back.

The sky was overcast, cool and slightly windy at times with rain threatening. Not a typical January day, but what's a typical day now? The drive to the French Quarter was uneventful, and I found a parking space in one of the lots near the river. I'd even managed to park close to the French Market. Half the Market is an open-air produce market that's been in business for over two hundred years. The other half is a big flea market that's stuffed with tourist stuff, music, jewelry, etc. I wandered through the market and found a nice little fleur-de-lys necklace and of course we haggled over the price. Somehow, paying list down there feels wrong...

I did not have any real plan, other than a few places I wanted to drop in on. I sort of wandered up the Quarter towards Bourbon and Conti. If you're looking on a map, you'd say I was going southwest. Which is right, but wrong. See, directions in New Orleans are based not on compasses but water-Lake Pontchatrain and the river. The lake forms the upper boundary of the city; anything in that direction is Lakeside. The river flows around the lower part of the city and to the eastern side then south to the Gulf of Mexico. Thus, heading along the river's mouth is Downtown; away from the flow is Uptown. Of course anything directly on the river is Riverside. And the other side of the river from New Orleans? That's the West Bank; trust me, it's easier if you go along...

I window shopped, found a plus size shop near Jackson Square that had a cute dress (but not in my size). I found the place on Bourbon I was looking for, but the person I wanted to see wasn't there anymore so I started heading back down Bourbon to end up on St. Philip and Royal. I was at the corner of St. Ann and Bourbon, and the woman running the Lucky Dog cart asked where I got my skirt. Now, Lucky Dog is a New Orleans institution-hot dog-shaped carts that serve dogs that you'll eat happily when drunk but probably shouldn't sober. The vendors are...colorful. Anyway, I started talking to the woman (who called herself Raven) and it was a half hour later before I left. That's not unusual-you'll get into a conversation with a total stranger and find out things you never knew. This doesn't happen in other cities...

I finally got to Fifi Mahoney's (Royal and St. Paul), which was for many years my wig and makeup source. Marcy, the owner, was in but really busy so we did not get to talk much. The shop's the same-funky yet fun, with a big wig selection that goes from cheap costume to wild custom made pieces.

I ducked out and went across the street to the Community Coffee House for a latte and cinnamon roll. New Orleans is a city that loves coffee; the native brew is strong, dark, and will jumpstart dead Battlestars. The traditional place for cafe au lait is Cafe du Monde-which also has those deadly beignet (a fried dough sort of like a holeless doughnut) which exist to get powdered sugar all over your outfit. Starbucks has had an uphill battle fighting established locals like Community, PJ's and Rue de la Course and the indys.

After refreshment, it started to rain, finally. Fortunately I'd brought my umbrella in my bag and managed to not get too wet. Another trip back to the flea market because I decided that the hat I'd seen earlier I just had to have, then back to the car to end the afternoon. Driving back to the hotel I decided to take a roundabout way down St. Charles, which is still one of the prettiest streets but the roads are terrible. When I got to the hotel, I walked up to the desk with my ID and asked for another key; the clerk was very professional and I was off to my room with my bags and time to get ready to go out later and meet my new friend...

The days and nights of Zelda in New Orleans, part 1

The last time I was in New Orleans was last spring. The last time I went out en femme in New Orleans was the weekend before I moved to Dallas-three and a half years ago. The last time I'd gone out in New Orleans during the daytime to go shopping I can't remember. So, when I had an opportunity to spend a couple of days in the city, guess what I did?

I drove to New Orleans Thursday, making a few stops on the way. I got a room at a hotel in Metairie, which was cheaper than getting a room in the city. Getting ready took less time than usual, but of course it took me longer to pick out something to wear. It was not very warm out that night, so I decided to for something a little warmer. A white print t-shirt from Seven7, Ashley Stewart jeans tucked into boots with a black faux biker jacket and a pair of fingerless black leather gloves. I couldn't find my boot socks, so I just forgot about it. Big mistake. Drove down to the Quarter and found a parking space very quickly, which should have been a sign. Tried a few of the bars I used to go to, and they were pretty dead. Also, I was developing a nice blister on my toe, so I gave up early and went back to the room.

And I was having doubts about going out Friday en femme. I didn't think I'd have enough time to get ready, and if it was pouring rain did I really want to get wet and miserable. And Friday morning, the weather was very gloomy. I got up, had breakfast at IHOP, stopped by Target to get some pads for my blister (thank you, Band Aid!), went back to the room and decided that I'd come this far and not doing the one thing that was going to make me very happy was WRONG! I did my makeup in close to record time. For those who have witnessed me getting ready, you know I can take forever, but I found some shortcuts and got a great look fast. Since I had not really done much the night before, I wore the t-shirt again. A black mid-calf skirt, broomstick style with a lace inset, black mid-calf leather Converse Chuck Taylors (going for comfort if I'm doing much walking today), with black and white striped tights. A black PVC bomber jacket, and the gloves from the night before (I really like how they look, okay?). I grabbed my Sephora/Kat von D tote and stuck a little umbrella and my purse and a few essentials in, checked myself in the mirror and made my way out to the car...

To be continued.

Just a girl out on the town

After weeks of trying to arrange with a friend to go out shopping en femme, I thought I'd give it a shot last Wednesday. I mean, what's the worst that could happen going out by myself. Besides humiliation, embarrassment, having an accident...

Oh, nevermind.

Getting ready took longer than I wanted, of course. I managed to do a more conservative daytime makeup look, picked out a nice pink/black mod print blouse (Lane Bryant Outlet) with black trousers (Torrid) and pumps. My first stop was Wigit Boutique in Burleson. I'd been to in drab before. The time I went, one of the ladies said I should have come dressed up-so I did! We went through ten wigs and found one that's just perfect. Shorter than my usual length, but the same colour (Burgundy Rosa in Noriko). It wasn't in stock, but they ordered it and will adjust it so it will fit better. A very nice way to start out...

Next, a trip to Valley View Center in north Dallas. It's a mid-scale mall, not too busy that day. I found a nice pair of jeans at Ashley Stewart; the manager was helpful, even if she slipped a pronoun once. She looked so embarrassed that I took it as an accident, not an insult. A trip through a few other stores, nothing special.

I was going to a resale shop on Northwest Highway, but I totally missed the exit, so I kept going to Town East Mall in Mesquite. I'd never been there as a girl, and it's much busier than the first mall. A stop at Torrid, found a new t-shirt and tights, and sunglasses at a kiosk (I have a weakness for cheap knock-offs because I lose them all the time).

And then I went back home, cursing silently rush hour traffic, changing back to "boy stuff" and made dinner and reflected...

The good? New hair on the way, clothes, felt totally comfortable, no bad things happened.

The bad? One woman who said something like "Are you a fairy?" to me as I went down the escalator. If she hadn't had kids with her I would have gotten snarky, but I am not going to put someone's parent down in front of them. Even if they deserve it...

The ugly? Spent too much :P

I haven't gone out shopping since Southern Comfort in September. I haven't been out shopping in Dallas in over a year. I think I need to do this more often...

Last Thursday

I had wanted to get out Thursday and go shopping but it did not happen. My friend Nikkie had invited me out to dinner, so I went ahead and got dressed. Makeup took far less time than usual; simplified a bit, and I think it came out well. Finding the right outfit took way too long; this seems to be typical. Finally I found a black babydoll dress with tie sleeves (Torrid), pink tights with fishnet tights on top (Torrid), and black dress boots (eBay). Met Nikkie and Christina at the Bronx on Cedar Springs, which as become our place of choice. The food is good, and the servers are great. We have one particular server-Mr. Fabulous-who is fun, give great service, and is cute. A couple of friends of Nikkie's came by and after dinner we went by Sue Ellen's, because nobody but I had been there. It's a large lesbian club, with a big dancefloor downstairs, live music up, and a sitting area and patios. We had a few drinks, chattted, etc. It's less hectic than Station 4, and a different crowd.

An early night, and the first Thursday in a while I had not gone to The Church. I have not been to Panopticon in a while (since they moved back to Club One) and I missed the "fetish night" Friday (mostly due to a lack of motivation).

Last night

Wet, rainy, cold. Perfect night to go out. Spent way too much time getting ready. Makeup was good, except I still can't do false eyelashes worth a damn. Picked an outfit, then picked another, then had issues trying to figure out what to wear. I hate being indecisive, yet it happens all the time.

Finally picked out a black cross strap dress from Torrid, with fishnet stockings and patent boots from Electrique Boutique. Added a jacket that matched the dress that I had bought two years ago at Torrid. Got out of the house way late, drove directly to The Church to meet the girls. I was mad at myself for missing time chatting over drinks at the Bronx, but it's my own fault. Dancing, drinking, chatting, all good things. Left about 1 AM, got home and overslept this morning (a bad habit I have).

So what have you been up to?

After SCC, I had about a week to decompress and try to get back into things. Of course, life has a way of interfering with your mood. I decided to make the local crossdresser's group's monthly meeting, more as an excuse to dress up than anything. I'd mentioned on their mailing list that I needed to find a pair of dress boots, and someone offered to bring a pair in my size to try. It was also their Halloween party, but I decided to not bother trying with a costume-I knew I was going to go do some shopping before the party. I could have brought something to wear, but why bother?

Ever notice it always takes you twice as long to get ready as you think it will, even if you know what you're wearing? Exactly. I drove to Electrique Boutique to see if they might have a pair of dress boots. I knew they'd have stripper boots, and fetish thigh-highs, but anything less dramatic they don't normally carry in my size.

And I was right. So off to Kroger's for snacks for the party, then to the Gay and Lesbian Center for the meeting. I wasn't the only person who didn't dress for the holiday. But some did, including a new person who I didn't recognise. When we started talking, we realised that we knew each other from online. Small world?

The turnout for the meeting was not bad, there was more socializing than anything, though nobody seemed to want to go out afterward and I wasn't going alone, so I called it an early night. In the past, that would have bothered me but somehow tonight, it didn't. I did talk to Anna about going shopping the following Friday at Allen Premium Outlets for the boots. She was interested in going out shopping, and I like spending time with her.

So, the following Friday, I do my best casual girl look (black ballet top with 3/4 length sleeves, purple and black print broomstick skirt) and called her on the way. When she realised we had made plans, and I took my time getting there to give her time to get ready. We went to the outlet mall, and walked the entire thing (it's a big outdoor mall in a circle). And NOBODY had a pair of boots in 12m. I mean, really! I did get a sweater at Lane Bryant Outlet, which is one of the best places to shop. But I was cranky enough over not finding boots that I went back home earlier than I'd planned, fighting Friday evening traffic which made me more cross...

I talked to a friend online about my problem, and she suggested looking for a particular boot on eBay. And I found them, at a good price. They came in today, and fit perfectly! THAT made my day!

Saturday afternoon I fly to DC for a wedding of two good friends. Andrea I've known for a while, since we were commenting on each other's LiveJournals. I've seen her romance with Brooke blossom for a while, and when I was invited to attend I was truly touched. Which is why I needed the boots, because the outfit I'm wearing wouldn't work as well without them.

So, that's what has been going on. More or less. I'll post something from DC...

Zelda and the therapist

So, anyway, Tuesday I have an appointment with my therapist. She's done some good, and I like her a lot. During one session, she asked me if I wanted to come en femme sometime. I said I'd think about it...

I'd thought about it, and decided that I was going to do it. I mentioned it to the spouse last week; she didn't seem to object. But by Tuesday, I was rethinking the idea, because I have a tendency to over think things. Which is part of why I'm in therapy.

I did decide it was time, and managed to get ready faster than I had in a long time. And I was ready just as I needed to walk out the door. Checking the look out in the mirror: purple knit top (a Target find from a couple of years ago), jean skirt (Torrid), black tights, and black boots. Just a little bit of jewelery, checked the hair, out to the car, and a half hour later I was at the therapist's office building. One last check, deep breath, cross the parking lot...

Walked into her office, and she gave me a big hug. She said I looked great. I thanked her, and I did think I looked pretty good. Not really flashy, but not too demure. It was a balance, and I thought it worked. She offered me a soda, and I sat down on the couch, crossing my legs under me. It's a little thing, but it's part of the subtle things you have to do as a girl. The session went well. I talked to her about some things my spouse and I had discussed, some things I'd talked to my friend Sabrina about, and my own feelings. I know I still have a lot of work to do on my issues.

One of the things we both agreed on is that, when I'm en femme, there are some differences in my personality. Zelda is a bit more self-assured, open, and doesn't agonize over decisions as much. It's those positives that I need to find in myself the rest of the time.

After the session, my therapist gave me a big hug and told me how happy she was I had come, and that if I wanted to do it again I was certainly welcome. I got back in the car, and since I had some time left until I had to be home, I did the logical thing.

I went to the mall.

Well, the closest mall I could get to in a short period of time, which was Irving Mall. I had never been there, and I thought I might as well...The mall was a bit dead, surprising on an early afternoon during the week I thought. The only thing I bought was a couple of pairs of cheap sunglasses (hey, girl's gotta have them). There were some shoes that I liked, but not in my size (of course), and Lane Bryant didn't have anything I lusted for.

For the most, it was positive, but then I do not usually worry about being out in public. I was not trying to attract attention, but when you are as tall as I am, and not the most feminine person out there, you do get noticed. Though most of the time, people don't really pay attention. If you're confident in yourself, if you don't act or feel like you do not belong there, things go a lot better.

One thing that did happen was I needed to go to the bathroom. I have gone to public restrooms before, and never had a problem. Yet. And my choices were limited. I didn't want to try going to the public bathroom in the mall; wanted a bit more privacy and less chance to run into someone. So I went to Macy's, found the ladies room that was off the beaten path, and ducked into the closest stall. Because there were a couple of women in the other stalls. Did what was necessary, waited until they'd left, then walked out. Just like any other woman...

I drove back to the house, changed, and thought about the day...I think things went well, I felt better about things, and Zelda got some time out.

All good things.

SELF and self

Yes, it's been a while since I updated this blog. Health issues and some very bad head space combined to put the muse in a state of slumber.

I spent last weekend in Atlanta at the SouthEast Leatherfest. It's a leather/fetish/BDSM convention.

Did I forget to mention I am interested in these things? Oh, sorry...

Pervy folk are like any other social group, except we tell stranger jokes and dress better. And speaking of dressing, SELF was an excuse for me to enjoy some extended girl time. I had not been about to do that for a while.

Spending a weekend as a woman means:

• Lots of shaving. And it takes a lot of time to shave this bod. Plus, shaving my face twice a day, since I have not started any serious hair removal techniques.
• Going from worrying about getting my makeup perfect to trying to get it done quickly. Practice may not make perfect, but it makes it quicker.
  
• Shopping is an art form, and having a friend like Sabrina Pandora who has a black belt in it and knows Little Five Points like a native. And I found the best pair of riding boots, ever. For $25. You may be jealous now...
• Falling into all the little feminine ways, like walking and remembering to take your ear ring off when you answer the phone.
  
• Getting your nails polished, hating the job the salon did, realizing that nobody else noticed the bad polish job.
• You get far more wardrobe options. And changing close twice a day is not a sign of vanity.

Atlanta is a very cosmopolitan city. I've been there many times for Southern Comfort, and had very few problems as a woman on the town. Nobody really notices, or says anything. I do not feel like I am "passable," but I do feel I am acceptable. I am comfortable with myself, and feel very positive about going out anywhere. And this seems to help people accept me.

The people at SELF treated me like a woman. I got to spend lots of time with friends, make new ones, buy stuff, learn things, and even let the wicked side of me out for a few. By Sunday afternoon, eating hot dogs on a patio and feeling comfortable enough to wear a tank top and short cammo skirt in the summer, I just found myself wishing it would last longer. Because I was really, truly feeling like the person I think Zelda is.

Flying home the next day, I felt the sense of loss that post-convention time seems to bring. And wanting to capture the feeling again.

le sigh