There is a discussion on passing on the SCCLounge, which I moderate. One of the questions was about people who don't care if they do or do not pass, and I wrote:
I do not know if I represent "the other side" but do know I'm not overly concerned with being "passable" or "blending" when I go out. But I do think I make a pretty good Zelda.
I am over six feet tall and am not in the WNBA. I can't shop at Bebe or Forever 21-I'm a Lane Bryant and Torrid girl. I've got a few miles on the clock, which I am reminded of daily. And my personal style varies from Goth girl to casual funk to damned near soccer mom.
Okay, this one time, at SCC I went to the mall with a really nice, very cute and feminine tgirl. It was a Saturday afternoon, with lots of people shopping. We spent about an hour and a half in the mall, shopping and talking and in general enjoying ourselves. As we were leaving, this girl asked me "How do you stand it?"
"Stand what?" I said, wondering what had happened.
"The stares," she replied with a slightly concerned look on her face.
"What stares?" I replied. Which took her by surprise. After all, I *had* to be worried about having been "clocked" as a tgirls! Right?
Well, no. I had not paid attention to other people's reactions to me. I had not been looking around to see who had or had not been looking at me. Because it did not matter. I wasn't looking for other people's valitation, or for their acceptance or lack of it. I just was there, another person shopping in the mall.
I do know that the vast majority of people tend not to really say or do anything when they see me. Either I register as another woman in their mind, or they know something is different about me but they don't care enough to stop and take another look, or they know exactly what I am but it is not an issue for them. A handfull will take a second or longer look at me. They may say something to the person they are with, or not. They may smile at me, smirk knowingly, giggle, frown, or something else. And once in a blue moon, someone will actually make a remark to me or at me.
And I accept that those are all possibilities. But I do not let them discourage me. What I *do* is to go out and be myself. Because I have the choice of staying at home, woried that I am not going to blend or pass and trap myself in my own closet. Or, I accept who I am and just, well, do it.
I do feel comfortable with who I am-and that make a lot of difference. It's far more likely that you'll blend into the crowd if you feel like you belong there rather than feel like you're an outsider. Passing? That's good genes and/or medicine, and the ablilty to totally get rid of everything stereotypically male you can.
But for me, I'll just be the best Zelda I can be.
Thursday, April 23, 2009
Saturday, April 18, 2009
The Gathering Storm
Steven Colbert warns us about gay marriage...
| The Colbert Report | Mon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c | |||
| The Colbert Coalition's Anti-Gay Marriage Ad | ||||
| ||||
TransFeminism/CisFeminism: Why Can't We Be Friends? - Community
TransFeminism/CisFeminism: Why Can't We Be Friends? - Community
But one way hierarchies are maintained is by setting up situations where members of oppressed groups in turn oppress those with even less power and privilege because it is one of the only available ways to demonstrate power and attempt to move up in the world – by moving someone else down.
I've seen this in so many other minorities, yet it's a lesson few learn. The entire post is worth reading, and thinking about. It'd be nice if the gay and lesbian community would get a clue from it, too.
Just my opinion, that's all.
But one way hierarchies are maintained is by setting up situations where members of oppressed groups in turn oppress those with even less power and privilege because it is one of the only available ways to demonstrate power and attempt to move up in the world – by moving someone else down.
I've seen this in so many other minorities, yet it's a lesson few learn. The entire post is worth reading, and thinking about. It'd be nice if the gay and lesbian community would get a clue from it, too.
Just my opinion, that's all.
Saturday, April 11, 2009
Just a girl out on the town
After weeks of trying to arrange with a friend to go out shopping en femme, I thought I'd give it a shot last Wednesday. I mean, what's the worst that could happen going out by myself. Besides humiliation, embarrassment, having an accident...
Oh, nevermind.
Getting ready took longer than I wanted, of course. I managed to do a more conservative daytime makeup look, picked out a nice pink/black mod print blouse (Lane Bryant Outlet) with black trousers (Torrid) and pumps. My first stop was Wigit Boutique in Burleson. I'd been to in drab before. The time I went, one of the ladies said I should have come dressed up-so I did! We went through ten wigs and found one that's just perfect. Shorter than my usual length, but the same colour (Burgundy Rosa in Noriko). It wasn't in stock, but they ordered it and will adjust it so it will fit better. A very nice way to start out...
Next, a trip to Valley View Center in north Dallas. It's a mid-scale mall, not too busy that day. I found a nice pair of jeans at Ashley Stewart; the manager was helpful, even if she slipped a pronoun once. She looked so embarrassed that I took it as an accident, not an insult. A trip through a few other stores, nothing special.
I was going to a resale shop on Northwest Highway, but I totally missed the exit, so I kept going to Town East Mall in Mesquite. I'd never been there as a girl, and it's much busier than the first mall. A stop at Torrid, found a new t-shirt and tights, and sunglasses at a kiosk (I have a weakness for cheap knock-offs because I lose them all the time).
And then I went back home, cursing silently rush hour traffic, changing back to "boy stuff" and made dinner and reflected...
The good? New hair on the way, clothes, felt totally comfortable, no bad things happened.
The bad? One woman who said something like "Are you a fairy?" to me as I went down the escalator. If she hadn't had kids with her I would have gotten snarky, but I am not going to put someone's parent down in front of them. Even if they deserve it...
The ugly? Spent too much :P
I haven't gone out shopping since Southern Comfort in September. I haven't been out shopping in Dallas in over a year. I think I need to do this more often...
Oh, nevermind.
Getting ready took longer than I wanted, of course. I managed to do a more conservative daytime makeup look, picked out a nice pink/black mod print blouse (Lane Bryant Outlet) with black trousers (Torrid) and pumps. My first stop was Wigit Boutique in Burleson. I'd been to in drab before. The time I went, one of the ladies said I should have come dressed up-so I did! We went through ten wigs and found one that's just perfect. Shorter than my usual length, but the same colour (Burgundy Rosa in Noriko). It wasn't in stock, but they ordered it and will adjust it so it will fit better. A very nice way to start out...
Next, a trip to Valley View Center in north Dallas. It's a mid-scale mall, not too busy that day. I found a nice pair of jeans at Ashley Stewart; the manager was helpful, even if she slipped a pronoun once. She looked so embarrassed that I took it as an accident, not an insult. A trip through a few other stores, nothing special.
I was going to a resale shop on Northwest Highway, but I totally missed the exit, so I kept going to Town East Mall in Mesquite. I'd never been there as a girl, and it's much busier than the first mall. A stop at Torrid, found a new t-shirt and tights, and sunglasses at a kiosk (I have a weakness for cheap knock-offs because I lose them all the time).
And then I went back home, cursing silently rush hour traffic, changing back to "boy stuff" and made dinner and reflected...
The good? New hair on the way, clothes, felt totally comfortable, no bad things happened.
The bad? One woman who said something like "Are you a fairy?" to me as I went down the escalator. If she hadn't had kids with her I would have gotten snarky, but I am not going to put someone's parent down in front of them. Even if they deserve it...
The ugly? Spent too much :P
I haven't gone out shopping since Southern Comfort in September. I haven't been out shopping in Dallas in over a year. I think I need to do this more often...
Monday, March 30, 2009
Last Thursday
I had wanted to get out Thursday and go shopping but it did not happen. My friend Nikkie had invited me out to dinner, so I went ahead and got dressed. Makeup took far less time than usual; simplified a bit, and I think it came out well. Finding the right outfit took way too long; this seems to be typical. Finally I found a black babydoll dress with tie sleeves (Torrid), pink tights with fishnet tights on top (Torrid), and black dress boots (eBay). Met Nikkie and Christina at the Bronx on Cedar Springs, which as become our place of choice. The food is good, and the servers are great. We have one particular server-Mr. Fabulous-who is fun, give great service, and is cute. A couple of friends of Nikkie's came by and after dinner we went by Sue Ellen's, because nobody but I had been there. It's a large lesbian club, with a big dancefloor downstairs, live music up, and a sitting area and patios. We had a few drinks, chattted, etc. It's less hectic than Station 4, and a different crowd.
An early night, and the first Thursday in a while I had not gone to The Church. I have not been to Panopticon in a while (since they moved back to Club One) and I missed the "fetish night" Friday (mostly due to a lack of motivation).
An early night, and the first Thursday in a while I had not gone to The Church. I have not been to Panopticon in a while (since they moved back to Club One) and I missed the "fetish night" Friday (mostly due to a lack of motivation).
Friday, March 13, 2009
Last night
Wet, rainy, cold. Perfect night to go out. Spent way too much time getting ready. Makeup was good, except I still can't do false eyelashes worth a damn. Picked an outfit, then picked another, then had issues trying to figure out what to wear. I hate being indecisive, yet it happens all the time.
Finally picked out a black cross strap dress from Torrid, with fishnet stockings and patent boots from Electrique Boutique. Added a jacket that matched the dress that I had bought two years ago at Torrid. Got out of the house way late, drove directly to The Church to meet the girls. I was mad at myself for missing time chatting over drinks at the Bronx, but it's my own fault. Dancing, drinking, chatting, all good things. Left about 1 AM, got home and overslept this morning (a bad habit I have).
Finally picked out a black cross strap dress from Torrid, with fishnet stockings and patent boots from Electrique Boutique. Added a jacket that matched the dress that I had bought two years ago at Torrid. Got out of the house way late, drove directly to The Church to meet the girls. I was mad at myself for missing time chatting over drinks at the Bronx, but it's my own fault. Dancing, drinking, chatting, all good things. Left about 1 AM, got home and overslept this morning (a bad habit I have).
Sunday, March 8, 2009
Help!
My friend D has a horrible problem:
Hit Me from D Shellhammer on Vimeo.
Please, visit The Artist D now and help a person out?
Hit Me from D Shellhammer on Vimeo.
Please, visit The Artist D now and help a person out?
Thursday, March 5, 2009
Sometimes, they get it right
I love this. It's an ad for an Argentine bank; you really need to watch it. Because it says far more about how one person can learn to accept not by being forced, but by realizing how human we all are.
I'd bank with them, if they had an American branch. Probably safer than banking with some companies here...
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