So, anyway, Tuesday I have an appointment with my therapist. She's done some good, and I like her a lot. During one session, she asked me if I wanted to come en femme sometime. I said I'd think about it...
I'd thought about it, and decided that I was going to do it. I mentioned it to the spouse last week; she didn't seem to object. But by Tuesday, I was rethinking the idea, because I have a tendency to over think things. Which is part of why I'm in therapy.
I did decide it was time, and managed to get ready faster than I had in a long time. And I was ready just as I needed to walk out the door. Checking the look out in the mirror: purple knit top (a Target find from a couple of years ago), jean skirt (Torrid), black tights, and black boots. Just a little bit of jewelery, checked the hair, out to the car, and a half hour later I was at the therapist's office building. One last check, deep breath, cross the parking lot...
Walked into her office, and she gave me a big hug. She said I looked great. I thanked her, and I did think I looked pretty good. Not really flashy, but not too demure. It was a balance, and I thought it worked. She offered me a soda, and I sat down on the couch, crossing my legs under me. It's a little thing, but it's part of the subtle things you have to do as a girl. The session went well. I talked to her about some things my spouse and I had discussed, some things I'd talked to my friend Sabrina about, and my own feelings. I know I still have a lot of work to do on my issues.
One of the things we both agreed on is that, when I'm en femme, there are some differences in my personality. Zelda is a bit more self-assured, open, and doesn't agonize over decisions as much. It's those positives that I need to find in myself the rest of the time.
After the session, my therapist gave me a big hug and told me how happy she was I had come, and that if I wanted to do it again I was certainly welcome. I got back in the car, and since I had some time left until I had to be home, I did the logical thing.
I went to the mall.
Well, the closest mall I could get to in a short period of time, which was Irving Mall. I had never been there, and I thought I might as well...The mall was a bit dead, surprising on an early afternoon during the week I thought. The only thing I bought was a couple of pairs of cheap sunglasses (hey, girl's gotta have them). There were some shoes that I liked, but not in my size (of course), and Lane Bryant didn't have anything I lusted for.
For the most, it was positive, but then I do not usually worry about being out in public. I was not trying to attract attention, but when you are as tall as I am, and not the most feminine person out there, you do get noticed. Though most of the time, people don't really pay attention. If you're confident in yourself, if you don't act or feel like you do not belong there, things go a lot better.
One thing that did happen was I needed to go to the bathroom. I have gone to public restrooms before, and never had a problem. Yet. And my choices were limited. I didn't want to try going to the public bathroom in the mall; wanted a bit more privacy and less chance to run into someone. So I went to Macy's, found the ladies room that was off the beaten path, and ducked into the closest stall. Because there were a couple of women in the other stalls. Did what was necessary, waited until they'd left, then walked out. Just like any other woman...
I drove back to the house, changed, and thought about the day...I think things went well, I felt better about things, and Zelda got some time out.
All good things.