Well, that went well

My stepson is 18. I've known him for nine years, and he's grown into a very understanding, very smart kid. Someone who has accepted a lot of things in his life-good and bad. And tonight, I came out to him as a crossdresser. He never knew, but he took it very well. I don't think he wants details, but he's decided he can accept it.

Wow.

Zelda and the therapist

So, anyway, Tuesday I have an appointment with my therapist. She's done some good, and I like her a lot. During one session, she asked me if I wanted to come en femme sometime. I said I'd think about it...

I'd thought about it, and decided that I was going to do it. I mentioned it to the spouse last week; she didn't seem to object. But by Tuesday, I was rethinking the idea, because I have a tendency to over think things. Which is part of why I'm in therapy.

I did decide it was time, and managed to get ready faster than I had in a long time. And I was ready just as I needed to walk out the door. Checking the look out in the mirror: purple knit top (a Target find from a couple of years ago), jean skirt (Torrid), black tights, and black boots. Just a little bit of jewelery, checked the hair, out to the car, and a half hour later I was at the therapist's office building. One last check, deep breath, cross the parking lot...

Walked into her office, and she gave me a big hug. She said I looked great. I thanked her, and I did think I looked pretty good. Not really flashy, but not too demure. It was a balance, and I thought it worked. She offered me a soda, and I sat down on the couch, crossing my legs under me. It's a little thing, but it's part of the subtle things you have to do as a girl. The session went well. I talked to her about some things my spouse and I had discussed, some things I'd talked to my friend Sabrina about, and my own feelings. I know I still have a lot of work to do on my issues.

One of the things we both agreed on is that, when I'm en femme, there are some differences in my personality. Zelda is a bit more self-assured, open, and doesn't agonize over decisions as much. It's those positives that I need to find in myself the rest of the time.

After the session, my therapist gave me a big hug and told me how happy she was I had come, and that if I wanted to do it again I was certainly welcome. I got back in the car, and since I had some time left until I had to be home, I did the logical thing.

I went to the mall.

Well, the closest mall I could get to in a short period of time, which was Irving Mall. I had never been there, and I thought I might as well...The mall was a bit dead, surprising on an early afternoon during the week I thought. The only thing I bought was a couple of pairs of cheap sunglasses (hey, girl's gotta have them). There were some shoes that I liked, but not in my size (of course), and Lane Bryant didn't have anything I lusted for.

For the most, it was positive, but then I do not usually worry about being out in public. I was not trying to attract attention, but when you are as tall as I am, and not the most feminine person out there, you do get noticed. Though most of the time, people don't really pay attention. If you're confident in yourself, if you don't act or feel like you do not belong there, things go a lot better.

One thing that did happen was I needed to go to the bathroom. I have gone to public restrooms before, and never had a problem. Yet. And my choices were limited. I didn't want to try going to the public bathroom in the mall; wanted a bit more privacy and less chance to run into someone. So I went to Macy's, found the ladies room that was off the beaten path, and ducked into the closest stall. Because there were a couple of women in the other stalls. Did what was necessary, waited until they'd left, then walked out. Just like any other woman...

I drove back to the house, changed, and thought about the day...I think things went well, I felt better about things, and Zelda got some time out.

All good things.

Why the T in LGBT is here to stay | Salon

Why the T in LGBT is here to stay | Salon

An excellent explanation why certain gay people need to get a clue when it comes to why transgendered people need to be part of ENDA...

Yes, I'm finally catching up with SCC, shut up already...

I'm going to try to do this chronologically, though we'll see how long that lasts...

Monday

I learned my lesson years ago-don't try to take the earliest flight, take the one you can wake up for. It was pouring rain, and I found out that parts of Loop 12 (the main road from my house to the airport) was flooding. Why major highways flood here, I don't understand...A quick Google Maps session found me an alternate route, and I got to the parking lot with no problems, in time to get to DFW and wait for the plane to get in. While some people hate DFW, it's not a bad airport. Though putting Starbucks on the other end of the terminal is a killer. AirTran is a pretty good airline, but the seats on their planes leave a lot to be desired... Forty-five minutes late taking off, we got to Atlanta with little drama.

By the time I got to the baggage claim, my bags were waiting. Off to Alamo to get car; their kiosk was actually easy to use, and the bus got us to the lot quickly. Where everyone waited while they sorted us all out; normally you just pick out a car in your class and go. Not today. Took far too long, but I got a Jeep Liberty out of it. A while back, my spouse had looked at one but didn't seem impressed. This was not an '08, which has supposedly been improved, but it was pretty new and in great shape. But it needed a bigger engine; too many downshifts from the automatic transmission for me.

Called Sabrina Pandora to warn her I was on the way. One of the people I had to see on this trip was Sabrina, and she graciously offered to chaperoned me around for the afternoon and take me to her favorite nail salon. See, for me, SCC really starts when I get my nails done, and ends when I take the polish off Saturday night/Sunday morning...

Found Sabrina's house, after making a big mistake. Met Max the Wonder Dog, saw the Sabrina Cave, and we were soon off to running the roads. Sabrina's a very comfortable person to be around; I haven't known her as long as some other people, but it's like we've known each other forever. We can be totally honest with each other, and though she thinks I don't listen sometimes, I really to take her advice.

By the end of the day, we were at Sabrina's nail place (which she needs to send me the name of, for future reference). I don't get acrylics or anything else, just get my natural nails polished. I'd been letting them grow out some, and with a beautiful OPI red polish (which I'll have to look at later for the color), I felt a lot better. Even if the rest of me was totally drab...

Dropped Sabrina off at her house, promising to drop in on her at work later in the week. After six years, SCC was moving from a downtown location (the Sheraton Colony Square is being converted into a W Hotel) to the Crowne Plaza Ravinia, out on the Perimeter (the I-285 loop) near GA400. This meant we were further from downtown and the airport, but we were across from Perimeter Mall. I had no idea what was in the vicinity, so I was going to have to relearn where things were...

The hotel is very pretty, with a huge indoor garden. I got checked in relatively quickly, but the hotel made a big misstep from the start. Normally, I use a debit card to pay for things. After having had problems with credit cards in the past, I don't use one except in very extreme circumstances (under pain of death by the spouse). I was informed at the desk that, because I was using a debit card, I had to prepay for the room. No problem; I'd planned on that, and having a small amount held in reserve to cover possible incidentals. However, I was then told that they were going to hold $50 a night to cover incidentals. Okay. And that it'd remain on hold for 14 days after I'd checked out. Um, no, no way. Every other hotel I'd stayed at released the hold at check out, or a day after. So I told them I would not have any incidentals, and would just pay for things as I needed.

I'd shipped a package to the hotel, and when I asked the bellman he had a time finding it. But I got my stuff up to the room (which didn't have a number on the door), and the room was actually pretty nice. Large enough for two beds and some space to move, but the dresser was tiny. And the bathroom lighting was terrible. Unlike the Sheraton, the bathroom lights were fluorescents and I couldn't just replace the bulbs to get more light. Oh, and the AC takes forever to cool the room (though it did manage to keep it relatively cool the rest of the week).

Got to bed at a decent time, which won't happen again the rest of the week...

Zelda wore: boring boy stuff (trust me, it gets better....)

Thought for the evening

Posted on the door of one of the (unisex) bathrooms at a coffee house:

"Traditional bathrooms sign would leave you to believe that there is a difference between a man and a woman in a skirt."

Dallas Voice :: Casino denies access to Dallas trans woman

Dallas Voice :: Casino denies access to Dallas trans woman

A local transgender woman who recently was denied access to a Louisiana casino is claiming discrimination.

But representatives from the casino and the state’s Gaming Control Board said establishments can bar people from entering if photos on their identifications don’t match their appearances.

Jody Pleasant, 31, of Dallas has been living as a woman for five years. On June 3, Pleasant, her male lover and two gay male friends went to Boomtown Casino & Hotel in Bossier City, La.

However, because Pleasant’s ID indicates that she’s male, the man working the door wouldn’t let her in, she said.

“He said if you’re a man, then you have to look like a man to come into our casino,” Pleasant said. “We were just dismissed, totally. It was a blatant display of discrimination to me.”

Pleasant, as a female impersonator whose stage name is Kandy, is unable to get her ID changed because she has not undergone transition surgery and Texas has no gender-marker law. However, she said on the day in question, she was not dressed “provocatively” and looked similar to the photo on her ID.

To add insult to injury, Pleasant said, the man working the door required her to stand in front of his podium where she was mocked by other entering guests. She said she waited there for 10 minutes for a manager, who confirmed she would not be allowed in.

“They were all staring and pointing, and it was just a very demeaning situation to me,” Pleasant said.

Pleasant said it’s the first time she’s had an issue with her ID not matching her appearance, including at airports.

In response to the incident, Pleasant said she sent the casino a certified letter and called a another manager but received no apology. She said she also has contacted Lambda Legal. After being denied access to Boomtown, Pleasant and her friends went to another casino and were allowed in with no problem.

Max Mills, director of casino operations for Boomtown, indicated that the state’s gaming control act requires establishments to ensure that appearances match IDs to prevent access by people such as those who are underage.

“We have to be black and white, by the book. Either the person’s ID is representative of how they look or it isn’t,” Mills said. “We want everybody on the boat [casino], but then again if the gaming act says something, we have to follow it scrupulously.”

Mills denied that discrimination was behind the decision, adding that many LGBT people patronize the casino.

“I’m sure it was a very embarrassing situation, and I feel bad about that,” he said. “Hopefully our guys had tact and had a certain amount of good manners and appropriate language and so forth.”

A spokesman for the gaming commission, who asked not to be identified, was unable to cite a specific section of the lengthy act that could be interpreted to require that appearances match IDs. However, he also said the act gives casinos the leeway to set their own policies.

“Any business operator can exclude certain people based on their own judgments and rules,” the spokesman said.

Paul Scott, executive director of Equality Texas, said it’s unlikely Pleasant would be able to change the gender marker on her driver’s license until she has undergone transition surgery. Even then, she would have to take the matter to court, where the change may or may not be approved depending on the judge.

A comprehensive gender-marker bill was introduced in this year’s legislative session but failed to make it out of committee, Scott said. The bill would have allowed people to change their birth certificates, names and driver’s licenses with affidavits from doctors saying they are undergoing transition surgery.

“The Department Of Motor Vehicles, they want acceptable ID, so there’s not any opposition from the department itself. It’s more so just coming up with a set, definitive policy that’s covered by state law,” said Scott, adding that advocates have been working on the issue for roughly a decade. “It’s a matter of getting the Legislature educated.”
E-mail wright@dallasvoice.com



This article appeared in the Dallas Voice print edition August 3, 2007

© Copyright by DallasVoice.com

Proof that I don't burn in the sunlight

This was the first time I was in Atlanta, in 2000. Yes, I was going to Southern Comfort, but first I was going to stay with friends who were taking me out shopping in Little Five Points. I'd flown in the day before and had spent the night at their house, which is when I found out that as nice as they were, I was really putting them out, so I was going to leave their place a day early and move into the hotel where SCC was being held at that year.

But before that, we were going out. And for me, it was a huge moment. Because up to that point, I had never been out during the daytime, or been out shopping as a girl. I threw on my best gothgrrl/alternachick look, and off we went.

And I had a fun day! A great lunch at the Vortex, shopping in the stores in the area. I found my favorite ring on this trip, too. Towards the end of the afternoon, I posed for one last picture, in front of Throb, which was a fetish/alternative clothing store. I spent five minutes posing, waiting for her to take the shot. Finally I just put my foot down, and that's the pose you see.

It's one of my favorites, because it reminds me how happy I was that day, and how I could be out in public and actually be accepted. For me, it was an important day-and one early step.

Now, what happened afterward...

I got directions to the hotel, in Buckhead, and left Stone Mountain for what should have been a short drive. Of course, I get lost. Badly. Eventually, I find the right exit, start driving down what I hope is the right road, see the hotel, and when I walk in the door I realize I'm in the right place.

The rest of that weekend? Fabulous! But that is another story...

I got an excuse from my mom...

I have not posted anything here recently. My job has been incredibly hectic and time-consuming, and having a nice bout of depression has not helped. When I am depressed, I do not feel like writing, which is counter to what others do. I know, I have to be different...

But now that I am getting closer to returning to a normal schedule at work, I will start working on my blogging again. And I have to start getting things sorted out for Southern Comfort as well. I took care of booking a room a long time ago, and by waiting got a much cheaper flight this week (on AirTran, and yes I see the irony there). Atlanta is one of my favorite cities, and some of my favorite people live there.

Thanks to everyone who has commented to my posts; I think a viewer mail post is in the future :)