Z and the Universe

Here’s to the American Dream

2012-01-10T22:49:00.002-06:00

Posted by my friend Sabrina Pandora on her Facebook

Here’s to the American Dream

I’d like for this to see some circulation, folks, so if you could repost it and ask that it be passed along, I would very much appreciate it. Maybe if enough people read it then maybe someone might be held accountable for these sort of things, and it might save someone else from the same fate.

When I met Wendie Goers, she was just beginning her gender transition, and amongst the advice that I gave her, I warned her that in order to finally gain possession of her own soul and be true to herself, she would have to be prepared to lose everything. How true that advice has proven to be today.

I lost my job in early 2009, and she lost her job in mid 2009. We both set to hunting work with a fervor, making our daily job to seek out opportunities to get us back into the workforce. She fretted and worried but I reassured her… something would give, someone would hire us. We were intelligent, motivated and experienced- sure, we were a little unusual, but that wouldn’t put people off in a tolerant city like Atlanta.

We worked, we chased, we hunted… and we failed. We drained our savings, we drained our retirement, we drained our nest egg, we sold everything in sight and traded like fur trappers on the Mississippi. We kept other folk’s spirits up, fed the hungry that came to our door and did our best to be a haven for those in need and for those whose circumstances were poor- after all, that’s part of the American Dream. Take care of people and be good folks, help out here and there, do what you can… part of what makes America great, and what makes Atlanta such a nice city. We kept at it and kept at it, all the while with me reassuring Wendie that something had to give eventually… and I was oh so terribly wrong.

I think my favorite ‘opportunity’ was the one where it came down to Wendie or the other candidate for a job with An Unnamed Workshop, and they decided to hire the other candidate (with the possibility of Wendie getting contract work). We later found out that the other candidate had lied extensively about her skills and experience, which Wendie had not… and of course, Wendie was never contacted for contract work ever, nor even reconsidered for the position, never contacted... hell, they couldn’t even be bothered to reply to her inquiries. In the end they apparently rehired the person who had quit and just gave them a big old raise instead. It beat hiring a tranny I guess. You know what those people are like, after all. They put people off and scare away customers.

So that brings us to our current topic- our beloved and embattled home. Wells Fargo financed Wendie’s purchase of our home back in 2005, when she put 20% down and bought into the idea that this was a ‘transitional neighborhood’. If that transition meant ‘from bad to worse’ then that description was accurate- the original note for the home was $189,000. Today it is valued at $40,000- how’s that for a transition?

Now, if we’d been smart, we would have seen the writing on the wall when we first became unemployed, realized that we were now unemployable by virtue of being middle-aged transwomen in Atlanta and just walked away from the mortgage, let it slide into bankruptcy and used the money we still had at that point to just buy a foreclosure elsewhere free and clear and been better off for our trouble. But instead we played it straight. We believed in the American Dream. We held out hope for change, kept at it and slowly burned through every resource we had.

Finally in 2011 we got a break and an idea… if we could go back to school, then we could get loans and grants and that could help keep us afloat while we learned a trade. Cosmetology is a career that is historically open and embraces ‘alternate lifestyles’- or as we liked to put it, “Let’s get into a field where nobody cares that we’re big girls with deep voices!” Then we got more good news- Wells Fargo had a mortgage assistance program that could get our payments lowered, and if we qualified, we could get our mortgage payment lowered for good! We were still sinking, but we were treading water like champions now. All we had to do was make it out of school and we would have trade skills in a field that would embrace us, and more importantly, hire us. We could do this!

Or not.

First we got our bit of news from one of the preeminent salons in town, who pointed out that while effeminate gay men are always in fashion with moneyed women, transwomen never will be, and they wouldn’t ever consider hiring us… and they weren’t alone. Our dream of a new career took a hit, but we persevered. We could make it work… we could just work within the gay community, because we didn’t repel them; or at least, not as much as so very many of the straight community.

Then came the notice that not only had our mortgage assistance program run its course; great, were we approved for a new payment structure? Hahaha! Not only were we not approved, we now owed even more than we had been ‘assisted’ for over that six month period. So either pay Wells Fargo five grand plus right here and now or we foreclose… wait, what?!? Can’t we appeal? Sure, feel free. Don’t expect Wells Fargo to respond though. Is there someone else we can speak to?

Nope, it has to go through the one guy handling your case who doesn’t want to talk to you, return your calls or acknowledge any paperwork that you send in. Well, if we can scrape them together can we at least make regular mortgage payments for now? Nope, your payment option is frozen until you pay us… wait, six grand and change now, all in one lump sum. No, wait, scratch that, we’ve decided that we’re just going to foreclose on you. Oh, and don’t expect much communication about it either… here’s a month’s notice to get out of your home, and be grateful for that.

Now, I am not a businesswoman, obviously. So I do not understand the intricacies of mortgage financing… particularly the part where refinancing the home to keep a couple who has clawed and struggled to hold on to a home in a terrible DMZ of a neighborhood, who have watched the value of the home plummet lower and lower, who have braved drive-by shootings and muggings on their doorstep to try to hold on and turn the neighborhood around is not preferable to simply dumping the property.

See, here is Wells Fargo logic at work. If they can take a loss on the remaining $140,000 of this note- which they will, oh boy will they- and force us to default, then they can sell the house as a foreclosure on the courthouse steps. Let’s see, according to the Fulton County tax assessor’s figures, on the average that means that this house should sell for about $10,000. Yup, ten grand, leaving $130,000 for them to write off (though they did collect fifty grand from us in the seven years we’ve been here).

Is that how they paid their bailout money off?

And then the house will likely be bought by an investor who has never set foot in this neighborhood (nor will they) who will just as likely turn what was once our home into Section 8 housing… at least, after the repair all of the damage that will occur as soon as we aren’t here, like replacing the AC unit and furnace the locals will steal for copper, the refrigerator they will steal outright, the gutters they will tear off for the aluminum… it is a lot like watching locusts attack a farm crop, really.

I know, you think I am exaggerating… sadly, I am not. There is a reason almost all of the AC units in this neighborhood have cages welded around them.
So here we are, still trying to get out of school- hey, the congressional cut to the grant program really helped too, America, thanks for that. So much for helping out with the bills. We got a little money, but finding out it was going to be cut right in the middle of our scholastic career was a winner for sure. And now after all of this we’ll lose our home, the nearby property values will decline that much more, and we will be out on the streets with severely damaged credit after all of our savings has been poured into a home that is no longer ours.

I’d like to tell you that through all of this I still have optimism, that I still have hope. I would like to tell you that this story will have a happy ending and that a miracle will come along and save our home, and let us keep our little house in the ghetto that we’ve worked so hard on to make it a nice place, where we were going to build a salon in the garage so that we would be able to give ourselves jobs in a field that apparently isn’t very fond of us, but at least might support us. I would like to say that I still believe in the American Dream- that perseverance, doing the right thing, working hard and being good honest people still pays off.

I’d like to say that, but damned if it would be very convincing through all of the tears.

365 days

2012-01-01T02:30:00.001-06:00

2011 was better than 2010, but that's not saying a lot. The bad stuff:

I was diagnosed with hypothyroidism and depression
My back is getting progressively worse
Spent far too much money on car repairs
My mother had health and financial issues that required me dropping everything and going to take care of her
My stepson has dropped out of college, and has shown little desire to go back
My wife has had her own health issues-physical and mental
I wanted to walk away from something I'd created and cared for because I didn't think anyone cared but me
And I'm still out of work

The good stuff:

I have friends, some of whom went well out of their way to help me when I was at a very low point in my life. They know who they are, and I will never be able to let them know how truly much what they did meant to me
I can't count how many people told me they would have missed me if I hadn't been to Southern Comfort this year. It meant a lot to know that.
My family is doing better-mom's better, my wife is losing weight and feels healthier than she has in years, and my stepson is slowly realizing that school is better than real life
My wife got to take her first real vacation since we moved to Dallas five years ago
We are not saddled with huge amounts of debit
My family loves me and accepts me for who I am

So it's not really that bad, is it? I'm actually looking forward to 2012. I have hope, and love, and that's what matters, isn't it?

A happy new year to you all,

Zelda Rose

Hyperbole and a Half: Adventures in Depression

2011-11-19T20:50:00.001-06:00

A cartoonist gives one of the best descriptions of depression from the inside I've ever read. Sadly, I know how this feels all to well...

Learning to swim

2011-09-30T10:20:00.000-05:00

This was a reply to someone on the SCCLounge about their difficulties meeting people at the convention. I think it also applies to people getting out in general...

I'm not a "Big Sister," though I do seem to find the newbies and point them in the right directions all the time. Not just at SCC, but in my own city. And this is going to sound harsh, but I mean it in the most sincere, most caring way...

If you're upset about not making connections, it's your fault. You're at the largest gathering of transpeople in the world, surrounded by hundreds of people like yourself. The most understanding group you'll ever meet, because they know exactly how you feel.

Did you go to any of the meals? You could have talked to the people you were sitting with. Did you go to any of the seminars? You had lots of opportunities to ask questions or talk to someone. What about just going to the lobby or the bar?

Need a topic? I tell people I love what they're wearing-that's how I found one of by best friends! Trust me, we all love a compliment and say they like our style. Or, if I'm in a seminar and someone asks a good question, I tell them afterward. I've met people over dinner, listening to their conversations and asking questions.

Okay, yes, I'm THAT Zelda so people are always walking up to me. But I wasn't so well known when I first came to SCC. What I was was a shy, insecure girl. I could have stayed in my room, but I didn't. Because I would rather get out there and fail than die by inches alone...

And yes, I really am shy. Horribly so. I am insecure about how I look, I worry about that I'll say something stupid, or I'll have someone scream "It's a dude!" at me from across a room.

But I eventually look at myself in the mirror and I'm the best looking Zelda I can be. I'll say stupid things, then laugh at myself and people think it's just me being me. And people don't scream at you, unless they're drunk and on Bourbon Street.

I guess what I'm trying to tell you is, you have to do it. You have to look at yourself and love yourself and realize that you're the person who has to push you out there. You have to push yourself, because this is important. Every one of us faced what you did-feeling alone and unwanted. But we also decided that we weren't going to stay that way.

Courtney, I do wish I'd seen you at SCC. Because I'd have told you to step up to the diving board, and jump.

Because you can swim, dear. And you'll swim just fine.

xoxo

Zelda Rose

SCC-Yes, I didn't keep up with my posts

2011-09-29T11:20:00.000-05:00

I did so well last year, and this time? Not so good. I'll post my usual braindump of things that happened over the weekend. I had the best time in a long time, and some new ideas came to mind...

Catching up at SCC

2011-09-23T09:46:00.001-05:00

It's been a very good convention. Nice tribute to Ann at lunch yesterday. Seen people who haven't been here in ages. More later because updating on my phone sucks.

SCC 2011-Day 1

2011-09-21T23:33:00.001-05:00

Up early, lots of rushing about, kiss the family, pet the cat. Got to the airport early enough to get coffee and pastry. The flight was crowded-the man I sat next to seemed totally uncomfortable with my being near him. Fly first class, bitch.

Got through Atlanta's airport quickly-even had time for lunch. Took MARTA to the hotel, saw a few people in the lobby. Went to the room-very nice, but the AC is lacking as always. Got cleaned up and dressed to meet the world as Zelda. A quick trip to the mall for a mani pedi and brow wax-OPI's Lincoln Park After Dark the proper shade. Back to the hotel, again seeing people and having overpriced dinner. An early night, mostly because I want to actually catch a seminar before noon...

51lbs?

2011-09-21T05:40:00.002-05:00

But I've still got space in by suitcase! Taking stuff out, moving stuff around, I hate flying...If everything goes well, I'll be on a plane by 11 AM and in Atlanta in a few hours. Where it's raining. And my leg is bothering me again. Where's my Aleve...

Two days

2011-09-19T01:45:00.001-05:00

It's two days until I board a flight to Atlanta for the Southern Comfort Conference. I've actually been far more organized this year than normal. Shipped a box of stuff to the hotel so I won't have to deal with two bags on MARTA, and the cost was equal to what I'd pay AirTran for an extra bag. Tentatively, I leave here about 8 AM and skirt the traffic to DFW, park and catch my flight. I should be in Atlanta by 2PM their time, and hopefully to the hotel by 4. Check in, girl up and either get a ride to my favorite nail salon or go to the mall and use the one there, get a mani pedi done and back to the hotel. See people, get something to eat, and get ready for the rest of the convention.

At least, that's the plan :P

The SCC Survival Guide, 2011 Edition

2011-09-09T11:55:00.003-05:00

The 2011 Southern Comfort Conference Survival Guide

Thanks to everyone who has posted suggestions and comments over the years. And please, if you come up with an idea or suggestion or correction, send an email to me (my email address is at the end of this document) and I'll add it next time.

The Most Important Thing You Need To Do:

Write the words "Have fun" on a Post-It note and stick it to the mirror that you use the most in your room. These are the most important two words to remember when you attend SCC. It is acceptable for you to enjoy yourself this week! I give you permission, okay?

Getting There/Getting Around:

-Give yourself some extra time traveling. If you're flying, there will be something to slow things down at the airport. If you are driving, traffic will be terrible and construction will make you crazy. The Crowne Plaza is located near I-285-aka “The Perimeter”-and Atlanta's rush hour traffic is legendary. Rush hour never really ends in Atlanta. Leave an hour early; if you get there early, more time to relax. And don't forget that GA-400 is a toll road; bring change. 

-If you're driving in Atlanta, get a good map. It is not a joke that half the streets are named "Peachtree!" Street names change from one block to the next, and it's not all in a nice grid pattern. Then add in road construction on both surface streets and highways . . . Go online to Google Maps, Yahoo Maps, MapQuest, or your favorite mapping site and do some trip planning. Or invest in a GPS.

-MARTA is Atlanta's mass transit system; their website is www.itsmarta.com. There is a MARTA station at Dunwoody Plaza, on the western side of the mall. The hotel offers shuttle service to and from the station. I have heard both positive and negative things about MARTA. Some locals feel it's not a good thing to be on if you're in girl mode; others say it's fine. I have only used MARTA in drab, and it was a pretty good option. The North-South Line will take you from the airport to the Dunwoody Station, which is the closest to the hotel. The airport station is right off the baggage claim. 

-I'm sure there are taxis in Atlanta, but you don't see them very often. Ask the concierge for recommendations, and make sure you get the company's phone number so you can have a cab pick you up when you are finished. Pricewise, they’re about the same as most other major cities. 

-You can never bring too much with you. At least that's my excuse. But airlines restrict the number of bags you can check, and sometimes there are things you would rather not trust to them. Now they are using baggage as a profit center. Most airlines charge for one or more bags, and the fees vary. Before you book your tickets, check the airline’s website for fees. If you are using Kayak to compare ticket prices, you can also check these fees there as well. 

UPS and FedEx have been promoting using their services to ship your luggage to your destination. You can box them up (or take them to a UPS Store or FedEx Office location and let them do it), and ship them to the hotel. Make sure you put "Hold for guest (your name), Arriving (your arrival date)" on the label. Let the hotel know you are shipping a package so they will hold it for you. On arrival, ask the desk to have the package brought up to your room. And, if you're smart, you'll get a return label to ship it all back home! I have used UPS for years and it’s been a very convenient, hassle-free method. My only problem was in 2010, when the hotel had failed to have the package picked up after I left (which is why you keep your tracking numbers; I found out on the UPS website it hadn’t been picked up and called the hotel to find out why).

-Atlanta's Hartsfield/Jackson Airport is the major transit hub in the South. There's an old joke that when you die, to get to Heaven you have to transfer through Hartsfield. There is some truth to this . . . Atlanta is the hub for Delta Air Lines and for AirTran (and the irony is never lost on me). Before you go to the airport, check their website (http://www.atlanta-airport.com/) and find out what terminal you’ll be flying out of. It is actually a nice airport, just incredibly busy. 

-While flying has gotten more expensive, it is still possible to find good flights for less. Bing Travel (http://www.bing.com/travel) uses Farecast's fare forecasting algorithm to predict if and when prices will change. I use this in conjunction with Kayak (http://kayak.com), which searches airline websites and the online travel sites to find the best prices. Kayak, like all other sites can't get prices from Southwest or JetBlue, but since neither flies to Atlanta this is not really an issue. Kayak also has an option to show you how much a flight is with baggage fees included-which can make a huge difference in the cost. 

-When should you start looking for flights? As soon as possible. The best day to shop is Tuesday afternoons, when airlines post sales and other airlines try to compete.

The Hotel and What to Know:

The 2011 Southern Comfort Conference will be held at the Crowne Plaza Atlanta-Ravinia, which is near Perimeter Mall. The hotel is near the intersection of GA400 and I-285. There are also a number of places to eat and shop within a short distance.

-This is our fifth year at the Crowne Plaza. The hotel staff now knows what dealing with an SCC crowd is like. But we still overtax the staff, and your drink and food orders take a bit longer than normal. Please be patient?

-ALL Hotels have bad lighting in the bathroom. Saves energy, makes doing your makeup or shaving harder. Bring a lighted make-up mirror.

-The City of Atlanta and Fulton County have a non-smoking ordinance, so if you have to indulge you can't do it in the bar or the lobby. You'll have to go outside the hotel.

-The hotel charges $9.95 a day for internet service throughout the hotel. Panera Bread, 4531 Perimeter Way, and Caribou Coffee, 123 Perimeter Center West, offer free Wi-Fi and are near the mall. Starbucks will give you free Wi-Fi as well; there’s one in Perimeter Mall, and the closest standalone stores are at 1155 Mt. Vernon Parkway and 5561 Chamblee-Dunwoody Rd.

-Most hotels charge a fortune for outgoing calls-local or other. Bring a cell phone or a calling card and use the payphones in the meeting room areas.

-Yes it's been mentioned before, but please, be a lady in the restroom. Or a gentleman. It is a public area, and you need to behave like you belong there! Girls, do NOT STAND UP TO PEE. And it's not a dressing room. Go to your room if you have major work to be done, okay? The hotel WILL ask you to leave.

-Parking is free at the Crowne Plaza, unless you use the valet service. The parking garage is behind the hotel. Follow the signs, and park in the guest spaces. And the hotel does not hold spaces for guests, so it does fill up.

Things You Might Want To Bring:

-Calling cards. You may think they are silly, but when you are writing your contact information multiple times and looking for scraps of paper, you'll wish you had some. You can use Microsoft Word to create a card, and Avery (avery.com) has templates on their website. Print them out on your inkjet on good paper, and presto! Another option is VistaPrint (www.vistaprint.com),which will let you create cards online and sends you nice, professionally printed ones in a very short time.

-A small survival kit, with safety pins, a sewing kit, batteries, first aid supplies, meds, a small flashlight, etc. A Swiss Army knife is useful; a multitool is even better. If you are flying, make sure you pack the knife in your checked luggage! And pack a few zip top bags; they come in handy.

-Pack at least one pair of comfortable shoes. You may love your heels, and can walk all day in them, but at least once you'll wish you had some flats or tennis shoes. And how many times have you worn a new pair of shoes all day and your feet were in pain afterward?

-Snack bars or something similar, for those mornings when you don't have time to get breakfast. If you are me, that is pretty much every morning...There is a Starbucks nook in the lobby, for emergency caffeine (stories of my need for lattes are not exaggerated).

-A small notebook. I prefer the Moleskine books that you can pick up at Borders or Barnes and Noble or any good stationary store. Small enough to carry in your pocket or purse, they have a small pocket in the back to store cards and notes, built-in bookmarks and a good elastic band to keep them closed. But any notebook you can fit into a purse, bag, case, etc. will do. I never go to a convention without one, usually filled with notes on places I want to go, directions, things to do, and note from seminars.

-A camera. Even if you don't think you will take one shot, trust me, you'll want to carry one around. And make sure you have a large enough memory card that you do not need to download shots constantly. Of course if your phone takes high quality shots, you can use that for quick photos. A tripod would be nice to have, even if it is a tabletop one. If you are doing self-portraits, it makes things a lot easier. Oh, don't forget extra batteries or a charger! 

Please remember to ask permission before taking photos of other people and to make sure that you are not catching someone in the background who might not want their picture taken. If you don't get permission, don't take the shot!

-Makeup wipes. Those disposable, moist towelettes you can use to remove your makeup. Use them to remove most of your makeup, then a good cleansing-which will leave no makeup on the towels. The housekeepers will appreciate it. I prefer Neutrogena's, but Ponds or Boots (from Target) work as well.

-A towel. Preferably a dark one, which you can use to wipe your face while you’re cleaning off makeup. This keeps you from making a mess of one of the hotel’s towels, and if you have to go interstellar hitchhiking…

-If you bring your laptop, remember the cables for your charger, camera, iPhone, and whatever other devices you connect to it. It's not fun when you are far from home and you can't download your shots, charge the iPhone or the laptop...Many devices use the same kind of cables. And do not forget the charger for your cellphone and other electronic devices.

-A shoe shine kit. You'll want to put a nice shine on your shoes before going out, and you might find someone who needs a good shoe shine or boot blacking...

-A swimsuit. There is a pool party on Saturday afternoon, but the pool is available during the day and evenings. Work on your tan, unless you're me :P

-If you use injectable medications (hormones, insulin, etc.), bring a sharps container. The hotel does not have these in the rooms, which is not unusual. However, you do not want to dispose of needles, lancets, or other sharps in the regular hotel trash. In a pinch, you can use an empty soda bottle or can. Tape the opening shut before you throw it out to protect hotel employees from accidental sticks.

The Conference and Things to Know:

-Remember, you need to use the name you registered with on the SCC website when picking up your packet. The registration people will appreciate it. Check your packet BEFORE you leave the desk; if something is wrong, let the registration people know.

-Print out a copy of the schedule before you go and make a rough plan of what events and classes you want to go to. You will find conflicts-with so much going on you can't do it all! It is easier to plan ahead.

-Don't try to plan the entire convention! Leave time for the unexpected and the last minute adventure. I have SO violated this one too many times-made too many plans and ended up miserable for a day. Learn from my failures, okay?

-If you have the opportunity, go out and explore the city. Atlanta's one of the most LGBT-friendly cities I know, and there's lots of places to see and do. Again, it's up to your comfort level but I will say Atlanta expanded my horizons...

-If you have questions, ask! SCC staff members and volunteers are always there to help, and no question is stupid. I know we've been asked EVERYTHING!

-Keep your name tag on you. Not only will this identify you, it lets people know who you are. How often do you realize that the person you just saw is someone you've talked to online for years? It's happened to me many times. You will need your name tag to enter the seminar areas, events, and it is also your meal ticket for the lunches and dinners (if you ordered them). And when you leave the hotel, take your name tag off or you look like a tourist...

And Finally:

Again...have fun!


7/6/2011 v.1.2
Created, compiled and edited by Zelda Rose (divamissz@gmail.com)
You may reprint this if you keep the attribution.

Choice

2011-09-06T17:50:00.000-05:00

A depressed actress battling suicidal thoughts is visited by choice incarnate and given a simple yet timeless ultimatum, live or die. "Choice" is an inspirational film meant to remind people that even though there are no guarantees in life, its still worth the risk.

We all have choices. If you feel like you have none, talk to someone, get help. Live.

Makeup!

2011-09-05T00:20:00.000-05:00

If you're a CD, I'm guessing you are looking for something that will cover up things like beard shadow. Depending on how dark it is, you will probably need a creme or panstick concealer and/or foundation.

Max Factor Panstick used to be the favorite of drag queens and crossdressers everywhere. A panstick is a creme foundation that comes in what looks like a large lipstick-type container. It's a heavy cover foundation, and it would hide nearly anything. But Max Factor no longer sells in the States, though you can find it through the secondary market but there are alternatives.
MAC Full Coverage Foundation is a favorite, but it's a MAC PRO store only item now. But MAC Studio Finish SPF 35 Concealer is essentially Full Coverage with SPF protection in a lot smaller container, and is available at all MAC counters. This is a creme foundation that you can apply with a brush or sponge, covers extremely well. But if you have very dry skin, it's not for you.
Kryolan TV Paint Stick is a panstick foundation made for theater/film/television use. It's as heavy a coverage as Max Factor Panstick, but less greasy. You'll have to go to a theatrical supply house for it, but most cities have one.
Dermablend, which is a corrective makeup. It's made to cover scars and blemishes, and you can find it at ULTA, Dillard's or JCPenny. It's expensive, you have to learn the right way to use it, and be patient with it. I find it works better on some people than others; you need to try it before you buy it.
Translucent loose powders will set your foundation/concealer, keeping it from rubbing off too easily and a smoother look. MAC, Make Up Forever, Ben Nye, etc. all make great powders. If you're using Dermablend, you need their setting powder because that seems to work the best for their formulation. Powder puffs work the best-you can "press" the powder into your foundation, then brush off the excess. This makes it stick to your foundation better.

Depending on your skin condition and what kind of look you want, you can either use any one of these as your concealer and foundation all over, or use them as a concealer and then apply a liquid foundation over it. Revlon's Colorstay is a great liquid foundation, with great coverage and shades. Make Up Forever's HD foundation is incredible, but it's also expensive and if you're not doing makeup daily might be a bad investment.

My recommended application technique:

After shaving, moisturizing (if needed) and/or primer, apply concealer to the beard areas. Use either a foundation brush or a damp sponge, pat it on first, then blend it out. Start with a little, then build it up. You can't remove too much foundation! You want the shadow to just disappear.
Next, use a translucent powder with a powder puff to "set" the concealer. This keeps it in place while you apply your foundation over it.
Apply your foundation over your face. If you're using a liquid, either use a stippling brush or sponge, and avoid streaking. If you're using a creme or panstick, use a far smaller amount than you did as concealer, lightly apply all over to achieve a uniform shade all over your face.
Apply a translucent powder over your foundation with a powder puff, let it set, then gently brush any excess off with a large, soft brush.

If you're going for a "natural" look, a concealer/liquid combo is good. If you want a very flawless, very matte finish (for performing or photography or because you want a classic look), creme/panstick all over will do it. But you need to experiment-you may find that you can work panstick for daytime look, or liquid for photos, etc.

Why I Love Cross-Dressers | The Transadvocate

2011-09-04T16:57:00.001-05:00

Why I Love Cross-Dressers | The Transadvocate

Ten reasons why a trans-identified woman sees herself as an ally for cross-dressers and why others should respect them as well.

Phoebe Snow 1950-2011

2011-08-26T15:35:00.000-05:00

Nevermind

2011-07-31T12:26:00.000-05:00

I will be at SCC, after all. Things just worked out; thank whomever you wish. I so look forward to seeing my friends!

Amy Winehouse 1983-2011

2011-07-23T21:41:00.000-05:00

She had an incredible voice, but was beset by her own demons of self-destruction. Like too many talented people, she fell to them and was lost too soon.

Learning to fly

2011-06-29T09:54:00.002-05:00

This is going to be a series of posts about what I think are important things for transpeople to think about. These are the lessons I had to learn, the things that let me be who I am now. If you find them useful, please let me know.

From a post about SCC 2007:

One of the more remarkable moments of the trip was a small one. One of the DC Posse wanted to go to the mall across the street, but didn't' want to go alone, so of course I generously volunteered to join her. Yes, I'm so selfless...Did some shopping, we tried on hats (she wanted a ball cap, which she kept putting on sideways), got coffee. On the way back out, she asked me how I could stand people staring at me.

I said, "What people?" I had not noticed anyone staring. I really don't worry about what other people think when I'm out, unless they are openly hostile. It's not like I think I won't be noticed-I'm tall, big, and not exactly a shrinking violet in public. To learn how to be comfortable with yourself and not panic when you are "clocked" are two important social skills any transperson has to develop, quickly. Unless you want to remain in your closet forever...

This is a story I tell often. I use it to illustrate how your attitude matters so much in how accepted you are in public. But there's a bit more to it than what I wrote...

SCC moved to the Crowne Plaza Ravinia in 2007 from their old Midtown Atlanta location. The hotel we used was being renovated to become a W Hotel, and we ended up in NorthAtlanta, in the Dunwoody/Sandy Springs area. We were getting used to a new venue, which was far from our old grounds. But one nice thing was there was a mall across the road from the hotel. Perimeter Mall is an upscale mall, with the only standalone MAC Cosmetics store in Atlanta. Anchored by Dillard's, Macy's, Bloomingdale's and Nordstrom, it has a wonderful selection of stores.

Unlike Midtown, Bucktown or Little Five Points, you're in the 'burbs here. So the attitudes aren't always as liberal. And it was a Saturday afternoon, so there were a lot of people there. And I can just hear some of you say "I could never go out to a mall on a Saturday afternoon! I might run into someone I know, or I won't be passable enough, or people will point at me and say bad things or..."

Well, you're right, you might run into someone you know. But if you're in a different city, who are you going to run into? Or, if you're in your own, do you realize that you probably look a lot different en femme than you do en homme*? I know I do, and I've had people I know walk past me multiple times and not even recognize me.

Being "passable," what does that mean? Most would say it means being able to pass as a cisgendered woman in most situations; that nobody would think you were not TG. And that is something that very rarely happens. Most of us have something that is going to be incongruous. Hands that are too big, an Adam's apple that shows up, shoulders a bit too broad...So no, you're probably not going to pass. But you probably do look very feminine at a glance, and even beautiful. People give you the respect they give most women, because you present enough clues to trigger that response. It's something I believe we all have, and it works most of the time.

In a public place, people tend to not want to attract attention to themselves. Plus, society frowns on open displays of hostility or aggression. We may thing negatively about someone due to a prejudice-and we all have them-but we don't act on them. Have I had people openly stare at me? Yes. Have I heard comments and remarks made behind my back? Yes. I have walked down a street and had young men yell "It's a dude!" at me. Of course, that was in the French Quarter on a weekend night when the tourists are the most chemically lubricated...The number of times I have been confronted in person by someone I can count on one hand-and those were more the "stupid remark, let's watch the tranny piss herself" type. When I failed to run off in fear or embarrassment they would walk off wondering what went wrong. What went wrong was that I didn't care what they said. Not giving them the power to fuck up my life? That's what mattered.

And I'll pick this up later.

* I am being MTF-centric here because I am more familiar with that situation.

Another test

2011-06-26T13:17:00.000-05:00

Again, just ignore this

This is a test

2011-06-24T05:55:00.001-05:00

Trying to get my Facebook to pick up posts from my blog, just ignore this, okay?

Requiem for a friend, and an announcement.

2011-06-16T22:31:00.000-05:00

When I took my first steps into discovering who I was, I looked for a local TG support group. Through AOL's Transgender Community Forum (in '97, this was the best resource I had) I discovered Gulf Gender Alliance in New Orleans. Sending their contact a message, she told me I'd need to be screened before I went to a meeting, and she knew someone in Lafayette who she could send me to. And so, one afternoon, I went to a warehouse off Ambassador Caffery to meet the woman who would be the first person I had ever come out to face to face.

Ann ran a business selling shoes to women with large feet, and was approached by crossdressers and transsexuals looking for shoes that would fit. She became part of the community. When I met her, she talked to me with kindness and caring, and I felt comfortable. She introduced me to Crystal Little and Cissy Conley, who would become so important to my growth over the years. I met other CD's through her. And I spent hours talking to her, becoming friends. When I needed a place to store my things, she offered to let me use her warehouse.

Later, when I moved to New Orleans, I went to my first Southern Comfort in Atlanta. And the second person I saw when I walked into the hotel was Ann. From then on, we'd see each other every year at Southern Comfort, catching up. We remained friends, and I looked forward to seeing her each year.

I had known she had been ill last year, but did not know the extent. On June 5, Ann passed away. I found out yesterday, and I am still numb.

If not for Ann, I don't know how my life would have changed. She was a friend when I needed one, gave me advice when it was useful, told me the truth when I needed that, and I can never thank her enough for what she did. I will truly miss her.

~~~~~~~~~~

I will not be at Southern Comfort this year. The short reason is that I can't afford it right now. Also, I just don't feel the same need to go that I have in the past. The last couple of years I've felt like this, but I managed to turn it around. Maybe a year away will give me the desire again?

I will miss my friends, and having a week being Zelda full-time. Please raise a glass for me, and have a ball.

Going to The Church

2011-06-06T14:53:00.000-05:00

The Sunday of Memorial Day weekend I finally got out to The Church-first time since November. Because The Church is only on Thursday and Sunday nights, it's hard to find people to go out with me. But since it was a Monday holiday...

It took me longer than normal to get ready-I just couldn't find the right outfit. I got dressed, and within ten minutes I hated what I was wearing. So I had to get dressed all over again, and barely made it out of the house in time. I decided on something Gothy but basic-sheer black t-shirt that I got off eBay years ago, black cami underneath, my red and black leopard print corset from Timeless Trends, the black lace covered mini from Torrid, fishnets (of course!) and my black patent lace-up knee boots from Electrique Boutique.

Got to The Church and started finding people I knew. We'd posted a note to the Dallas Feminine Expressions Meetup group, but knowing that this is not everyone's cup of tea, I didn't expect many to show up. We had about eight people, which was better than I'd expected, and everyone loved the place. Plus, I got to meet some fun people, got compliments on my outfit, gave compliments, danced my ass off, and had a great time. A lot better than I've had in years.

Part of that was being in a place that I like. I "grew up" in the goth scene, and I still fondly remember going to The Blue Crystal/Whirling Dervish in New Orleans, and other places in Atlanta and Chicago. Dancing to music that feels right to me? Fabulous!

But also I've been seeing a doctor about some issues. I've been diagnosed with thyroid problems, and being treated for it. I've also started antidepressants, because I can't live the way I have been for so long. Hopefully both will get me back to a place where I'll feel better. Not totally, but more than I have been.

This coming weekend is A-Kon, a huge anime/manga/cosplay/etc. convention here in Dallas. I've volunteered/been volunteered to judge a maid's contest again. Unlike All-Con I'm not going to try to cram everything into one day; I'll hit the vendor's up on Friday, do the judging and walkabout Saturday. Now to find some things to wear...

Call to arms-DSM-5 revisions and their negative impact on the TG/TS community

2011-06-06T14:38:00.000-05:00

This is from the Pink Essence group, but it's something we should all be concerned with.
By Kelley Winters, PhD
May 28, 2011

On May 5, the American Psychiatric Association released a second round of proposed diagnostic criteria for the 5th Edition of The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5). These include two categories that impact the trans community: Gender Dysphoria (formerly Gender Identity Disorder) and Transvestic Disorder (formerly Transvestic Fetishism).

While GID has received a great deal of attention in the press and from GLBTQ advocates, the second transvestic category is too often overlooked. This is unfortunate, because a diagnosis of Transvestic Disorder is designed to punish social and sexual gender nonconformity and to enforce binary stereotypes of assigned birth sex. It plays no role in enabling access to medical transition care for those who need it, and it is frequently cited when care is denied. http://www.gidreform.org/blog2010Oct15.html

I urge all trans community members, friends, care providers, and allies to call for the removal of this punitive and scientifically unfounded diagnosis from the DSM-5.
The current period for public comment to the APA ends June 15.

The entry in the current DSM on Transvestic Disorder, like the former entry on Transvestic Fetishism, is authored by Dr. Ray Blanchard of the Toronto Centre for Addiction and Mental Health (formerly known as the Clarke Institute). Blanchard has drawn outrage from the transcommunity for his defamatory theory of autogynephilia,
http://www.gidreform.org/blog2008Nov10.html
asserting that all transsexual women who are not exclusively attracted to males are motivated to transition by self-obsessed sexual fetishism.

He is canonizing this harmful stereotype of transsexual women in the DSM-5 by adding an autogynephilia specifier to the Transvestic Disorder diagnosis.
http://www.dsm5.org/ProposedRevision/Pages/proposedrevision.aspx?ri...

Worse yet, Blanchard has broadly expanded the diagnosis to implicate gender-nonconforming people of all sexes and all sexual orientations,
even inventing an autoandrophilia specifier to smear transsexual men.
Most recently, he has added an "In Remission" specifier to preclude the possibility of exit from diagnosis.
Like a roach motel, there may be no way out of the Transvestic Disorder diagnosis once ensnared.

What You Can Do Now

1. Go to the http://www.dsm5.org/ProposedRevision/Pages/proposedrevision.aspx?ri...
APA DSM-5 website, click on "Register Now," create a user account, and enter your statement in the box.
The deadline for this second period of public comment is June 15.

[NOTE: Safari may not load that web page. Use Firefox or another Browser instead]

2. Sign the Petition to Remove Transvestic Disorder from the DSM-5,
sponsored by the International Foundation for Gender Education.
http://dsm.ifge.org/petition/

3. Demand that your local, national, and international GLBTQ nonprofit organizations
issue public statements calling for the removal of this defamatory Transvestic Disorder category from the DSM-5.
So far, very few have.

4. Spread the word to your networks, friends, and allies.

http://www.gidreform.org/blog2010Oct15.html for More Information

Cross-posted with additional comments at the
http://gidreform.wordpress.com/2011/05/26/transvestic-disorder-the-...
GID Reform Advocates Blog.

Why is there so much hate within the Transgender and Transsexual Community. � My Transgender Journey

2011-05-23T07:55:00.000-05:00

Why is there so much hate within the Transgender and Transsexual Community. � My Transgender Journey

The Con Game

2011-03-25T18:27:00.000-05:00

Went to All-Con last weekend, which is an anime/sci-fi/fantasy/etc. convention in Addison. An anime con is sort of like going to SCC-lots of people with a common interest that the general public don't really understand, dressing in outfits that range from beautiful to "What were you thinking?" with seminars and events. Though that's probably not a great analogy...

I went for the Saturday session; I was invited to be a judge an Anime Maid Competition. No, I didn't know what that entailed, either. Going to a con, you dress for comfort or you cosplay your heart out. I went for comfort-black pullover 3/4 sleeve top, black knee-length skirt with tulle trim, black knee-high combat-style boots (which I haven't worn in ages, dammit!) over black and white striped socks. Oh, and a red leopard-print corset from Timeless Trends. Yes, at this place it's casual and I just got it and wanted to wear it out, okay?

The contest was actually a lot of fun to watch and judge. There were two contests, actually. The first part was a look/portrayal contest, where you were supposed to look and act like an anime character. The second part involved hiding a table setting around the room and having to find it and put things back in place. That part was hilarious!

Afterward, I and a couple of friends went out to lunch and catch up. I then got to see a friend's apartment that she's using for her dressing/makeover business. I have to say it's a great place, and I wish her the best. Back to the hotel to hit the vendor's room; got a t-shirt and that's all this time. I didn't stay too late, wanted to get home and get dinner for everyone.

This was the first time I'd been out in the daylight since SCC. And I miss getting out and going to the shops or lunch or just doing stuff. I think I need to start getting back into practice. Also, my birthday was Monday; lots of good wishes and greetings, which were nice.

Filling in the gaps

2011-03-08T22:11:00.000-06:00

It's been a while since I caught up, but I can't say it's been exciting. I have been out a few times, but it's been dinner at The Bronx and go to S4 afterward. Sometimes there's lots of girls, other times just a few. I wouldn't go to S4 it I wasn't meeting people, though. Although, I have met some new people there, even given them the address to the Dallas Feminine Expressions Meetup webpage. It's probably the best way to find out who is going out and what events are happening. With Metroplex CD Group now dead, and GEAR* no longer doing monthly regularly-scheduled meetings, I don't know how someone who was new to the area would find people. There is a Tri-Ess group in Ft. Worth, but since I'm not a hetrosexual crossdresser I'm not really their kind of girl...

Coming up? There's an anime convention in a couple of weeks that I've been invited to go to; will say more about this later. I do want to get back out to the goth clubs again. There's Panopticon on Fridays, and The Church on Thursdays and Sundays. I've got a few people interested in doing a Sunday night on a Monday holiday weekend; I'm not so picky.

*The Resource Center Dallas has not updated the GEAR page recently; it still lists the mixer.

Catching up

2011-01-11T22:06:00.000-06:00

I went out twice in December, and both started as trans group related things. Early in the month I met a few people at Borders on McKinney for coffee before dinner; six of us showed up on a cold night. I wore a black Z. Cavaricci jacket over a pink tank top, Torrid black lace covered skirt, pink tights under crochet-finished tights and boots. We walked over to Hook, Line and Sinker for dinner. It's a very casual fish shack-fried and grilled fish, shrimp, etc. I had the fried shrimp (fresh and tasty), hush puppies (not so great) and fries (good). Talking to people over dinner, being social, is always a good thing.

Afterward, went to Station 4 to meet up with people. S4 is kind of the gathering place for tgirls in town. It's a gay bar that's transgender friendly with a big dance floor, chill out room upstairs and drag shows in the Rose Room. I did run into some people I have not seen in a while, and that's always good. One funny thing was I went to the ladies room and ended up talking to women for at least twenty minutes about outfits and makeup and shoes. Just like normal girls do :)

The other outing was for the GEAR Christmas Party. Grey turtleneck sweater from Ashley Stewart, black skirt from Torrid, patterned tights over colored ones (I like the way it looks, and get lots of compliments), and boots. The party was nice, caught up with a couple of people I have not seen in a while. Then out to S4 which was actually a bit boring-just couldn't get into things that night I suppose.

Packed things away for my mom's visit over the holidays. She doesn't know about Zelda, and at her age I don't see a reason why she needs to. Things went very well; everyone was happy, people were in a great mood and got some nice presents. I have to drive mom back and forth, which is not fun but she hates flying and I don't want her driving herself.

Moved the girl stuff back last week, missed going out last Friday but went Saturday to S4. Went a bit gothy/wild with a black corset from Marvelous Mayhem, over a sheer top with a short petticoat I got off eBay years ago. Pink fishnet tights, black patent boots from Electrique Boutique, and the Z. Cavaricci jacket. A fun outfit, but didn't get many comments which I thought was surprising. Guess I need to try harder :P

This has been a very cold week so far-at least there is no snow. I don't mind the cold but not when it snows!

Briefly

2010-12-16T00:01:00.001-06:00

Need to post about going out weekend before last, the holidays, etc. I'm doing well, just tired a lot...

What's been going on

2010-11-21T00:36:00.000-06:00

Not as much as I'd hoped, I'm afraid. Busy with life, but not really getting out lately. I went to the GEAR mixer a couple of weeks ago; it's their monthly meeting and I had not been there in a while. It's at The Bronx in the gayborhood, which is always a nice place to go to. Unfortunately the turnout was a bit light-about ten people, and there really wasn't a meeting as such. I did get to chat with some people I didn't know, and afterward was introduced to Red Mango yogurt. It's like Pinkberry but I think it tastes better. A very short evening...

The Dallas Fetish Ball at The Church was a week ago. And as always, it's a mixed bag. I did find out that if you show up early-like when the doors open-you have a few hours before the place gets so crowded you can't see anything or move around. Between 10:30 PM-12:30 AM it's so packed you just kind of flow with the traffic inside. You'll be able to talk to people, see the outfits and enjoy things. I hate the fact that the "dress code" is very loosely interpreted. They don't bother to enforce it, so the crowd ends up with a mix of people who actually make an effort and the jeans/trainers/polo shirt crowd who look out of place. And to me it affects the whole mood.

I did meet some new people, which was great. But a friend had a bad experience at a nearby hotel. She'd parked in the garage and came back late Friday night-and was harassed by some homophobes. Fortunately she wasn't alone, but it was her first experience with being in real physical danger. I can totally understand how she felt, but I also think that you have to remember that when you are dressed en femme you need to think like a woman and take the same kinds of precautions.

Some people don't get it

2010-11-20T12:53:00.000-06:00

I need to post about what's happened recently but I'll do that later. Right now, I want to talk about an entry in the Houston Post about the closing of a local lesbian bar. This isn't news-bars open and close all the time (more close than open in this economy, though). But one of the comments got me thinking:

So one gay bar closes, and gays and lesbians can go... anywhere in town they please, because they've become accepted into mainstream culture, as they should. A lot of places like Marys, and now Chances, are more relics of times when gays and lesbians had to flock to gay bars because they didn't feel comfortable outing themselves in public.

One would think that letting Montrose evolve from a segregated district that was formed to escape gay intolerence into a place that everyone can enjoy and be a part of would be a unanimously positive thing, but people have to bitch.

No, people bitch because we're losing part of our culture. It was a gay bar in New York City where the whole "gay liberation" movement got started. Gay and lesbian bars of all sorts were where you could meet and be accepted. If you think that mainstream bars are ready for us, read a little farther...

Which got this reply:

Um...that's pretty inaccurate, Anonymous, and rather ignorant. if you're a mainstream wealthy gay or lesbian, maybe that's true. But think outside your own experience.

Chances is an important place for lots of queer folks, mainstream and non-mainstream alike. The fact that they're replacing it with an expensive restaurant is just one more example of how non-mainstream gays and lesbians are constantly marginalized in society (so is your comment by the way!).

The reference to wealthy gays and lesbians sounds classist, but it's not. There really is a schism in the LGbt "community" and it's one of wealth, appearance (how "straight" you look and act) and privilege. If you're on the right side, you're all for mainstreaming because it goes with your lifestyle. If you're not so straight looking, if you're a drag queen or leatherfolk or a bit nelly or butch you're supposed to just stay at home because you're a risk to the privileged getting their "rights." Just let that bus roll over you, okay?

And this:

Ok seriously, you actually think queerfolk are actually accepted in mainstream society? We are accepted as novelties on tv and in the movies, but not as valued human beings in the "real world." As a shining example of this point(and the fact that Montrose is dying as a bastion and sanctuary for the queer community) I was out at a supposedly "everyone" bar(i.e. Not exclusively gay bar)with my boyfriend the other night to celebrate my birthday. He kissed me at midnight in celebration and the table next to us began making comments about how they " did not need to see that" and quite specifically "thats fine in the privacy of their own home, but in public? Eww" So Gide you tell me if we are accepted in mainstream culture? Keep in mind this was in MONTROSE! So yes we do need our own safe spaces! And yes we will express displeasure as we lose them! From what I've seen(and this isn't the only example of growing homophobia in what was once our Gayborhood) when you start gentrifying an area you displace the people and culture which were already there. And generally speaking, the people that come along with that gentrification tend not to be so open minded.

Ironically, if it'd been two lesbians kissing the next table would have probably been all "Oooh, that's hot!" because it's okay for two women to kiss and reinforce your little fantasies (even if they'd never let you near them in bed ever). Two guys kissing? DISGUSTING!

Yeah, we're so mainstream aren't we? Right...

Since I have lived here, Dallas has lost two LGbt bars. It also lost the only LGbt bookstore in town, which was a cornerstone of the Cedar Springs "gayborhood." A gay-owned leather shop closed because the rent was raised so high it was unaffordable (and that space is still empty, two years later). We're losing our community, one space at a time...

Little Zelda's trip to Southern Comfort, part seven

2010-10-20T22:30:00.000-05:00

Addenda, thoughts, and What It All Means:

The package I left with the hotel to be shipped off on the Monday after SCC? I call Tuesday after checking the UPS web tracking and find out that no, it's still there because nobody gave it to the driver. They manage to get it on a truck Wednesday, and it was back in town by the weekend.

The nail salon in Atlanta that I love and forgot to name? Classic Nail, 4772 Ashford Dunwoody Rd.; the phone number is (770) 392-9135. Really, they did an excellent job and my nails still looked great the entire trip.

I have mixed feelings about the hotel this year. Because I used my Priority Club points to pay for part of my stay, I got upgraded to the Club Floor for free. I don't think I would have paid extra for the privilege, but it was nice. The room was great-the AC worked perfectly, very comfortable and clean. The water pressure in the shower was sometimes an issue, as was the temperature, but you could never find a pattern to the issue.

And the toilet kept flushing itself. I had to talk to the desk twice about fixing it, and the maintenance person who came up to fix it thought I'd called about a blocked toilet. Nice, people. I should not complain about the parking, since it is free if you do it yourself. But the garage is too small-I was almost unable to find a spot in it, and the valets were not very helpful.

Do I like the hotel? I've gotten used to it, but I miss the old place. It was closer to the center of town, and most of the places I wanted to go to were nearby. But it's no longer an option; now a W Hotel, there are not enough rooms for SCC.

I saved this to come back and finish it, and of course I published the frelling thing instead. So here's the rest of my post...

I've said before that I was thinking that this was going to be my last SCC. This year, I haven't felt the kind of anticipation or excitement that I usually do before the event. The SCCLounge was more of a chore than ever, and a few things happened that did not help my mood. People have been telling me they aren't going anymore. They don't feel like it's worth going to; they've gotten everything out of it they can; it's focused on things they aren't interested in; they're fed up with the "community."

And probably the first two days at SCC, I was still feeling that way. And then I started talking to people, and getting back into a "groove" at the event. It made me feel like there was something more there. Are there problems with SCC? Yes, but they can be fixed. The health fair was a good start; making AIDS/STD awareness an integral part of the programming should be continued. The "Princess Day" was a great idea, and needs to continue. There needs to be more discussion about the direction the convention is going to take. And more openness, less leaving people in the dark and wondering what's going on...

I've seen too often that people feel like they are being marginalized and not part of the "community" for a lot of reasons. There has always been the transsexuals who are on the One True Path to their "wholeness" who regard anyone who is not TS as fake. There are crossdressers who don't give a damn about the issues of transsesuals, and transsexuals who think crossdressers can't understand them. Transmen are often ignored because there's this concept that they have it easier than MTF's. And that's only part of it.

I don't have any answers. I screwed up enough this year. I was supposed to meet up with people and didn't because I got caught up in my own thing, and I feel bad about that. I don't want to be a flake, but I was one this year. I've tried to apologize to those concerned and hope that they're gracious enough to forgive me.

I did have a good time. There were some great moments-Wednesday at the mall, shopping and being a model. Dinner with a friend Thursday night and finding out that she's more fabulous than I thought. Getting a makeover Friday and looking fabulous and feeling blissed. Finding that I still had that goth girl inside and she's still fierce, and getting to see someone who I really wish I could keep more in touch with. And going to the Barber Museum and seeing motorcycles and cars I only knew from photos.

So yeah, I'll be back.

Little Zelda's trip to Southern Comfort, part six

2010-10-12T17:23:00.000-05:00

Continuing the adventures, almost done...

Sunday:

Southern Comfort ends for me when I take the polish off of my nails. Getting a manicure and pedicure is one of the first things I do when I get to Atlanta. I can look down at my hands and see pretty nails and it reminds me that I'm Here, not There...

Taking a shower, doing just a minimal shave (I haven't done any kind of hair killing so I shave. A lot. And after a week...). Putting on drab for the first time in days always feels odd for a few minutes. No bra, just a wife beater under my shirt. No panties, briefs. Jeans that don't fit as closely, boy socks, Chucks...I'm now in my other drag-the one that lets me pass all the time. A part of me sighs...

Packing up took far less time than usual. Partly because a good part of my stuff was going back in a box, and that was just repacking it (and tossing a few things in to make sure my luggage weight was down). I know how backed up the bellmen will be-everyone wants to check out at the same time, and we bring a lot of stuff with us. I take my suitcase and hanging bag down to the car, since that's easy. When I am going back to the room I see a bellman on his way up and ask how long it'll take to get someone to pick up a box from my room; he says he'll be right there.

A half hour later, I give up and carry a forty-five pound box to the elevators and then to the bell stand, sign a form so it will be picked up on Monday (I've already put a prepaid shipping label on the box, and the hotel has a regular pickup) and drop it off. Turn in my room keys, see a few people I know in the lobby and say goodbye.

One of the more interesting things to do on the Sunday after SCC is to play "Spot the T-Girl;" see if you can recognize someone when they aren't looking their best, that is. I usually do pretty well with the game. Today, there's not a lot of people checking out yet so I leave without getting to play.

Since my flight was out of Birmingham later that afternoon, and I had plenty of time, I went to the Barber Vintage Motorsports Museum. It's located on the grounds of Barber Motorsports Park, just outside Birmingham in Leeds. I've always wanted to visit the collection. I like vintage motorcycles, and old racing cars, and the Barber has both in numbers. I'm an admitted gearhead, which surprises people for some reason.

The museum is big, but you can hit the highlights in two hours (which is what I had) with enough left to want to come back to spend a far more leisurely afternoon. There were two motorcycles I really wanted to see. First was the Britten. The first time I saw a picture of one, I couldn't imagine anyone ever building a more perfect motorcycle. It was the vision of one man, New Zealander John Britten, who wanted to create a V-twin racing motorcycle that was more advanced than anything built to that point. And he did it. Seeing it in person, all the incredible details, how it had just enough, no more...You know how you dream of something and fear that in person it'll be so much less? This was better.

The other motorcycle was more classic: the Vincent Black Lightning. Besides being the subject of one of my favorite songs, Vincent built the first superbikes. If you love sport bikes, you have to love Vincent. Seeing one, in all black and chrome and perfect, was worth the trip. Seeing a whole range of them was fantastic.

The Barber has a wide range of bikes-everything from the earliest to some of the newest, from utilitarian to art works. And cars-a tribute to John Surtees, the only man to ever win world championships on two and four wheels. It also has the largest collection of Lotus racing cars anywhere. By the time I left, I'd taken a ton of photos and memories to get me through my post-SCC downfall, I'd hoped.

I know, geeky car stuff in the middle of my SCC post, get over it...

Birmingham Airport has become a favorite-it's small enough to have everything close by. Dropping the car off and then walking across the road to the check-in counter-and no lines. I was there early enough to get something to eat (overpriced of course), and I'd already pre-checked in so it was wait for the plane and go home. We landed on time, baggage was off the plane quickly and I got to my car and back to the house sooner than I'd expected.

Oh, and I had managed to leave my iPod in the car. Nissan Versas have a little compartment over the vents that is perfect for putting your iPod in when it's connected to the stereo. And to be ignored when you're cleaning the car out. I call Hertz, leave a message, and totally expect not to see the thing again. Which is disappointing because it had been a Christmas present from the family. It's not new (4th generation), but it works fine for my needs and it's how I listen to music when I'm not at home. I haven't gotten used to using my Droid for that yet. I do hear from someone Monday, give them my info, and pretty much expect that's that.

Until Wednesday, when I get a call. They have my iPod, and need my credit card number to send it back. I eagerly give it, along with my mailing address. It's there in a couple of days, and I'll forgive them for the crappy packing (a sheet of bubble wrap that it slipped out of but the case protected it). So, Hertz in Birmingham Airport are good people.

Whew. I was going to sum things up in this post, but I think I'll do one more.

Little Zelda's trip to Southern Comfort, part five

2010-10-09T23:47:00.000-05:00

The story continues...

Saturday:

The "big day" at Southern Comfort. Saturday is things like the pool party, the big cocktail party, the formal dinner, keynote and entertainment. It's the last day, and everyone makes the most of it...

I got up at a reasonable (for me) hour, skipped the seminars. Instead, socialized and went back to Perimeter Mall to pick up some make up. Remember the faux Bebe watch I saw Wednesday? It was still there and the owner of the stall was ready to haggle. I paid him about what I expected to-less than his tag price-and we were both happy. Tried to find some boots at Nordstrom but their size choices were limited. I guess all their big shoes end up in Dallas...

I went to a mall on a Saturday alone. And had no problems. I know people who would never, ever imagine going to anyplace beyond their own comfort zone-their home, their support group, etc. Maybe that's okay for them, but I need to do more. I've stopped finding bars that much fun anymore. But going out to dinner? Shopping? Yes.

Oh, and I broke another pair of sunglasses. Yes, cheap ones, don't cry over them but at this rate I ought to just buy one nice pair and keep track of them...

I'd decided when I was packing for the trip that I was going to wear a nice little black dress for Saturday night. I didn't have a ball gown, my sequined dress has a rip in it, and I didn't want to buy something new. Simple, right?

And then I go to the vendor's room and talk to the owner of Timeless Trends because I wanted a new corset. Out of curiosity I tried on an overbust style corset. I don't usually get overbust styles because, well, I don't have a lot up there without some additions. But then I tried on one that had a smaller cup size and I got an idea...

So, throw out the planned outfit for dinner. And decide that my little inner goth is going to come out. Because, well, I'd been such a good girl all week. Kinda.

Now, if you're wondering how a somewhat flat-chested person fills out the top of a corset? Tape, makeup, padding, and that corset certainly help. A fishnet bodystocking conceals enough but still gives you the illusion of showing off. A lace layered skirt from Torrid, black patent boots from Electrique Boutique. Finish the look with a black and red streaked wig, dark eyes and red lips (MAC Russian Red, thank you). Take a step back, and yeah, this works.

The look worked-lots of compliments. Not formal, kinda wild, but you know, I liked it.

Dinner was not bad, the end-of-the-conference thank yous were brief, and we had a break until the night's entertainment arrived so we all took a break in the bar, got drinks, and chatted. Oh, and I stole a rose from the centerpiece and hid it someplace nobody would ever notice:

Don't tell, okay?

The entertainment was ventriloquist Mark Merchant, who had flown in from Italy (he was doing shows on a cruise liner). I'm not a huge fan of the art, but he was funny and his first couple of puppets were fun. And then he brings out his last one, an older lady.

Named Zelda Rose. Really.

Okay, I knew about this because people had been wanting to tell me about this so I wouldn't be upset. And of course, other people did NOT want me to know so I'd be surprised. Neither group was pleased because I really did take it in stride. Actually, Mark was far more surprised when I introduced myself after the show!

And FYI, "Zelda Rose" is less unique than I thought. She's a Muppet. She's also a twenty-three year old model. And a training manager in South Africa. There are twenty-seven Zelda Rose's on Facebook. Among others. But as far as I have been able to learn I am the only TG Zelda Rose, and that pleases me.

Afterward, I drove over to The Jungle for the Skin Two Ball. I was only going because I needed to get out of the hotel for a while, and I was dressed appropriately. These aren't usually my kind of things to go to; unless you are going with a group you know it's not much fun. You get to see lots of fetishwear and pretty people but you can't socialize much. I did show up, waited in a very long line to get in, found a friend who was there and who told me that someone I'd been hoping to see was there-and that I needed to know exactly what they were wearing...

So I walked around until I found a pair of latex aliens (catsuits, hoods with breathing apparatus) and told the shorter one "I know you." She shrieked my name and gave me a hug; we hadn't seen each other in years but it was like yesterday. She took her hood off and still looks fabulous (even sweaty!). She's a prodomme, and no I won't tell you who she is.

There was one downside-she'd had a bit to drink and frankly it was hard keeping her focused. But she's a nice drunk, and her friends were going to make sure she got home. We did reexchange contact info so hopefully we'll keep in better touch! After that, I lost interest after being blown off by someone who was more interested in their own attention, made my goodbyes and left. Spent a little while talking to people but ended my night earlier than I'd thought...

Next, Sunday, travel, and what did we learn. Really.

Interlude

2010-10-03T23:08:00.000-05:00

I didn't go to GEAR; simply not into going this time. We celebrated the twenty-first birthday of my stepson, in a uniquely family way. We don't do huge, elaborate things; dinner at a favorite place with friends of the family. This is an on-call week for my spouse, which means lots of things go out the window. We do not make plans for call weeks...

One interesting thing from the birthday dinner. I was sitting next to a friend who had never seen me en femme until last Saturday at Beyond Vanilla.* He did not at first realize that was me! He did however compliment me; thought I looked lovely that night. I thanked him; always nice to get a compliment. I forget that not everyone has seen me that way.

* No, I did not go to the birthday dinner en femme.

Little Zelda's trip to Southern Comfort, part four

2010-09-29T17:58:00.000-05:00

Continuing our adventures in the big city...

Friday:

Friday is either the "middle day" or the "first day" of SCC for many. Some of us like to arrive earlier in the week, to have time to spend in the city, to take in some of the pre-convention events, and to be able to catch up with people and do things before the convention's busiest days. Thursday is the official first day, when seminars and the luncheons begin. Friday has seminars, lunch and the first dinner, which is less "formal" than the one on Saturday.

You can tell who is coming to SCC for the educational tracks and who is coming to party-how early did they arrive? The later the arrival, the more likely they'll skip official things (either by choice or because they didn't bother to register). It's one of those open secrets.

One good thing that happened this year was the inclusion of a Trans Health Fair. Though SCC has had the Robert Eads Health Partnership for years, which is named after an FTM transsexual who was the subject of the film "Southern Comfort." Robert died because he had ovarian cancer and could not get medical treatment until it was too late due to what he was. In his honor, FTM's have an opportunity to visit with doctors to be examined and treated for gynecological issues. This has been a vital, important part of SCC.

And this year, a health fair was conducted Friday at the hotel for all transpeople. This included HIV/STD testing, free flu shots, education and advice, etc. Also, during the week there was a table set up to learn about HIV/STD issues and to provide condoms and dental dams for those who wished them. Now you may not see this as a big thing but to me, it was huge. It was really the first time that the community seemed to acknowledge sexuality as a real part of who and what we are-and how much we're all at risk.

I joke that "What happens at SCC, stays at SCC." But it's not really a joke-there are some things that keep going beyond the convention. It'd be naive to think that when you put a group of people over the age of consent, some of whom are sexually active and who may not exhibit very good self-control...What you do as an adult is your thing; how responsible you are matters to all of us. With HIV/STD infection rates on the rise in general, while survival rates have gone up the meds that are required to live have their own issues. I know too many people who are HIV+ who would give anything to be healthy again.

So, an acknowledgement of this issue to me was a very good thing. And I'm hoping it'll remain a part of the convention from now on, and perhaps include a seminar on the subject as part of the regular schedule. I lack the medical background to do this, but I hope someone else will...

Lunch was forgettable, and I only made on seminar the whole day. And I lost my new sunglasses-which is why I buy cheap ones. But I did manage to do one thing kind of important...

I've never had a makeover at SCC. I've had other people do my makeup before, and it's always interesting to see what someone who knows what they are doing can do with me. And I had a little extra cash left...I walked over to the God Save The Queen booth and asked if they might just have an opening that day. I figured it was probably a lost cause, but no-they did have an opening at the end of the day, about 5PM. I just needed to show up, shaved and without any makeup on. I took the spot, ran upstairs to get shaved and put on my outfit. What I was going to wear was a black Z. Cavaricci dress that I'd gotten from Torrid. It's got an asymmetrical zipper on the front, much like a motorcycle jacket. Dressing it up I wore rhinestones (necklace, earrings, and bracelet) with fishnet stockings and my Le Dame Marliyn heels from Shoe Express.

Managed to get downstairs for my appointment, which if you know me is an accomplishment. Nicole Page Brooks asked me a few questions then began to work. She gave me a look that was as she called "Lady doing dinner at the Marriott." I didn't point out that we were at the Crowne Plaza; never criticize your make up artist at work. What I got was a polished nighttime look, dressy but not overdone. And I loved how she made me look-far better than I could have hoped for. And well worth the money...

Dinner was great, and I got a lot of compliments on how I looked. When we adjourned to the lounge for drinks afterward and a few photos:

We were just talking and I was happy that one of my favorite people had managed to arrive. It would not have been the same without her! I thought that was a great shot of me, then someone took this:

What do you see? Someone who's content, happy, comfortable? Who is having a great time? I do. I like the person I see here, and I missed her a lot. She hasn't been around much. There's been so much to keep her away-life, issues, pain, depression...Who wants to be around with all that going on?

Maybe its when I see this, I realize how much I've missed that. I tell people, if you're going to go through all of this and you aren't having fun, why bother? I forgot my own advice.

A fabulous evening, one that I'll remember for a very long time...

Interlude

2010-09-26T19:07:00.000-05:00

Another brief interlude between SCC recollections. I had a busy weekend with Beyond Vanilla, an event held by NLA-Dallas. Well, not as busy as I'd thought it would be; did not do much Friday, the rain curtailed plans Saturday though in the end it went well, and I skipped Sunday totally...

A few big things coming up this week. GEAR has their monthly mixer at The Bronx this Thursday, 6-9:00 PM. I've been a few times before; it's a reasonably together group though it's more focused on TS issues than CD/TG to me. Then Friday is a special birthday, celebrated well.

Little Zelda's trip to Southern Comfort, part three

2010-09-22T20:25:00.000-05:00

Continuing our story...

Thursday:

Thursday is the official first day of the Southern Comfort Conference. The vendor's room opens, seminars begin, there's a luncheon, etc. I know a few of the vendors, who have been to SCC for years. Shoe Express has been to every SCC, but that's not what's significant to me. It's based in my old hometown, and the owner, Ann, was the first person I'd ever talked to about being TG face-to-face. My first attempts to learn about transgender happened on AOL's Transgender Community Forums. Remember when getting on the Internet meant using modems and AOL charged by the minute? Yes, that's how long I've been at it...

I did some research and found a TG support group in New Orleans, the Gulf Gender Alliance.* The contact listed was actually in Houston, but she knew someone locally who could talk to me about the group and refer me to a meeting. That person was Ann, a cisgendered woman who was the first person I was ever able to open up to in person. She was, and still is, one of the nicest people I know. For my first few years, she gave me advice, a place to store stuff, opportunities to unload and we became friends. At my first SCC, she was the second person I saw when I walked into the hotel. That's why when I see her, I feel like I'm back...

After saying hi to people like Ann, John with Glamour Boutique (the best place to get things like breast forms and such at truly reasonable prices), Timeless Trends (the best inexpensive off-the-rack corsets I have worn), Marvelous Mayhem and God Save The Queen Fashions (who had Nicole Paige Brooks, a former RuPaul's Drag Race contestant doing makeovers). After lunch-which was actually one of the better meals I've had at the hotel-I actually made a couple of seminars. Yes, that was the earth moving that day...

Thursday evening is usually a group trip to a local restaurant. I decided to bow out, and went out to dinner with someone I've known for years but we've never done something like this. And she'd never been to P.F. Chang's before, so that's where we went. A brief wait for a table, then I introduced her to the joys of lettuce wraps. It's chicken and spices and stuff that you put inside a lettuce leaf and, well, wrap. It's also highly addictive. The waiter didn't bring us enough lettuce, but the manager saw us talking and brought extras! Oh, yes! Dinner was great, the conversation was wonderful. Jessica's someone I like a lot, and I'm glad we had an opportunity to get to know each other better.

Before this year's SCC, I was thinking this might be my last. After eleven years, what's left? I think I found out what-being around people I know and like, meeting new people, and being part of something larger than myself. I have friends who have decided that SCC's not for them anymore, that the whole "transgender community" has little left to offer. And I can understand that feeling-when you reach a point, you start asking "Is this all there is?" Maybe I haven't reached that point. Maybe I never will. Or, maybe I have found a balance someplace?

After dinner, I dropped in on someone's room party that I'd been invited to, but it was so crowded that I just had to leave. Spent the rest of the evening in the lounge being social and making a relatively early evening of it...

Oh, and a photo from the day; self-photography isn't my strong suit, I know...

* GGA folded at the beginning of 2010. Katrina decimated the membership, and with no new people coming in the remaining members closed it down. GGA got me out of the house, into the world, and the support I needed to become who I am. And I'll never be able to thank them enough.

Little Zelda's trip to Southern Comfort, part two

2010-09-20T16:36:00.000-05:00

Continuing our story...

Wednesday:

A new thing at SCC this year was a "Girl's Morning Out," aka Princess Day. It was intended for both newcomers, people who've never been out shopping before, or those of us you just love shopping. Since I fall into the latter, I got up early and went to the event at Sephora across the road at Perimeter Mall. Sephora is a chain of makeup stores that carries a wide variety of beauty, skincare and hair products. Perimeter Mall is one of the nice things about having the convention at the Crowne Plaza Ravinia-it's within walking distance, has a good selection of shops and places to eat. While I miss the old hotel (I'll get into that later), and the mini-mall it had, this is not a bad place...

I was asked if I minded being a demo model for one of the makeovers-one of the models didn't show. So I of course did my part for the group and got a day to evening look makeover. I actually liked the look, and got some ideas for later.

I found my friend Sandra at the MAC store, where she was picking up a few things. While waiting, I snapped the above shot so I would remember the look. And hey, I did look great! We looked around a bit, and I picked up a new pair of cheap sunglasses. I rarely buy expensive ones-I either break them or lose them, and why buy something I'll be upset over? I also stopped by a kiosk that had costume jewelery and looked at a knock-off bebe watch that he was asking $35 for. I didn't like it that much, and he knocked a bit off of it but I walked away, knowing that he was going to bargain and I am a veteran of the French Market where everything's negotiable...

Got the car and drove over to the Nordstrom Rack to shop for a pair of sandals; I hadn't found any I really liked at the ones in Dallas. Bit of a wasted trip-not much in my size, and nothing I really felt I had to have. Drove over to my favorite LGBT bookstore, Outwrite Books on Piedmont. Really, I like the place, even if I didn't find anything I really wanted this time. Headed back to the hotel to beat Atlanta's horrendous rush hour, thinking I'd go to Little Five Points Thursday (I didn't). Like many things this trip, I just didn't do everything I wanted or should have done. That's my biggest regret-I totally zoned out on seeing people who matter, and I can't really offer a good explanation.

Wednesday evening was a mix of missed signals and missing people. Ended up eating (overpriced) fish and chips in the bar because I was ravenously hungry and hadn't made any kind of dinner plans. I did talk to people so I shouldn't complain-meeting people is always a good thing...

Interlude

2010-09-19T15:02:00.001-05:00

A brief interlude between memories from SCC:

I was going to try to go out Friday night to Panoptikon, but things conspired to make that a no-go. It's one of the two Gothic club night organizers in Dallas (The Church on Thursday and Sunday is the other) and I have not been out there in ages-at least since they moved back to Club One/Excuses in Deep Ellum.

I tried posting something to the list I used to use, but it seems like it's gone cold. The moderator of the Dallas Feminine Expressions Meetup-who also moderates the old list-basically told me to use the Meetup instead. I have mixed feelings about Meetup. It's adequate for large events or when you want to invite a lot of people out; it's not so good when you have a last minute dinner/clubbing thing. I got a few responses from Meetup-all RSVPing they can't come. The only person who did show up? Someone who read my post about it on the Feminine Expressions announce list...

I of course ran late getting to the place I'd chosen for dinner-The Bronx Cafe on Cedar Springs. I hadn't been there in a while; it used to be the default choice for Girl's Nights Out until Hung Dinger became the popular spot (I think that the waitstaff does drag may have something to do with it). I wore my black Z. Cavaricci dress (with an asymmetrical zipper on the front that gives it a kind of biker jacket look), black knee-hi socks with a pink seam on the back (because I couldn't find stockings or tights that weren't laddered!), my new black patent heels (Nordstrom Rack, love you!) and managed not to look like a wreck while rushing about!

Robin was a wonderful dinner companion; I'd never had a chance to chat with her before. Since it was Cruisin' the Crossroads (each of the Caven bars has free cover and $2 well drinks for a half hour) we went by Sue Ellen's and then Station 4. There was a huge crowd out-this is Pride weekend in Dallas. We both chatted with a lot of people, saw some fabulous outfits, and had a wonderful time. After a letdown post-Southern Comfort, it was nice to get out for a while.

Back to your regularly scheduled reporting soon.

Little Zelda's trip to Southern Comfort

2010-09-18T00:15:00.000-05:00

Or, why I suck at trying to blog at an event...

Really, I do. I get so caught up in things that posting about it kind of falls off. It's like taking photos-unless I really think about it, I don't. Which is why I do not have many photos of myself. I know, bad Tgirl, give back your licence...

So, let's start over?

Tuesday

Wake up far too early, toss the last few things in the bag, check the weight with the luggage scale, everything's under, great! Say goodbye to the family, drive to Love Field for my flight. I really like flying out of Love; it's closer to the house, small enough to get in and out of quickly. Park the car and yes, it's now raining. Get to the terminal, queue up for the baggage check in and thank Southwest for not charging fees. Find out that the baggage scale is crap-I'm five pounds heavy. In the middle of the check-in counter I haul out two pairs of heels and move them to another bag. Problem solved-but now I have a broken nail that's too far gone to fix so I snap the rest of it off. Damn!

Queue up for the security line, only mildly irritating. The flight leaves right on time, and we're in Birmingham a little early. I'd never flown into Birmingham; it's not a big airport, which means I get my bags quickly and the car rental counter is RIGHT THERE! Pick up my car (thank you, Hotwire for a cheap rate), pay the rip-off extra insurance (because my credit card won't cover damage) and get a Nissan Versa. It is a basic transport pod, underpowered but adequate enough to make highway speeds if you don't mind winding the motor a bit..

The drive to the hotel isn't that long-about two hours and a bit. The Crowne Plaza Ravinia has been the host hotel the last three years; we've both gotten used to each other. This year, I got a room on my own; first time in years. I do like having my privacy and space. After checking in and getting pretty, I went to my favorite nail place and had the works done-manicure, pedicure, brow waxing. The women there literally jumped on me-I had two nail techs at the same time, which made keeping track of who was doing what interesting. My color of choice? OPI's Lincoln Park After Dark-very deep purple/black. With lots of clearcoat, they were nearly impervious (at least for me-no dents or chips all week!)

Back to the hotel, found friends and ended up in the lounge chatting. That's pretty typical for me-I'm very social at SCC. Which is weird since I'm usually shy. Maybe it's because I am kinda known there, and have a reputation already? Dinner was a salad because I didn't feel like leaving the hotel.

I did see a friend I didn't expect to-there was a death in the family. Her spouse's mom; she was going to stay for the funeral and come down on Friday. These are two people I really care about-they invited me to their wedding, and that was really touching. We ended up closing the bar, and not totally sober...

And with that, I'll post Wednesday in a bit.

ATL

2010-09-08T15:19:00.000-05:00

An early start, went to Sephora for a special SCC event. A much bigger crowd than expected (always a good thing), and I got to be a demo model for a day into night look. Really did come out well; must try to duplicate it. No new shoes, a little driving around and I imagine I'll be out tomorrow. Seeing more people showing up-it hasn't seemed like as large of a crowd as we usually have so var but it's early...

So far

2010-09-07T20:02:00.000-05:00

Flight went well, checked into hotel,got nails fone, feel much better. Catching up with people, all good.

At the gate

2010-09-07T07:10:00.000-05:00

It's a warm, sultry morning in Dallas; reminds me of home. The scale lied-ended up having to move two pairs of shoes around to meet weight limit. Bad scale! Through security, waiting for my flight...

On the clock

2010-09-06T21:50:00.000-05:00

Need to finish closing up bags, get the last few things settled in. Not taking carry-on if I can make weight limits. Leave house at 0530, flight is at 0740. Arrive in Birmingham at 0915, get bags and car and drive to Atlanta. Found out that there's major road construction and people are totally nuts driving through it. Will need to add time for that and/or detours, plus the hour time difference going from Central to Eastern Time. Throwing out the plans for tomorrow, just do what I can and try to see people on the fly. Not great, but better than developing cramps like I do when I'm really stressing...TMI, I know...

Nearly done

2010-09-04T19:01:00.000-05:00

I am packed. Well, almost. I want to take some stuff out and add a couple of things. Still need to pack stuff like wigs, shoes, etc. I haven't found a pair of sandals I love yet-may have to go to Nordstroms Rack tomorrow. If not, I'll take any suggestions for places to look in Atlanta.

I'm flying into Birmingham Tuesday morning and should be in Atlanta early that afternoon. If anyone wants to get together while I'm in town? I should have time Tuesday evening, Wednesday, and evenings through Saturday. I check out Sunday morning and will be back in Dallas that evening.

Getting ready

2010-08-30T22:58:00.002-05:00

I haven't really had time to get ready for my trip to the Southern Comfort Conference; need to start packing tomorrow. Can't really say why I've been so lazy about it, except I'm not that motivated right now. Why, I don't know...

Aware of the unawareness, and the one hundreth post

2010-08-23T08:25:00.000-05:00

This is my one hundredth post to this blog. There's no real significance to the subject and this fact; I just saw that I had posted ninety-nine posts already, and I wanted to take some note of this. I'm kind of surprised. I keep thinking I have not posted much to here, yet I have. One hundred posts may not be a lot compared to some bloggers, but when you constantly suffer from writer's block it's one hundred times I managed to get over it.

Anyway.

Last Saturday the spouse and I went out for breakfast. Or rather, we went to meet a group of people for breakfast, something organized by friends who wanted like-minded (aka, leather/BDSM/etc. types) to meet up. The restaurant would fit in back in New Orleans-an older building that's seen better days, mismatched decor, but excellent food.

I was accosted by someone I know who asked I was going to a fundraiser they were working on in October. I had totally forgotten about it, and I still haven't decided what I'm doing yet. There was a request that Zelda show up, and some not-too-subtle flattery.

Later, I was going through some photos on my phone (what, you don't keep pictures of yourself in an unlisted directory on your phone?) and the person next to me asked who the woman was. I've known him for a while, but he didn't know I was a CD. Sometimes, I just assume people know, and it kind of took me by surprise. Of course I showed off a bit-because that's what we do, isn't it? No matter who you are, positive attention is a good thing...

Breakfast? Good. The company was better, and afterward indulging someone's office supply fetish was fun.

Fifteen days from now, I'll be on my way to Atlanta for the Southern Comfort Conference. This will be my eleventh time, and it's always an experience. Sometimes better than others. My first SCC, I got so lost finding the hotel I saw most of Atlanta. I went there only a week after 9/11; all of us who showed up felt like we were just happy to be someplace close to normal. A month after Katrina with things still undone in New Orleans I went to Atlanta and the shock of being in a normal place was hard. So was Rita hitting home while I was there. I've dealt with family issues, my mom's cat dying, and other things long-distance while there.

I go to SCC because I get to see people I don't get to see the rest of the year. I go because I get to, for a few days, be closer to what I am. I love Atlanta almost as much as I love New Orleans.

Fifteen days...

Well...

2010-08-08T12:28:00.002-05:00

Of the three comments I got for my last post, two were spammers. Sad.

Why Do Transgender Blogs Go Offline? — Jessica Who?

2010-08-02T10:44:00.001-05:00

Why Do Transgender Blogs Go Offline? — Jessica Who?

I'm so guilty of this-letting my blog go dark because I haven't updated it in ages. Reading this I saw a lot of the same reasons I've not posted in a while-writer's block, lack of motivation, etc. This is something I hadn't expected but I really hope that now that I'm getting close to posting on a regular basis again...

Thanks for those of you who have been patient with me.

2010-07-10T15:51:00.002-05:00

2010-06-21T23:27:00.001-05:00

Hello.

Or not

2010-04-25T09:46:00.002-05:00

Okay, changed my template back again. Change is good, but so is consistency.

Changes

2010-04-18T13:21:00.000-05:00

I decided to change the template on my blog, in lieu of any actual writing. I haven't been out much. Last night, it was pouring rain. Time before that, someone needed support. Managed to make it out for GEAR's fifth anniversary; think I shocked people.

I may write more later. Or not.

Perfect Day

2010-02-17T18:31:00.001-06:00

Lou Reed's "Perfect Day," one of the most beautiful songs in the world, covered by a variety of artists for a BBC promo.

I Feel Like A Woman

2010-02-15T18:58:00.003-06:00

A video I found some time ago on YouTube; a monologue written and performed by Michael Mullen. Some of the things he talks about will sound very familiar to some of us...

Saturday night with the girls

2010-02-09T16:37:00.002-06:00

Last Saturday I went out to S4 to catch up with some of the local girls. I had not been out in a while, and really needed a break. A very late start due to guests at home and I was on Cedar Springs by midnight. A new outfit-gray turtleneck sweater and black leather skirt from Ashley Stewart, purple tights from Lane Bryant and my favorite boots. Fortunately, quite a few girls were still out and I got to catch up with people. Met someone who I'd only talked to on Crossdresers.com; she was really fabulous. We stayed until nearly closing, then to Hung Dinger for an early breakfast. I think I got to bed around 6AM, but it was well worth the loss of sleep.

The days and nights of Zelda in New Orleans, part 3

2010-01-28T23:15:00.006-06:00

I'd made arrangements to meet up with Vanessa, a girl who I had met online. She was working that evening, so we'd have to meet up late. Well, New Orleans is a town where things do not start early, anyway. A mix of outfits for tonight; the jeans and boots from Thursday night with a black and purple print t-shirt from Kat Von D, the black PVC bomber and fingerless driving gloves. Oh, and the new hat.

I was out of the room about nineish, and had not heard from Vanessa yet. Took forever to find parking-had to resort to a hotel garage and their overpriced rates. I really had no plans at the moment, so I found something to eat and then dropped into some of the bars I used to go by. Most haven't changed-for good or bad. Eventually I decided I was ready to go back, until I got a message from Vanessa. We decided to meet up at John Pauls on Elysian Fields. It's a location that has been a dozen other bars, but I had not been there since it changed owners. I arrived a bit early, got a soda and chatted with some of the locals. It's sort of a neighborhood bar, except the clientele is gay and they do drag shows there.

Vanessa arrived, and we really got along incredibly well. She's the kind of person I wish I had known when I was living in New Orleans-fun, smart, confident. I'd have been a lot happier! We talked and had drinks until I had to leave about 3AM (something else I miss-no closing times), went back to the hotel and got some sleep before I had to drive back to Dallas that day...

So, what have we learned Zelda?

Well, what we've learned is that New Orleans is one of the best places a tgirl can visit. It's a city where people really are accepting. The French Quarter is perfect for a day of shopping, eating, meeting people, and relaxing. You can walk it easily-just remember to wear comfortable shoes. In Spring and Fall, the weather's moderate enough to be comfortable. Winter's are usually mild. Summer, you may want to avoid unless you enjoy high humidity and heat even in the evenings. In the off-season hotels are not too bad, and if you find one with cheap parking all the better. The streetcars will take you down St. Charles and the Garden District with Magazine Street's shops and dining nearby. A car will get you to many parts of the city, though the roads are rough and parking is sometimes a problem.

Some of the best little shops are in New Orleans. The food's great, and you'll find that there is more than "Cajun" cooking-almost every cuisine is represented, and the local Creole cooking is superb. Live music is a big part of the city, and you'll find a wide variety of clubs. There is a large, active LGBT community (though the T is not so much) that enriches the city. And the people? I had two random encounters with people who I spent at least ten minutes talking to. There's an openness there, a shared love of the city and knowing that things are always changing.

The city itself has an energy to it that I've never felt anywhere else. It's a living place that you'll either love or hate but never feel indifferent to.

It's also got the most underwhelming transgender community I know of. I came of age in New Orleans as a transgendered person, and I am thankful that I had the people I did who helped me come out and who cared about me. Even when I was not exactly the shy retiring type. A few days ago, I got an email that Gulf Gender Alliance-my "home group"-is closing down due to a lack of members and activity. This group was suffering before Katrina; after it, it was only a matter of time.

There are quite a few Tgirls in New Orleans. Not that you'd know it most of the time. There are a number of drag queens and working girls out there, but crossdressers are rare. Most CD's seem to be either closeted or won't go out locally. The most-cited reason is a fear of being found out. New Orleans is in some ways a small town, where neighbors know each other and what's going on around them. There's a bit of conservatism in the business community. So yes, I suppose there is a real fear of being "outed."

So I'd go to group meetings (when we were still meeting in Kenner at a hotel) where girls would show up, dress for the meeting, then change to go home. They couldn't even consider going out! And that attitude seems to still be there. I asked a few people I knew if they'd want to go out and they'd always say no. Which is how I developed a certain fearlessness-I wanted to go out, I did, and I took the BS when it happened. Made me a better person, but still I'd have loved to have had someone to go out with...

New Orleans is such a great place, and if you're living there or nearby, you are missing out on so much! There's so much to do, so many things to see. I know people who live in cities that have fewer opportunities but get out. What's your excuse?

I do know that people expect others to organize things for them. Guess what? YOU need to be the person! Get off your pretty little butt and seek out people. Or just go out one day and have coffee at Community Coffee House on Royal in a cute little outfit and be happy. It doesn't take much, just a desire to be real.

Okay, I'm off my soapbox now. I just need to get back again...

The Soul of New Orleans

2010-01-27T07:54:00.000-06:00

A great video narrated by Wright Thompson about the city and the Saints. I can't embed it, but you can see it here.

The days and nights of Zelda in New Orleans, part 2

2010-01-25T15:00:00.005-06:00

So we left off with my going out to my car (through the lobby, thus giving the desk clerk a nice view of my backside), driving off and realizing I'd left my room key...in the room. Oh well, get another when I go back.

The sky was overcast, cool and slightly windy at times with rain threatening. Not a typical January day, but what's a typical day now? The drive to the French Quarter was uneventful, and I found a parking space in one of the lots near the river. I'd even managed to park close to the French Market. Half the Market is an open-air produce market that's been in business for over two hundred years. The other half is a big flea market that's stuffed with tourist stuff, music, jewelry, etc. I wandered through the market and found a nice little fleur-de-lys necklace and of course we haggled over the price. Somehow, paying list down there feels wrong...

I did not have any real plan, other than a few places I wanted to drop in on. I sort of wandered up the Quarter towards Bourbon and Conti. If you're looking on a map, you'd say I was going southwest. Which is right, but wrong. See, directions in New Orleans are based not on compasses but water-Lake Pontchatrain and the river. The lake forms the upper boundary of the city; anything in that direction is Lakeside. The river flows around the lower part of the city and to the eastern side then south to the Gulf of Mexico. Thus, heading along the river's mouth is Downtown; away from the flow is Uptown. Of course anything directly on the river is Riverside. And the other side of the river from New Orleans? That's the West Bank; trust me, it's easier if you go along...

I window shopped, found a plus size shop near Jackson Square that had a cute dress (but not in my size). I found the place on Bourbon I was looking for, but the person I wanted to see wasn't there anymore so I started heading back down Bourbon to end up on St. Philip and Royal. I was at the corner of St. Ann and Bourbon, and the woman running the Lucky Dog cart asked where I got my skirt. Now, Lucky Dog is a New Orleans institution-hot dog-shaped carts that serve dogs that you'll eat happily when drunk but probably shouldn't sober. The vendors are...colorful. Anyway, I started talking to the woman (who called herself Raven) and it was a half hour later before I left. That's not unusual-you'll get into a conversation with a total stranger and find out things you never knew. This doesn't happen in other cities...

I finally got to Fifi Mahoney's (Royal and St. Paul), which was for many years my wig and makeup source. Marcy, the owner, was in but really busy so we did not get to talk much. The shop's the same-funky yet fun, with a big wig selection that goes from cheap costume to wild custom made pieces.

I ducked out and went across the street to the Community Coffee House for a latte and cinnamon roll. New Orleans is a city that loves coffee; the native brew is strong, dark, and will jumpstart dead Battlestars. The traditional place for cafe au lait is Cafe du Monde-which also has those deadly beignet (a fried dough sort of like a holeless doughnut) which exist to get powdered sugar all over your outfit. Starbucks has had an uphill battle fighting established locals like Community, PJ's and Rue de la Course and the indys.

After refreshment, it started to rain, finally. Fortunately I'd brought my umbrella in my bag and managed to not get too wet. Another trip back to the flea market because I decided that the hat I'd seen earlier I just had to have, then back to the car to end the afternoon. Driving back to the hotel I decided to take a roundabout way down St. Charles, which is still one of the prettiest streets but the roads are terrible. When I got to the hotel, I walked up to the desk with my ID and asked for another key; the clerk was very professional and I was off to my room with my bags and time to get ready to go out later and meet my new friend...

The days and nights of Zelda in New Orleans, part 1

2010-01-20T21:36:00.006-06:00

The last time I was in New Orleans was last spring. The last time I went out en femme in New Orleans was the weekend before I moved to Dallas-three and a half years ago. The last time I'd gone out in New Orleans during the daytime to go shopping I can't remember. So, when I had an opportunity to spend a couple of days in the city, guess what I did?

I drove to New Orleans Thursday, making a few stops on the way. I got a room at a hotel in Metairie, which was cheaper than getting a room in the city. Getting ready took less time than usual, but of course it took me longer to pick out something to wear. It was not very warm out that night, so I decided to for something a little warmer. A white print t-shirt from Seven7, Ashley Stewart jeans tucked into boots with a black faux biker jacket and a pair of fingerless black leather gloves. I couldn't find my boot socks, so I just forgot about it. Big mistake. Drove down to the Quarter and found a parking space very quickly, which should have been a sign. Tried a few of the bars I used to go to, and they were pretty dead. Also, I was developing a nice blister on my toe, so I gave up early and went back to the room.

And I was having doubts about going out Friday en femme. I didn't think I'd have enough time to get ready, and if it was pouring rain did I really want to get wet and miserable. And Friday morning, the weather was very gloomy. I got up, had breakfast at IHOP, stopped by Target to get some pads for my blister (thank you, Band Aid!), went back to the room and decided that I'd come this far and not doing the one thing that was going to make me very happy was WRONG! I did my makeup in close to record time. For those who have witnessed me getting ready, you know I can take forever, but I found some shortcuts and got a great look fast. Since I had not really done much the night before, I wore the t-shirt again. A black mid-calf skirt, broomstick style with a lace inset, black mid-calf leather Converse Chuck Taylors (going for comfort if I'm doing much walking today), with black and white striped tights. A black PVC bomber jacket, and the gloves from the night before (I really like how they look, okay?). I grabbed my Sephora/Kat von D tote and stuck a little umbrella and my purse and a few essentials in, checked myself in the mirror and made my way out to the car...

To be continued.

She's alive!

2010-01-17T22:55:00.000-06:00

Well...

I haven't been very active here, have I? Because I have not felt like posting a damned thing, because I have not done a lot of interesting things...

I actually have something to write about and I'll do that soon. Really.

One a month

2009-11-20T20:11:00.002-06:00

Today is the eleventh annual Transgender Day of Rememberance. Each year, we memorialize those transpeople who have died from hatred or prejudice. And each year, we add more names to the list. Because on average, one transperson dies each month.

I long for the year when we can say "We don't need to memorialize another death this time." But I don't see that happening anytime soon...

SCC 2009-only two months late!

2009-11-10T19:48:00.002-06:00

Either I feel like writing about the Southern Comfort Conference as soon as it's over, or I end up waiting a while. It is not a matter of how much fun I had, rather what sort of mood I am in after the convention. This year? I went through some ups and downs and I'm in kind of a mid point so...

Observations from SCC 2009:

* We are finally getting used to the Crowne Plaza, which I still want to call "the new hotel." I still miss the old venue (Sheraton Colony Square, now the W Atlanta Midtown). It was in a good location, within either walking distance to places or a relatively short drive. The Crowne Plaza is on the northwest side of Atlanta and while there is a great mall across the road (Perimeter Mall) and stores and places to eat within a short drive, everything else requires a drive on the Interstate or GA400. And rush hour in Atlanta lasts almost all day...

* The convention ended up with about as many memberships as last year. But about 40% of those were new attendees. We need more new people coming to SCC but we need to retain as many of our regulars as possible.

* Driving from Dallas to Atlanta takes about 13 hours. If you don't have to avoid a flood, that is. I rode with someone this year, and while it was not that bad of a trip, flying is still a better option other than you can carry anything you want in a car. Speaking of cars, not having one sucked-I spent the entire convention either in the hotel or at the mall. I didn't get to go down to Little Five Points, Outwrite Books, etc.

* I missed a lot of people this year-both who attended and who did not. I regret not being able to catch up with people I don't get to see anyplace else. Part of this was having too many things going on, and part of it was deciding to spend time with people who I felt comfortable with.

* Only went to one seminar-after telling myself I was going to make as many as possible this year.

* Spent less time with the "pervy" girls this year. Mostly because I can't fit into a lot of my old stuff and partly because I just haven't felt connected to that part of me too much lately...

I know I missed something, but that's all that I can think of right now.

At Southern Comfort

2009-09-26T08:56:00.000-05:00

Having a wonderful time, wish you were here :P

Southern Comfort

2009-09-17T23:58:00.001-05:00

I'll be at the Southern Comfort Conference in Atlanta next week, Tuesday evening through Sunday morning. If anyone wants to say hi, please feel free. I'm usually pretty easy to find-look for the nametag that says Zelda Rose, attached to a harried looking person :P

Catching up with the postman

2009-08-06T21:12:00.002-05:00

I haven't written a lot lately. I had eye surgery two weeks ago, and it will be another week or two before I try applying makeup. The surgery was to remove a cataract; and yes I'm very young to be dealing with them. The plus is that now I have 20/20 vision; the minus is I have to wear reading glasses and use a magnifying mirror to apply eye makeup.

I have not been out in a while, and now I have to wait a bit longer. I really have been going through a bad self-image period, where I feel very...ugly. Eventually I'll work it out.

I've got twenty followers now. Who knew?

The English Lesson has gotten more responses than anything else I've posted here. And a few other people have added their own irritations. I'm glad I am not the only one who feels that way...

I am glad that I copied my Yahoo 360 stuff before they killed the service off. It was a service that had promise, but Yahoo never had a clue. And now, Yahoo is not even a search engine anymore.

Oh, and what's so great about Ping? I've used it, and I don't see that it does much better than Google. The only thing I like so far is that its air travel search also uses Farecast's price forecasting algorithm. If you've never used it, it predicts air fares over time and advises you to buy now or wait for a better price. But I prefer Kayak to search for prices.

And the weather has been blistering hot.

The English Lesson

2009-07-15T00:02:00.002-05:00

It's "girl" not "gurl." The plural is "girls," not "gurlz." And if someone is over eighteen, they're not girls anymore, they are women.

It's "email," not "fe-mail." Or "e-mail," depending on who you ask.

"2" is not the same as "to" or "too," but it is the same as "two."

"Come" and "cum" are not the same thing.

A "trannie" is a gearbox on your car. Calling a transgendered person a "tranny" will either get a laugh or your ass whipped. You have been warned.

If you are texting, abbreviations are acceptable. If you are writing an instant message, a blog post, or an email, they are not.

Every word processor has a spell check function. So do most other text entry programs. Please use them.

typing everything in lowercase worked for e.e. cummings. you are not e.e. cummings. it's an affectation if you use it. that or you're a submissive, in which case, we'll talk...

Yes, I use a lot of ellipses. It's my affectation, live with it. I didn't say I was perfect...

Class dismissed.

Time Machine: Just saying, you know?

2009-07-05T21:57:00.001-05:00

From March 21,2008:

I use Yahoo Messenger for my IM's, mostly because the vast majority of people I know use it too. And while it's not perfect, it does work. I've also gotten a pretty large "friends" list, too. Most of the people I talk to online are really friends; people who I like and who I have either met in person or hope to someday.

And there's a few who I won't, and wonder why I ever "friended" them. They are Tgirls, who I thought were interesting or who contacted me. But after a while, I have realized their needs and mine are not the same.

See, I'm not a whore. Or a madam. My home isn't a brothel. I am not a dating service, or a tour guide. I don't do charity work for wayward trannies.

So why is it that people want me to:

* Have sex with them, even when they know I'm married.
* Want me to find them someone who'll have sex with them.
* Want to come to my house so I can "entertain" them because they can't in their own home.
* Want me to invite them to come to Dallas and spend time showing them around and "partying."
* Want me to show them how to shop, dress, do makeup, behave, for nothing more than their gratitude.

Why?

What reason should I have to break up my relationship for you? Why should I find you a sex partner? Why should I bring a stranger to my home because they're not out to their own spouse? Why should I spend days entertaining you? Why should I teach you when you're not willing to do the work first?

Because we're "sisters?" Honey, we didn't come out of the same womb. Because I somehow owe you? No, I don't. I owe a debt to those who have helped me-for no other reason than they wanted to. They didn't ask for anything in return. And I've helped trannys who asked but didn't grab onto me like a leech when I said "Now you do it."

I'm finding that I am becoming such a cynic.

Oh, there IS a caveat. There are people out there who I'd do anything for. Who I regard as friends, who I care about, and who have shown me kindness through the years. They know me, my life, and would NEVER ask something that I couldn't do. Those people always have an open invitation to my home, and I'd happily play tour guide because I enjoy their company. And I bet those people know who they are, too.

True friends have my heart. The leeches get my stompy boot.

This was a reaction to a series of requests from people who wanted a "friend" but really wanted a f**k buddy or a free makeover. And I just got mad.

Still mean this one, too.

Time Machine: Entry for February 02, 2008

2009-07-05T21:51:00.002-05:00

February 2, 2008:

I'm trying not to be jealous, or act like a bitch, however...

Thank you all for telling me about your adventures and plans to attend all these fabulous events. And when I tell you I can't go to any of these or meet up with you because a) I have no job and b) I have no disposable income, I'm being honest. Go, have fun, but I can't, sorry.

Now fuck of and die, okay?
(just kidding)

I was having some issues, and about this time some "friends" were bragging about their trips and adventures and kept commenting how I did not seem to be getting out much. The reason was that I was not working and didn't have the money to blow on stuff. And I got a bit irritated, so...

I still mean it, though.

Time Machine: Hand. Staple. Forehead.

2009-06-10T09:00:00.002-05:00

From August 28, 2006:

Yahoo sent me a notice that I had violated my terms of service. Of course, they do not tell you WHAT you did. I found out that they have deleted posts from my blog. It is obvious which ones they were, and I imagine it was done because someone was offended by them.

As a result, I am not going to post any entries here until I feel I can do so without risking my Yahoo account. There are other places that I can post comments without censorship...

As of today, I still do not know the exact reason my posts were removed. I know that the ones that were removed were the ones where I reprinted IMs from the clueless. It's my guess that one of them complained, and instead of asking me to do it, Yahoo gutted my blog.

I had a major explosion over this, then decided that I already had other options. If anything, this blog was the result of Yahoo's actions. I didn't post much on 360 beyond this point, and didn't really post anything publicly (I moved my LiveJournal to friends only status not to much after this) until I decided to create this blog. Whos history I will explore later...

I wish I'd kept those conversations, but I did not.

Time Machine: Entry for July 08, 2006

2009-06-10T08:45:00.003-05:00

This was in response to a comment to one of my IM repostings. From July 8, 2006:

Jesus posted a comment to my 360. Nice of him to take time out of his busy schedule to do that.

Of course, this got wiped out when Yahoo purged my "objectionable content." Which started my move away from them...

Time Machine: Dark angel

2009-06-10T08:31:00.002-05:00

This was posted after my first trip to Dallas, when we were getting ready to move. My spouse had decided she had to move from New Orleans after Katrina, and she'd found a job here. I really did not know Dallas, did not know anyone here. So I was on a trip to the city to scout things out...

From April 14, 2006:

A great time in Dallas last weekend. Met some of the local tgirls at MCDC Saturday night; they were welcoming and friendly to a stranger. Went to the gay clubs afterward, which were fun. Sunday night went to The Church which is a Goth club and danced my ass off. Oh, there was also shopping, house hunting, eating, and in general getting to know the city. A good thing.

And just for you, a new picture, taken at The Church Sunday night. I feel it's one of my best :)

I became a member of MCDC, but I've pretty much given up on them. I found friends here, made my own social group, and have gotten more comfortable with myself. The Church is fun, except when they do a big event then is so crowded you can't think. While I found a house I loved on this trip, we couldn't move on it fast enough. The house we actually purchased I did not see until I moved to Dallas.

And that picture is still one of my favorites.

Time Machine: Read this before you IM me

2009-05-31T01:10:00.002-05:00

This was one of those posts created out of frustration. I was going through a period when I was being bombarded by stupid, horny men who thought I was just as stupid and horny as they were. So, I got my poison pen out and got creative...From January 24, 2006.

Do not send me a picture of your penis. I know what a penis looks like, and mine's nicer.

Yes, that means I am an-ohmygawd-crossdresser/transvestite/transgendered/tranny/etc. If this shocks you, then you probably don't want to talk to me.

Do not ask "asl" because that means you haven't looked, have you? But for the slow learners out there: fortysomething/yes, but not with you/in front of my computer

Yes, I am beautiful. Fabulous, even. Thank you for saying so.

Yes, I am a Dominant. No, you may not call me "Mistress."

I have lots of pictures of myself-but you're not going to see them.

I am dressed; I rarely use the computer when I am nude.

No, I will not get dressed up so you can see me on webcam.

Do not "ding" me. It just annoys me.

On average, you have fifteen seconds to make an impression on me. Or less.

I know how to block people. I do it a lot.

Get the point?

Oh, and if you are truly stupid, I'll post copies of your messages on my blog. Right here. Just because I can.

That last bit got me into trouble with Yahoo's Thought Police. I was censured for reposting my favorite stupid IM's, which were removed by Yahoo, and the beginning of the end of my posting to my 360 blog. This was also the most-responded to entry.

Time Machine: Just a little survey

2009-05-31T01:03:00.002-05:00

A little survey I took, from November 2, 2005.

*CROSS-DRESSERS SURVEY*
*About You*
Do you use hormones?	No
Have you (or do you plan to) get surgery?	I've thought about it, but I don't know if I will
What is your female name?	Zelda Rose
Are you straight, gay or bi?	I consider myself a lesbian with bi tendencies
Do you consider yourself a male or female?	Yes
Do you cross-dress for a sexual thrill?	Not anymore
Do you read gay or straight porn?	I don't really read porn
Do you have other fetishes?	This isin't a fetish, and my fetishes are numerous
Are you a closet CD or have you come out?	Out, but not to everyone
Could you pass for a woman?	What do you think?
*Favorites*
Favorite artcle of women's clothing	Corsets
Favorite purse	Craig Morrison spikey latex heart-shaped backpack
Faveorite pair of women's shoes	Black leather knee-high dress boots
Favorite kind of lingerie	Lacy
Favorite brand of make-up	MAC!
Favorite brand of hose	Levante
Forget boxers and briefs! Panties or thongs?	Panties
Thigh highs, knee highs or pantyhose?	Thigh-high stockings
Skirts or dresses?	Skirts
Bra or bustier?	Bra
Tanga or boy shorts?	Tanga
If you cross-dress at the beach, bikini or 1-piece?	Victorian bathing costume
Night out with girl friends or CD friends?	Either

I made a couple of small changes, but for the most it's the same answers I gave back then. Wonder what that means...

Time Machine: Smoke

2009-05-31T00:36:00.003-05:00

Yahoo has decided to shut down their 360 pages. Not that this is a surprise-they have not done a thing with it in ages. So I am going to repost some of my entries here, to preserve them.

This was a post from October 25, 2005.

Someone else posted an entry to their blog about smoking...

I'm not a smoker. I don't feel any cravings for it, and it never bothers me. Just the smell, which I hate.

So, why is it that when I'm doing the girl thang that I like to smoke? I know it's an affectation, but why that one?

I'm particular about what I'll smoke. It's got to be a long, thin cigarette, like More 120's or Sampoerna Xtra cloves. They're both dark, and they look very dramatic. I like the smell of cloves, too. I don't inhale deeply, just enough to keep them going. I try to look aloof when I smoke, like I am not really thinking about it...

When I'm going out in the French Quarter, I always have to park a few blocks from where I am going. I'll light a cigarette and smoke while I'm walking; it seems to get me into the mood. If I'm in a nightclub I'll smoke. It's a natural thing to do for me.

I don't feel a compulsion to smoke after a meal, or other things. I'll do it driving sometimes, even though I forbid people from smoking in my car. But Zelda can, of course...

I wanted a cigarette holder for a long time, but never got one. That's too much of an affectation even for me.

At SCC, I brought one pack of Sampoerna's with me. I didn't even finish it by the end of the week. Of course, you can't smoke in the bars in Atlanta anymore, either...

And I can dress and not smoke, too. So the only reason I do it is for effect. Now if I could only develop an eastern European accent...

I have not seen a pack of More 120's in years. Sampoernas are not imported into the US anymore; I switched to Djarm Blacks. After my spouse's health issues in '07 I stopped smoking for the most. My last time was at SCC '08, and I have not since. But I think I'll grab a pack of Blacks for SCC '09, just in case...

And now, for something different

2009-05-26T15:27:00.002-05:00

Captain Cross Dresser is a cartoon being shown on Cackle.com. It portrays a mild-mannered accountant (voiced by Fred Willard) who wants to be more open about his crossdressing. But he soon discovers he has powers beyond being fabulous...

From Crackle: The Adventures of Captain Cross Dresser

It's cute, and it has a certain amount of respect for transpeople. Well worth a look.

F*** You

2009-05-07T22:35:00.006-05:00

A group of YouTubers make a video for Lily Allen's song "F*** You." A wonderful reply to racism, homophobia, and pretty much all the haters out there. And yes, she sings and they show the F word.

via Joe My God

How low can you go? Pretty damed low.

2009-04-30T08:58:00.000-05:00

Rep. Virginia Foxx (R. NC) on the murder of Matthew Shepard:

The truth about Matthew Shepard's death is unquestioned. He was not a victim of a robbery; he was murdered because he was gay. Matthew Shepard was lured by two men into their car, driven to a remote area, pistol-whipped, tortured, then tied to a fence and left for eighteen hours before he was found by accident. In a coma, he died days later.

One of Matthew's killers pleaded guilty; the other was convicted. Both are serving live without parole terms in prison. The Wyoming legislature-which did not have a hate crimes bill-passed one in response to the killing. A bill-the Matthew Shepard Act-extending hate crimes as a federal offense to gender and sexual orientation-has been stymied in the past but was up for a vote in this Congress.

Which is when Rep. Foxx opened her mouth.

To say that Matthew Shepherd was not killed because he was gay is a lie. The facts in the case prove it. To make this statement in front of Matthew's mother-who has had to suffer the loss of her child-is cruel and insulting. Rep. Foxx reveals herself for what she is-a homophobic bigot.

The Matthew Shepherd Act passed the House yesterday 249-173, and is up for consideration in the Senate.

Comments, I haz them

2009-04-29T15:05:00.002-05:00

I got more comments on my last post than on anything I've written in a while. And I've got followers!

So, a few of those comments...

Caroline said:

We all wish we could just pass and good luck to all who can but nature is cruel and even a lottery win can't fix some of us.

Then again have you had a good look at your fellow citizens? Nature has often also left them short of an ideal beauty and they also just have to get on with life too.

When I was a lil' tranny, my Auntie Crystal said that we should never shun our sisters-even if they are homely. Because their needs and hopes are just as legitimate as ours. And maybe they never had someone help them out-like people helped me as I got started.

Tina Jensen wrote:

...I know I've never been a male as society defines it and I'll never be a girl in that world either. Actually, being a Transgendered girl is something I'm very proud of. Passing can be good in that it doesn't draw undue attention, but do any of us really pass...I mean really?? Maybe we are special people who someday will be accepted as everyone else is. Getting out and setting a positive example is what really counts.

Maybe we are special people-we certainly have a unique perspective on gender. We have experienced both male and female, and we can understand things that others never will. We should embrace this!

I'd prefer to be unnoticed than to be stared at. And to be treated like anyone else. As for being positive examples? I know that's asking a lot, but if you can manage not to act stupid in public I'll settle for that...

Renee wrote:

...I'm glad this particular notion - that passing isn't the "be all, end all" of transition - is gaining steam in our community. It's important that those who feel trapped by their circumstances, when they come looking for information, don't feel doubly-isolated because they happen to have unfortunate genes. And the only way for that top happen is to talk about it every chance we get.

What the community needs is to stop trying to segregate and label everyone and accept that there are no simple answers, and not everyone is going to fit your ideal. Appearance is just part of it, but it's something that we have managed to fixate on. Talking about this will help move us towards acceptance among ourselves and the general public.

Some of you wrote some great compliments, and I'll just say thank you. And hope that you'll continue to find something useful from my stuff...

Pass GO, collect your life

2009-04-23T10:23:00.002-05:00

There is a discussion on passing on the SCCLounge, which I moderate. One of the questions was about people who don't care if they do or do not pass, and I wrote:

I do not know if I represent "the other side" but do know I'm not overly concerned with being "passable" or "blending" when I go out. But I do think I make a pretty good Zelda.

I am over six feet tall and am not in the WNBA. I can't shop at Bebe or Forever 21-I'm a Lane Bryant and Torrid girl. I've got a few miles on the clock, which I am reminded of daily. And my personal style varies from Goth girl to casual funk to damned near soccer mom.

Okay, this one time, at SCC I went to the mall with a really nice, very cute and feminine tgirl. It was a Saturday afternoon, with lots of people shopping. We spent about an hour and a half in the mall, shopping and talking and in general enjoying ourselves. As we were leaving, this girl asked me "How do you stand it?"

"Stand what?" I said, wondering what had happened.

"The stares," she replied with a slightly concerned look on her face.

"What stares?" I replied. Which took her by surprise. After all, I *had* to be worried about having been "clocked" as a tgirls! Right?

Well, no. I had not paid attention to other people's reactions to me. I had not been looking around to see who had or had not been looking at me. Because it did not matter. I wasn't looking for other people's valitation, or for their acceptance or lack of it. I just was there, another person shopping in the mall.

I do know that the vast majority of people tend not to really say or do anything when they see me. Either I register as another woman in their mind, or they know something is different about me but they don't care enough to stop and take another look, or they know exactly what I am but it is not an issue for them. A handfull will take a second or longer look at me. They may say something to the person they are with, or not. They may smile at me, smirk knowingly, giggle, frown, or something else. And once in a blue moon, someone will actually make a remark to me or at me.

And I accept that those are all possibilities. But I do not let them discourage me. What I *do* is to go out and be myself. Because I have the choice of staying at home, woried that I am not going to blend or pass and trap myself in my own closet. Or, I accept who I am and just, well, do it.

I do feel comfortable with who I am-and that make a lot of difference. It's far more likely that you'll blend into the crowd if you feel like you belong there rather than feel like you're an outsider. Passing? That's good genes and/or medicine, and the ablilty to totally get rid of everything stereotypically male you can.

But for me, I'll just be the best Zelda I can be.

The Gathering Storm

2009-04-18T12:58:00.001-05:00

Steven Colbert warns us about gay marriage...

The Colbert Report

Mon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c

The Colbert Coalition's Anti-Gay Marriage Ad

colbertnation.com

Colbert Report Full Episodes

Political Humor

NASA Name Contest

TransFeminism/CisFeminism: Why Can't We Be Friends? - Community

2009-04-18T10:26:00.001-05:00

TransFeminism/CisFeminism: Why Can't We Be Friends? - Community

But one way hierarchies are maintained is by setting up situations where members of oppressed groups in turn oppress those with even less power and privilege because it is one of the only available ways to demonstrate power and attempt to move up in the world – by moving someone else down.

I've seen this in so many other minorities, yet it's a lesson few learn. The entire post is worth reading, and thinking about. It'd be nice if the gay and lesbian community would get a clue from it, too.

Just my opinion, that's all.

Just a girl out on the town

2009-04-11T00:31:00.002-05:00

After weeks of trying to arrange with a friend to go out shopping en femme, I thought I'd give it a shot last Wednesday. I mean, what's the worst that could happen going out by myself. Besides humiliation, embarrassment, having an accident...

Oh, nevermind.

Getting ready took longer than I wanted, of course. I managed to do a more conservative daytime makeup look, picked out a nice pink/black mod print blouse (Lane Bryant Outlet) with black trousers (Torrid) and pumps. My first stop was Wigit Boutique in Burleson. I'd been to in drab before. The time I went, one of the ladies said I should have come dressed up-so I did! We went through ten wigs and found one that's just perfect. Shorter than my usual length, but the same colour (Burgundy Rosa in Noriko). It wasn't in stock, but they ordered it and will adjust it so it will fit better. A very nice way to start out...

Next, a trip to Valley View Center in north Dallas. It's a mid-scale mall, not too busy that day. I found a nice pair of jeans at Ashley Stewart; the manager was helpful, even if she slipped a pronoun once. She looked so embarrassed that I took it as an accident, not an insult. A trip through a few other stores, nothing special.

I was going to a resale shop on Northwest Highway, but I totally missed the exit, so I kept going to Town East Mall in Mesquite. I'd never been there as a girl, and it's much busier than the first mall. A stop at Torrid, found a new t-shirt and tights, and sunglasses at a kiosk (I have a weakness for cheap knock-offs because I lose them all the time).

And then I went back home, cursing silently rush hour traffic, changing back to "boy stuff" and made dinner and reflected...

The good? New hair on the way, clothes, felt totally comfortable, no bad things happened.

The bad? One woman who said something like "Are you a fairy?" to me as I went down the escalator. If she hadn't had kids with her I would have gotten snarky, but I am not going to put someone's parent down in front of them. Even if they deserve it...

The ugly? Spent too much :P

I haven't gone out shopping since Southern Comfort in September. I haven't been out shopping in Dallas in over a year. I think I need to do this more often...

Last Thursday

2009-03-30T14:41:00.002-05:00

I had wanted to get out Thursday and go shopping but it did not happen. My friend Nikkie had invited me out to dinner, so I went ahead and got dressed. Makeup took far less time than usual; simplified a bit, and I think it came out well. Finding the right outfit took way too long; this seems to be typical. Finally I found a black babydoll dress with tie sleeves (Torrid), pink tights with fishnet tights on top (Torrid), and black dress boots (eBay). Met Nikkie and Christina at the Bronx on Cedar Springs, which as become our place of choice. The food is good, and the servers are great. We have one particular server-Mr. Fabulous-who is fun, give great service, and is cute. A couple of friends of Nikkie's came by and after dinner we went by Sue Ellen's, because nobody but I had been there. It's a large lesbian club, with a big dancefloor downstairs, live music up, and a sitting area and patios. We had a few drinks, chattted, etc. It's less hectic than Station 4, and a different crowd.

An early night, and the first Thursday in a while I had not gone to The Church. I have not been to Panopticon in a while (since they moved back to Club One) and I missed the "fetish night" Friday (mostly due to a lack of motivation).

Last night

2009-03-13T19:37:00.002-05:00

Wet, rainy, cold. Perfect night to go out. Spent way too much time getting ready. Makeup was good, except I still can't do false eyelashes worth a damn. Picked an outfit, then picked another, then had issues trying to figure out what to wear. I hate being indecisive, yet it happens all the time.

Finally picked out a black cross strap dress from Torrid, with fishnet stockings and patent boots from Electrique Boutique. Added a jacket that matched the dress that I had bought two years ago at Torrid. Got out of the house way late, drove directly to The Church to meet the girls. I was mad at myself for missing time chatting over drinks at the Bronx, but it's my own fault. Dancing, drinking, chatting, all good things. Left about 1 AM, got home and overslept this morning (a bad habit I have).

Help!

2009-03-08T19:59:00.001-05:00

My friend D has a horrible problem:

Hit Me from D Shellhammer on Vimeo.

Please, visit The Artist D now and help a person out?

Sometimes, they get it right

2009-03-05T18:34:00.001-06:00

I love this. It's an ad for an Argentine bank; you really need to watch it. Because it says far more about how one person can learn to accept not by being forced, but by realizing how human we all are.

I'd bank with them, if they had an American branch. Probably safer than banking with some companies here...

Kids say the darndest things

2009-02-26T06:52:00.002-06:00

Seven year old Jazz's thoughts on being transgendered:

Somehow she says far more in a few seconds that makes sense than a lot of us ever do.

Patrons praise opening of Lufkin's 1st alternative lifestyle club

2009-02-14T22:49:00.002-06:00

Patrons praise opening of Lufkin's 1st alternative lifestyle club

Now, this probably does not mean anything to 99.99% of you out there, but bear with me? My father's side of the family resided in the Lufkin, TX and my father and paternal grandmother are buried there. It's a city of 35,000 in the middle of the East Texas forests, and that's about all you can say about it. And they opened a gay bar there...

Okay, so the newspaper calls it an "alternative lifestyle club" which makes it sound like either a swinger's club or BDSM hangout (hmmmmmm....), instead of using the GAY word in the headline. And they to try to tone down the LGBT nomenclature in the article. But let's be thankful that a) a gay bar opened where I'd never expect to see one and b) the local newspaper didn't treat it like the coming of Satan Incarnate.

Take victories where you can.

Who needs love when there's "Law And Order?"

2009-02-03T16:25:00.004-06:00

I can't believe I have not posted this before:

The incredibly fabulous Amanda Palmer singing "Leeds United" from the album, "Who Killed Amanda Palmer?"

And why don't you own this yet?

EDIT: Forgot to mention that this was the video that got her record company all bothered 'cause it showed that she's got a real tummy. They wanted to cut all the scenes showing her belly out because chicks with real bodies don't sell (according to her record company)...

What's happened between then and now

2009-01-31T12:17:00.007-06:00

I just got so tired keeping up with things, and it's been a rough few months.

Let's start from where we left off-Andrea and Brooke's wedding in DC. Actually, the suburbs, where driving is a test of wills and sanity. The wedding itself was wonderful; they made the most beautiful brides, and the happiest. Their families were there, and I got to talk to some of them. The venue was so nice, and the reception went off perfectly. I was so happy that they'd invited me, and that they felt I had to be there. That was one of the most touching things I've ever experenced.

After that, and the two fetish balls I attended and already blogged about, not much happened in the Zeldaverse. My mom and stepson were coming up for the holidays, and there would be zero time for me. I knew this was going to be a less-extravagant holiday. Financially, we are okay but we did not want to overextend ourselves. I've been out of work for over a year, and while we manage it's not always easy.

I don't feel comfortable being too specific about what happened, but my mom was very unhappy being here this year, and she's taken to drinking far more than she should. It felt like we were making her miserable, and I know there's more to things than she said. But she wouldn't talk about it, and I can't make her. No, I don't think it's about my being TG; she isin't aware of it from what I can tell. I do know that this was one of the most miserable holidays I've celebrated in years, and it was bad enough that the spouse is ready to not do anything this year...

If anything good has happened, it's been that I got to reconnect with a friend who'd disappeared for about eight months. Nikkie has had her own issues with her gender identity. Then she decided that she needed to get over it, and do what makes her happy. We had lunch at Northpark Center, caught up on things, and decided we needed to get out after the holidays.

So, after the New Year Nikkie, Christina, and I got together at The Church on a Thursday night. This is one of the few local goth/industrial nights in Dallas, and the one where the people who show up are less irritating. I wore my black mesh "Rock and Roll" top from Torrid over a black wife beater, black shorts from Dot's (My friend Solitaire introduced me to the joys of shopping where BBW black women shop-cheap clothing that fits and looks good), pink tights under black fishnets and black patent lace-up go-go boots from Electrique Boutique. Which is the outfit in the photo at the top of this post. It was great getting out with Nikkie, and meeting Christina for the first time. And dancing! I admit it, I'm stuck in an eighties new wave/punk/goth mode. Live with it, bitches.

Saturday night, I broke down and attended the local gender support group's monthly meeting. Metroplex Crossdressers Club is typical of my experience with most of these groups-not much really happens. I wouldn't have gone except that I'd told Nicole I would chaperone her to her first meeting, and we could go out afterward. I picked out a new pair of skinny jeans from Ashley Stewart to wear, with my new boots tucked in. A purple turtleneck top and my patent bomber jacket from Torrid and off I went. The meeting was, well, disappointing. Except for seeing this person who was at her first meeting, a bit shy, but we both had the same bangle bracelets on (thank you, Lane Bryant).

Not only was this Melanie's first meeting, it was the first time she'd been in a group of T-girls. She'd been dressing for years and going out, but always by herself. And I knew how she felt-I'd often gone out alone in New Orleans, and it's not always fun. After the meeting, a few girls were going to the bar at Nana in the Hilton Anatole. This is a very upscale hotel, and bar, but it's also very T-friendly. And I have to say, a wonderful place to have a drink and socialize.

The following Friday night, Nikkie, Nicole, Christina and I went out to dinner at The Bronx. It's an informal place, in the heart of Dallas' gayborhood, and always a good place to dine. A wine color turtleneck top with the jeans and boots worked perfectly. Dinner and drinks with friends? Always fabulous! This is one of the things I have missed-just being out and feeling...normal. After dinner, an early night at Station 4 where we met up with Melanie. I think we're going make an nice little social group...

Last Thursday, I went to my first GEAR mixer at the Bronx. They are another support/advocacy group, but far less internal drama than MCDC. I felt like things were more organized, and that they were more interested in actually doing things. Plus, the people there were more confident. I think I'm going back again...Oh, the outfit? A purple turtleneck sweater from Target, jean skirt from Torrid, the pink/fishnet tights, and boots with the patent jacket. It's cold out there!

Of course I'm keeping in touch with my new girls and old friends. And it's helping me feel like I'm more connected to this city, rather than still an outsider.

Emotionally, I'm still drained. I need a job, badly. And I'm at a point where I wonder if I ought to just give up and go back to school again. IT seems to be a dead end for me-not sure if it's that I'm not qualified anymore or that my old job is cutting me down that badly. Lots of family stuff. And the black dog nips at my heels...

But I'll be okay. Zelda always is.

Drag queens, gay culture, "RuPaul's Drag Race" | Salon Life

2009-01-31T12:13:00.001-06:00

Drag queens, gay culture, "RuPaul's Drag Race" | Salon Life

The campy spectacle has lost favor with a generation of young gay men. Can RuPaul's new reality show bring it back?

In the nineties, drag was everywhere. RuPaul was a spokesmodel for MAC, "Priscilla, Queen of the Desert" and "To Wong Foo Thanks for Everything, Julie Newmar" were on the movie screens, and Wigstock was this massive event in NYC. Every city had it's drag shows, pagents and performers.

But according to the author, drag has fallen out of favor because being gay is less shocking. There's less of a need to be provocative, and because gays are coming out younger and have more access to information and networking, there's less need to gather at clubs. If you have more support, why would you need to be outrageous to prove yourself?

And it's also harder to do drag now. There are fewer clubs doing shows. And where are the new divas?

The tragic and outsize divas that have long inspired drag queens are also becoming harder to find in the manufactured pop landscape: The Bette Midlers and Whitney Houstons have been replaced by Katy Perry and the Pussycat Dolls. "The sad thing is, the pop stars that were popularly impersonated in my day all had personality," says Lady Bunny. "How are you going to impersonate Rihanna? What is her personality? You don't know, because she's just a product."

And drag has become an embarrassment to some in the LGBT community. Because it is out there, and it's so non-mainstream, they see it as an impediment to their acceptance in mainstream America. Of course, truth is mainstream America doesn't accept you because of drag queens-they don't accept you because they're taught that homosexuality is a mortal sin and you're going to Hell for it. But that's beside the point...

But you know, it's not all a disaster. There's still drag out there:

That's not to say drag is dead. There will always be an audience, albeit likely a small one, for female impersonation. Underground balls and pageants continue to play a large part of African-American gay urban culture (as documented in "Paris Is Burning"). While Eason has noticed a decline in pageant interest in some parts of the country, there's been an upswing in conservative states like Missouri, Louisiana and Texas, and everybody I spoke with acknowledged that, while mainstream gay culture may have changed, pop culture works in cycles: You never know when things will come back in style.

If a drag queen is to emerge as the next RuPaul, however, she'll have to reinvent drag for the sensibilities of a generation that thinks it's seen it all. She'll have to make us want to turn off our computers, put on an outfit and head to the clubs. So whatever she does, it's going to have to be pretty damn fabulous.

I don't consider myself a drag queen, but I've admired those who do it well. It's an art, as well as expression. Drag queens often accepted me when nobody else would, and they've been a part of the transgender community forever. And yes, it was pissed-off drag queens who started off the Stonewall Riots (if you don't know what they are, go look it up yourself).

So, drag does matter. At least to me.

Transgender Day of Remembrance

2008-11-20T19:00:00.000-06:00

Transgender Day of Remembrance

Let's not recognize marriage, then

2008-11-19T10:04:00.000-06:00

A Marriage Manifesto... Of Sorts | RD Blog: The Devil's Advocate | ReligionDispatches

Tom Ackerman at Religion Dispatches makes a modest proposal-if the majority won't recognize same-sex marriage, why should they recognize other people's marriages?

I no longer recognize marriage. It’s a new thing I’m trying.
Turns out it’s fun.
Yesterday I called a woman’s spouse her boyfriend.
She says, correcting me, “He’s my husband,”
“Oh,” I say, “I no longer recognize marriage.”

The impact is obvious. I tried it on a man who has been in a relationship for years,
“How’s your longtime companion, Jill?”
“She’s my wife!”
“Yeah, well, my beliefs don’t recognize marriage.”
Fun. And instant, eyebrow-raising recognition. Suddenly the majority gets to feel what the minority feels. In a moment they feel what it’s like to have their relationship downgraded, and to have a much taken-for-granted right called into question because of another’s beliefs.

It's a very subversive tactic, and maybe an effective one. For those people (like me) who do have a traditional marriage, it's also something to think about. How would you feel if one day, your relationship was suddenly dismissed as unimportant?

Thanks to Sabrina Pandora for the link.

Two events, different results

2008-11-16T21:53:00.001-06:00

Last Saturday, I went to the Dallas Bound and Determined party at The Sanctuary. I didn't have high hopes for this, mostly because a) The Sanctuary is not one of my favorite places and b) the person organizing it has never done anything like this before.

But you know what? I was wrong. Jennifer and her volunteers made it work. The crowd was a good mix of leather, bdsm and fetish types. Things went off pretty much as planned. And there were some interesting side things going on. Okay, I'll personally admit that being able to try a vac bed for the first time might have put me into a better mood...But I can't say that I saw anyone at the end of the night who was disappointed. Plus, it raised a lot of money for Bryan's House, which cares for children affected by HIV/AIDS in Dallas.

A week later, it's the Dallas Fetish Ball, held at The Church. This was my third time going, and I almost passed because it's not a lot of fun to attend these events if you aren't going with a group. But my friend Barbie from Kansas was going, and we've never met in person before. So...

Barbie's a fun person to be around, and she looks great in a latex catsuit. She's also someone very straightforward, which is unfortunately a rarity in the fetish community.

The Church is too small for the event; you can't walk around or talk to people. The stage is hard to see unless you're upstairs on the balcony. They'd moved the "play space" outside to the porch, which meant the place you could go if it was too noisy was unavailable unless you wanted to climb up to the rooftop-which was freezing. And the "energy" was...not there. Sure there's a lot of people dressing up, but you kind of felt like that's what it was-dress up. The people who I knew were seriously into the lifestyle who were there sort of stood out. Am I being jaded? Maybe? We left about 12:30-and people were still waiting to get in.

I know this is a big event in Dallas-between this and the Black and Blue Ball (done by the same people) there's no other open fetish events. It's a professional event, with lots of performers (though they seem to be the same ones every year). So they should know what they are doing. And considering the state of fetish/bdsm in Dallas, I shouldn't be critical. But do you support something because it's there, or do it because it's worth your time?

So, I had more fun at the little, amateur-produced event than the big, professional one.

So what have you been up to?

2008-10-23T22:33:00.003-05:00

After SCC, I had about a week to decompress and try to get back into things. Of course, life has a way of interfering with your mood. I decided to make the local crossdresser's group's monthly meeting, more as an excuse to dress up than anything. I'd mentioned on their mailing list that I needed to find a pair of dress boots, and someone offered to bring a pair in my size to try. It was also their Halloween party, but I decided to not bother trying with a costume-I knew I was going to go do some shopping before the party. I could have brought something to wear, but why bother?

Ever notice it always takes you twice as long to get ready as you think it will, even if you know what you're wearing? Exactly. I drove to Electrique Boutique to see if they might have a pair of dress boots. I knew they'd have stripper boots, and fetish thigh-highs, but anything less dramatic they don't normally carry in my size.

And I was right. So off to Kroger's for snacks for the party, then to the Gay and Lesbian Center for the meeting. I wasn't the only person who didn't dress for the holiday. But some did, including a new person who I didn't recognise. When we started talking, we realised that we knew each other from online. Small world?

The turnout for the meeting was not bad, there was more socializing than anything, though nobody seemed to want to go out afterward and I wasn't going alone, so I called it an early night. In the past, that would have bothered me but somehow tonight, it didn't. I did talk to Anna about going shopping the following Friday at Allen Premium Outlets for the boots. She was interested in going out shopping, and I like spending time with her.

So, the following Friday, I do my best casual girl look (black ballet top with 3/4 length sleeves, purple and black print broomstick skirt) and called her on the way. When she realised we had made plans, and I took my time getting there to give her time to get ready. We went to the outlet mall, and walked the entire thing (it's a big outdoor mall in a circle). And NOBODY had a pair of boots in 12m. I mean, really! I did get a sweater at Lane Bryant Outlet, which is one of the best places to shop. But I was cranky enough over not finding boots that I went back home earlier than I'd planned, fighting Friday evening traffic which made me more cross...

I talked to a friend online about my problem, and she suggested looking for a particular boot on eBay. And I found them, at a good price. They came in today, and fit perfectly! THAT made my day!

Saturday afternoon I fly to DC for a wedding of two good friends. Andrea I've known for a while, since we were commenting on each other's LiveJournals. I've seen her romance with Brooke blossom for a while, and when I was invited to attend I was truly touched. Which is why I needed the boots, because the outfit I'm wearing wouldn't work as well without them.

So, that's what has been going on. More or less. I'll post something from DC...

Southern Comfort

2008-10-14T20:52:00.002-05:00

So, I went to my eighth Southern Comfort Conference, held annually in Atlanta. This was our second year at the Crowne Plaza Ravinia, and things went far better than last year with the hotel. A lot of positive things, some weird ones, and a few missteps...

+ As I said, the hotel was far better than last year. They were not prepared for us, and it showed with slow service, problems with housekeeping, and backups. This year, they were well-staffed, things went a lot faster, and housekeeping was great. The staff loved us; we tip well and don't tear up rooms or cause problems.

+ The hotel is also across the street from Perimeter Mall, one of the best malls in the city. The stores are great, and their staffs were wonderful to us. I never had anything but the best service! MAC of course had a wonderfully professional staff. I got some great tips on fixing a problem I've been having with under eye circles; learned a lot about avoiding putting certain things there and the make up artist found the right concealer to use.

And then there's Bloomingdale's Yves St. Laurent counter. I was just walking past, on my way out, and ended up in a fun conversation with the make up artist and her boss-whos son owns a restaurant in Dallas. I had to promise to come back again to get my eye makeup done (hey, a girl's got her priorities)...

+ Seeing people who have not been to an SCC in some time. And seeing more new people than before, including younger transpeople. Also, more transmen than last year. Even though overall attendance was slightly down, the mix made up for it.

+ SCC once again had excellent presentations. We always manage to get some great people, and this year was no exception

+ Atlanta is a great city. The people are friendly and there are lots of things to do. I never had a cross word or odd look.

+ Outwrite Bookstore and Coffeehouse is still the best LGBT bookstore anywhere, with a great selection of books and music, good coffee and pastries, and a wonderful location (Piedmont and 10th in Midtown). It used to be in walking distance from the old hotel, and is one of the few things I really miss with the new location.

+ Meeting Ronnie Rho finally. She's even more fun in person than she is online. We just clicked right off, going into total rifts on things and confusing one and all. That's a sign. She also helped me when I thought I had a major disaster on my hands (which turned out okay). She didn't need to, but she helped a lot.

+ Seeing Renee again. I forgot how great she was to hang around with. She's also great to conspire with-which is a plus in my book. She is trying to make me go to Frolicon, and tempting me with her wicked ways...

+ The usual suspects: Emma and her spouse, Divinyl and Jennifer. We always seem to see each other and have far more fun than we ought to. Great people to spend time with :)

+ My long-suffering roommate, Christianne. A year has made a lot of difference and none. And you're still one of the easiest people I know to get along with.

+ Starbucks. Because I wouldn't make it without coffee.

+ Andrea and Brooke are wonderful people to spend a day with, have a meal, share drinks. They make such a cute couple. And they're getting hitched soon!

+ The Fabulous Sabrina Pandora, a force of nature who is one of the best friends I could have. She's told me things I needed to hear, even when I may not have wanted to. And she's got the most distracting personality I know...

+ There are a lot of other people I have forgotten. Know that I am glad to have seen you :)

+ There is something so empowering about being in a place where you are in the majority. Hundreds of people who are like you, who you feel connected with, and who you can share an experience with.

- Atlanta traffic is killer. And it's so easy to get lost, espcially with the constant road construction.

- The gas crisis, which caused people to do silly things but thank goodness, was less of a crisis by the end of the week.

- Why do I find ways to cause me to mental? It's always little stuff, like wardrobe failures that make me take forever to get ready and put things behind. And then I feel pressure on myself to try to catch up again...

- Can someone explain to me why TSA agents in Atlanta have to act like pricks, while the ones at DFW are professionals?

+/- AirTran is nearly as good as Southwest, but their stupid fees suck. At least they are not as bad as American or Delta.

- There is never enough time to do all you want to at SCC. So it motivates you to come back, I suppose.

- You leave SCC on Sunday and things seem so different. And it takes time to get back to the world...

Fear is the mindkiller. And it looks terrible in pumps.

2008-10-09T20:45:00.002-05:00

An SCC post soon, but for now...

Someone on a local mailing wrote about going to an event at the Galleria and having a great time. And then some little kid "clocked*" her. She felt very bad afterward, so wrote:

Zelda came of age in New Orleans, in the French Quarter. The locals are great people; they don't care about your eccentricities; they do care about the kind of person you are. If you don't bother them...

Tourists, however.

Ever notice how some people leave home and decide that the rules of decorum and manners aren't important anymore? Exactly. I have had people scream "It's a guy in a dress" at me. I had a lit cigarette tossed at me (it missed). I have been treated rudely, stared at, pointed at, whispered about.

I should have run back to the hotel, crying, tearing off my dress and wiping the makeup off, promising I will never do this again. I didn't. It just pissed me off at first. Then, I realized that I really did not CARE what they thought of me. I was happy with myself, and that was what mattered.

Since then, I have been all over the country. I have had people make remarks, but that has gotten rarer. I went to the mall last year with a tgirl, and when we were leaving she asked me how I could stand the staring. I had not even noticed...

Do I look better now than I used to? Yes. Am I more "passable?" Whatever that means. Do I have a lot more confidence in myself, feel like I belong anyplace I reasonably want to be, not give a f**k what the tourists think? Oh, yes!

So, one kid clocking you is just little thing. You just go on with the day...

Sometimes you really just need to get on with it. Because when you let others limit you, it's putting you back into another closet.

And I'm no closet queen anymore.

* Clocked-Having someone notice that you're not a cisgendered female. They may just stare, or do something else that makes you know that they know.

Sometimes, it's important to support each other

2008-07-19T23:26:00.000-05:00

From the July 18, 2008 Dallas Voice:

Gay bar bans drag queens on ‘Trashy Tuesday’

Fueled by cheap drink prices and nearly naked, toned men dancing for tips, Tuesday night bar-hopping on Fitzhugh Avenue is becoming a staple in the Dallas LGBT community. So much so that locals have even given the event a nickname — “Trashy Tuesday.”

But Crews Inn co-owner David Moore says he plans to remove the “T” — for transgender, that is — from the clientele at his Fitzhugh Avenue bar on Tuesday nights.

Moore has banned drag queens-and any transperson whose appearance does not match their photo ID-from Crews Inn. The reason?

“Drag queens act like they are divas and think they can’t do no wrong,” Moore said. “They have stolen money straight off the bar, hassled costumers for drinks and locked themselves in the bathroom with a bunch of guys. And with Tuesday being our busiest night, there is just no way for me to keep the drag queens under control then. I don’t want drag queens in here that are going to misbehave.”

So his solution?

That’s why starting Tuesday, July 15 Moore and his employees began asking transgender women and drag queens to leave. Local drag performers Ivana Tramp and Celeste Williams — who now goes by Emelisa Nunez — said they and a friend were told to go when a bartender, and former drag queen himself, came over and said, “I’m sorry, but the owner is in one of his moods, and he doesn’t want this.”

“I was like, ‘What do you mean? What are you saying?’” Tramp said. “And he goes, ‘David says he doesn’t want this’ — making a hand gesture at us — ‘in this bar, trannies, drag queens or girls.”

Moore "doesn't want this" in his bar. Trannies, drag queens, or girls. And his logic defending his position?

“How do I separate one drag queen that is being bad from others?” Moore said. “We don’t have the time on Tuesday nights with all the people in here to sit there and tell them apart from one another. If a drag queen misbehaves one week and then the next comes back in a different outfit I wouldn’t be able to recognize them. That’s why I don’t want any of them in here on Tuesdays.”

Right...

Now, go a block down the street to Zippers, and ask them if they've had problems with drag queens:

“I have not noticed any difference in the behavior of drag queens from our other customers,” he said. “They behave themselves very well and do not cause problems. They will always be welcomed at Zippers.”

Miller says he's not biased against drag queens:

“If I did (have a bias), several of my employees would not be working here because they are drag queens, too,” he said.

But if they showed up at the door in drag, you'd refuse to let them in, right?

According to the Dallas Tavern Guild's spokesperson, what Moore is doing is acceptable:

Michael Doughman, executive director of the Dallas Tavern Guild, said as long as Moore is keeping them out because of behavior issues, “he has every right to run his business the way he wants to.” Crew’s Inn is a member of the Tavern Guild, a local association of gay bars.

“I’ve never know David to be prejudiced toward any group of people, so I can’t imagine that it is just because they are guys in drag,” Doughman said.

Even though Moore says he is banning all transpeople-not specific persons.

Oh, and if you're a transsexual, crossdresser, transgendered, or genderqueer and think this is not your problem-it is. Because if your ID doesn't match your presentation, you can't go into Crews Inn. And if Moore can justify not allowing people in for their appearance, then what stops another bar owner from doing the same? And to say "all drag queens are bad," how far is it to say "all transpeople are bad?"

Maybe I just think this is more important than it is...

Alive?

2008-05-25T22:52:00.003-05:00

Yes, still alive. Wish I could explain it, but I can't. Trying not to be a flake, I promise.

Pam Hogg

2008-04-25T00:06:00.001-05:00

Some of her delicious runway shows.